24 Hours In Life

Twenty-four hours ago I was in the Atlantic Ocean on a cruise ship. For a little over a week, I suspended the monotonous activities of my life and accepted that it was time to let someone else pilot the proverbial (and actual) ship. I made no decisions beyond pool, food or which lounge to sit in. I had never been on a cruise before and was pleasantly surprised. Here were my observations:

• Shortly after everyone boards, we are all forced to do an emergency drill, grab your life jacket and go to your muster station. For those that have never seen this, it looks like a herd of tourists being herded and lined up on a side deck under a life boat. What you do learn (but they don't announce) is that the last few rows of people showing up would probably drown since they took way too long to arrive to the deck and I doubt the boat would wait. (You need to speed it up gramps!)
• During the drill, the crew is clearly focused on getting you to your station, but I wonder how they would control the loose cannons that would just run towards the railing and take their chance with a dive...
• I don't see what the rush is to plan excursions. How much of any place can you see in a day? The days at port are really supposed to be the vacationing equivalent of an amuse bouche. Just enough to wet your appetite and leave you craving more. The problem with this is that it's a tease. The mental equivalent of masturbation without release. There is no possible way to feel satisfied when you only have hours to immerse yourself in a culture. This is why you pay a guide a ridiculous fee to show you a sample of foreign "life." I say "life" because this usually revolved around sites that the guide gets paid to take you to (tourist shops), so the only culture you are actually seeing is capitalism.

Bottom line is this: The ship is the vacation. The ship is your salvation. The ship is the reason you are there. Face it - there is no possible way you can feel stressed while looking over your balcony at the open ocean with a setting sun in the background. Perspective is important in life and to be at a hotel at sea and not see life, work and relationships in a different light would be insane. It is during your days at sea that you are able to completely detach from the world.


Oh yeah, one more observation. Ladies -just because you have a larger canvas to put tattoos on doesn't mean you need to fill all 400+ pounds of it.

Congress Needs A Paycut

I read that during the Constitutional Convention, Benjamin Franklin suggested that congressional members not accept a payment for their service. Unfortunately other members were able to have a payment attached to service. It wasn't until 1815 that this per diem became a straight salary. I googled it today and found out that the average Congressional member gets paid $169,300 yearly. Many times, members of Congress have voted to not give themselves a raise. But therein lies the problem. Can you vote yourself a raise? What other job do you know where the only gauge for your job performance is being voted back in when your term is over and you can campain for the next term?

I know politics is a dirty game. Each party vetos the other, no reforms are passed and the only people that suffer are the people who employ the representatives. The reform we need is SALARY reform. Why are we still paying members of Congress that don't show up to work? Their salaries should be in our hands. Didn't accomplish anything in a year? 25% pay cut. Don't show up to work? You get limited sick days like the rest of us, then you need to apply for disability - just like the rest of us. Not doing your job in the people's eyes? You get a write up for lack of productivity. Hard economic times? Huge national deficit? Sorry, no increases for you until you balance the budget. We simply can't afford it.

The people should decide your pay, your benefits and your basic livelihood. Prove yourselves and be rewarded.

TOO MUCH Customer Sevice

I was at a bar the other night with some friends. It was the holiday weekend, most of us had been working a lot and it was a good time to relax and catch up on life. We chose a slow, often empty, local hole in the wall that we used to frequent when we were younger. While the place is nothing special anymore and the bartender couldn't mix a drink if her life depended on it, the location offers us seats, a good jukebox and isn't far from home.

The cost of this Utopia is an inexperienced bartender who doesn't know the difference between building rapport and butting in on conversation. I can only compare her to the old woman in the airplane seat next to you who keeps asking you a question every time you put your ear plugs in to watch the movie or hear music.

For example, there were 4 of us at the bar when we arrived. After a little banter, the bartender asked if anyone wanted to play doubles in pool. Doubles. Hmm. 4 of us, one of her. 2 sets of 2 plus 1. Let me get this straight - we came to talk and drink in your bar and you suggest one of us sits of the activity at the bar so you can play pool? Go do your damn job and come back when the glasses are empty!

I've been in other locations and seen similar behavior. The waiter at the restaurant that can't read the body language of the arguing couple and interrupts them mid argument. Maybe service employees should be trained in body language.

I don't want to discourage the waitress who sits at the table of guys while she takes your order and builds a great relationship with her customer. That waitress keeps my glass full and keeps checking in regularly, but not intrusively. She will get a large tip. She deserves it.

Drinks anyone?