Another Year, Another Reflective Moment

So I celebrated my birthday a few months ago. In all it was a great week and I feel blessed to have such good friends.

A year ago on a trip to Vegas, I realized I was beginning to freak out about turning 39.  I didn't realize this until I realized the woman I was hanging out with asked me "so how old are you really?" She was only 24. When did THAT happen? When did I become the old guy in the bar? I thought that if I'm freaking out now, imagine how I'll act when I hit the big four-O.

Suddenly, with my drink in hand, I began searching for the accrued knowledge I must posses. Certainly there must be some gem I possess, right? Instead, I came up with a few thoughts -some of which I'm sure you've heard before:

1. Cherish your family and friends (my friends are my extended family)
2. Enjoy the satisfaction of a good day's work and a job done well. Too many others don't understand this personal satisfaction
3. Accept that it's ok to not be "that guy." I can visualize how to build furniture, but my hand/eye coordination won't allow me to do it efficiently-at least not without providing entertainment for my friends. I'm no good at assembling stuff. I accept that and move on...
4. There is only one gift you can't purchase more of-time. Does your mother and grandmother need another gift card or would they prefer a night talking to you over a good meal? Be aware of time- both yours and others'...
5. When it comes to your closest friends, better to be honest and cause a little friction than be dishonest and build resentment. Friction passes, resentment kills relationships.
6. Don't do things you really don't want to unless it pertains to familial responsibilities. You may have to go to the birthday of you 3rd cousin, but you don't have to go someplace you don't enjoy and fake happiness for friends. If they are really friends, you wouldn't mind and they wouldn't expect you to. See above comment about resentment...
7. Money isn't everything. Some of the happiest people don't have a pot to piss in. Life is all about perspective.
8. Work isn't everything. Make sure you have a life outside of it.
9. Travel relaxes the mind and the soul. 
10. Alone isn't lonely.

Living With Dad: Stuff dad said/did

I can't make this stuff up...

Before leaving to meet friends one night: "Make sure you don't pick up any hitch hikers. That's really dangerous.

"After watching the news: "They uncovered businesses sending money to accounts in Carribean banks...did you know politicians do that too?"

"Do you want a piece of cheese before bed?". (huh?)

"Did you know there are people that can find out where you are by following your phone?" Me: "It's called gps, dad. It's the same thing I use in the car." Dad:"Really?

"While watching WWE wrestling: "Why would they gang up on the guy like that? They sent him to the hospital. Wait, what do you mean he's filming a movie?"

Bought a package of hot dogs, cooked ALL of them at once and put them in a clear jar in the refrigerator for later consumption.

I left my cell phone in my house when i was leaving for work and drove back home to get it. I walked in to my father on his cell phone calling my cell phone (which he is holding in his other hand).
Dad: "I was calling you...you left your cell phone..."
Me:"Ok...dad,how am I getting the call? You have my phone?"
Dad: "...huh?"

10 Things I Learned From Watching Big Love

• 10- I never want to live in Utah
• 9- I never want to run for public office
• 8- There is a reason the average American family only has 2.5 kids...
• 7- Bill Paxton isn't that great of an actor
• 6- Sex can't be the only draw in a tv series. There has to be a plot.
• 5-LDSers are just as f*cked up as the rest of us
• 4-Amanda Seyfried is smoking HOT!
  
• 3- More wives - more drama...
  
• 2-The only cable series finale that gave the viewer closure was Six Feet Under. Its last 6 minutes wraps up the lives of all the main characters. Love it or hate it, you knew what the future held for everyone.
  
• 1- I definitely watch too much television
  

Random Thanksgiving Thoughts

As I prepare to have my first Thanksgiving Turducken at a friend's house, I read a post from one of my elementary school friends that made me pause. Due to his rank in the military, today he has the unfortunate job of accompanying the chaplain and informing a family that their husband/father/son won't be coming home. Today of all days. This day's memory will stay with those people for the rest of their Thanksgivings.

Part of me is pleased that someone who takes the job seriously in given such a task. I remember my friend as a stand up guy and his service record confirms it. I am also happy that the notification isn't the other way around and someone is notifying my friend's family. As far as the other family goes, maybe the way to look at it is that hopefully there will be many family members at the widow's house (due to the holiday) and this group of family and friends will help them get through this difficult time - together.

On a different note, I was curious all week as to how effective the "opt-out" protest against the TSA's new scanning machines (link here) would be. Slate actually posted a decent article on their website about the lack of logic behind it. See, there are two facts that the organizers of this "protest" (I use the word loosely) forgot.

First, as Americans , we have the attention span of goldfish. If someone isn't reminding us every 30 seconds of something, we mentally move on to out lattes, social networking and electronic gadgets. We have a hard time committing to anything. Especially things that may inconvenience us. Which brings me to the second point...

As Americans we really dislike anything that causes us delay or inconvenience. If you've traveled overseas to smaller countries, you know that our need for instant service or satisfaction is frowned upon. In Caribbean countries they even tell you about "Caribbean time" to prepare you to wait a bit and relax. We don't do well considering our fast paced lives. So to think that travelers who are on a weekend off and on their way to visit family for the holiday would chance their flight being delayed or be the cause of a longer line because of this protest seemed silly to me. People just want to board the plane and safely land at their destination. Their thoughts are with the people they are going to visit and the meal they are going to enjoy. Protests are left for another day.

I hope you all have a Happy Thanksgiving!

Books & Life

I just finished reading a book a friend practically forced me to buy. I was at Barnes and Nobles looking for something that caught my eye and my friend grabbed a small book and handed it to me.

"This is such a good book" she said. "It'll change your life. I even told another of our friends to read it and she loved it too."

The book was rather small and had a peculiar name - Tuesdays With Morrie.

I bought the book along with a fiction thriller and promised I would read it and tell her what I thought.

This week has involved a lot of work and more than a little internal searching. For a long time I have told friends that I make sure I give my mom, dad and grandmother the same gift on every occasion. The one thing they can't buy and haven't accumulated enough of -time. In the case of my family, time with me.

I have always appreciated whenever I am able to get family together for a dinner out or friends together for a trip or a night together. Sometimes, though, it seems as if I am the only one who realizes the importance of these moments. The importance of sharing experiences and stories with those that matter in your life. The reciprocal give and take of relationships and the appreciation for someone who spends their most precious gift with you - time.

A long time ago I realized that you can't force anyone to love you and you can't force anyone to appreciate you. All you can do is be who you are, give what you can and not feel resentment when actions aren't reciprocated. Forgiveness is also important. These lessons and more were mentioned in this small book (less than 200 pages). I guess this was a comforting thought since the older I get, the more I seek the answers that this book attempted to provide.

Perhaps it hit closer to home since I am the same age as the author when he wrote the book. Either way, today I hope to appreciate the small things a bit more...

Life Happens

"Such is the passage of time
Too fast to fold
And suddenly swallowed by signs
Low and behold" - Eddie Vedder, Rise

As my birth date quickly approaches I usually get into a funk and become the type of person that my friends can't stand to be around. I was thinking about life's little lessons today and received an email addressed to several of my old classmates. In the email we were informed that a woman from my grammar school had passed away last week. Oddly enough, it seems like she passed in her sleep the day after her birthday.

I hate to say it but this struck me as odd (even though I'd swear I read somewhere that it is fairly common). The mind quickly forms dozens of conspiracy theories over whether or not it was self induced, or if she was ill, or if it was sudden or random. In the end, the truth is none of it matters. Someone a year younger than me is no longer with us.

When you add her up with four guys gone from my graduating grammar school class and who knows how many from high school then the number of fallen rises more. I can only imagine what my 97 year old grandmother feels as those she has co-existed with pass on.

I don't want to give the illusion that I was at any time in my life close to this woman. I knew her and we were always socially polite when we interacted. Her family was friends with a close childhood friend of mine so I was especially polite because of their relationship, but really had no personal relationship with her. Even when she requested I friend her on facebook I wondered why...

The reality of it is many of us will probably never know the circumstances surrounding her death - and maybe they don't really matter. At the end of the day what has struck me at this hour of the morning is that someone younger than I has passed and the realization of how quickly time has passed. The late John Lennon wrote that "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans." This never seemed so true to me as it does this year.

I expect I'll have more to jot down about how I grew another year (physically as well as mentally and emotionally). But for now, I prepare myself for happy days with friends ahead and a continued good time to come.

Mazel tov!

Advice From Those Older Than You?

It's been a rough couple of months. Without giving myself a sympathy party, I haven't felt the best physically or mentally in the last few months and having sick family close to you makes the mental part even more taxing.

That being said (I hate that phrase), I live a good life. Some would say a blessed life. I still have both my parents and a 97+ year old grandmother, a job, and a group of friends that have my back.

I bring this up because I was unintentionally given a verbal slap on the head to bring me back into perspective. I walked into an old friend from my block yesterday. He is only a few years younger than me, but always seemed like a younger kid on the block and always seemed to be being mentored by someone around my age. A few years ago, I found out his mom had passed away. Later, that he got married, had a kid and still came to visit his old dad periodically. Still seemed like a good kid.

Yesterday as I went to enter my house, I saw him and as we went through the usual "how have you been, how's the family " and other pleasantries, I saw an odd look on his face and got the feeling there was something he wanted to say. Suddenly it all came out...almost with a sob, yet he held back.

He had been fine, "considering"...wait, had he seen me since... did I know that his dad and wife had both died?

I was stunned. What do you say to that? I expressed my condolences and checked on the health of his son(?) while I eased into asking him what had happened. Apparently his father had passed away of septic shock and his wife had had an anurism. Both passed away within a year of each other. As I searched for the words to say, I saw his face. He had the look. The look of someone looking for guidance, for a word or two of wisdom from someone older that they have known since childhood.

I had none to give.

What do you tell someone younger than you who has literally lost his whole family? What consolation can you possibly offer? It put my recent issues in perspective.

As he walked away, I felt I was looking for as many words of wisdom as he was - he just needed them now.

Today I attended the funeral of an aunt. Work has been busy so I wasn't able to attend the wake and was only able to attend the funeral. As I sat in the church pew listening to the priest and going through the motions of the ritual I had been taught since I was a child, I was filled with a feeling of great loss. I remembered that in high school I had a teacher who told that we felt loss when we faced death for our own selfish reasons. The person who passes feels no pain, it is we who feel a sense of loss because we don't have them available to us anymore. It is we who are reminded of our own delicate nature.

As I fought the emotional effects of the music and memories, I also thought of my uncle. The man who was my confirmation sponsor. The man who was at my high school graduation when my father was not. The man who looked like his life had just been ripped from him. His health has been lacking in recent years and now I wondered if he felt he had to go on - or had the reason for him putting up such a strong fight when he was sick just passed away.

At these times I also think of my own spirituality. After 12+ years of private schooling and a mother who spent most of her free time volunteering in the local parish, I only consider myself agnostic. I try to live a good life and I believe in karma. To be honest with you, there have also been certain situations in my life (a car accident for one) where, when I look back, I don't know how I survived unless someone was looking out for me.

In The Watchmen, Dr. Manhattan states that "A live body and a dead body contain the same number of particles. Structurally there's no discernible difference." We can sit here all day and debate the "it's all gobbledy-gook" theory versus "you just gotta believe" and not come any closer to the truth. At the end of the day it's about you, who you touched and what connections you've made.

Today I grieve for a good woman who was not only good to me and mine, but clearly did well by her soul mate.

Auld Lang Syne

New Year's eve is again upon us and most of us take a few minutes to reflect on the changes in the past year. This particular New Year happens to also be the end of the first decade of a new millennium, so probably more reflection is required, but I'll just jot down a few things that went though my head at the time I started writing this.

First, I'd be lying if I didn't admit that not much has changed with my job. The next great American novel still eludes me like a gazelle to a lion. However, considering how many times I'm reminded that those of us that have jobs are lucky, I won't complain. There is always next year.

My 98 year old grandmother is still adding enjoyment to my life and both parents are in good health.

I am surrounded by a great group of friends who accept me as I am and aren't afraid to tell me off when I need a reality check. The type of friends that ask you if you are ok after you fall down stairs and then start laughing hysterically when you tell them that you are not hurt.

It has been a year of changes in the lives of those around me. Friends moving in together, running (and not running) for office, basements remodeled, moving cross country, several went M.I.A. for a time being and others were found again through Facebook (in spite of my reluctance). Bars every night and movies at the house with take out have given way to less frequent poker nights and dinner at new restaurants to catch up.

A friend mentioned that sometimes you don't notice how much time has lapsed until you see the change in friends' children. You blink and kids that were two are on the way to eight. The documentation to prove this is a plethora of digital evidence across numerous states and cameras.

That being said, I have learned a lot this year about myself and about (and from) those around me and I look forward to what is coming in 2010.

Happy New Year!

A Moment

Yesterday I received a real hug. You know what I mean. No, not the hug you give to your wife before she leaves for the day or the one you give your kids when they head off to school. More like the powerful hug that can only be amplified by emotions like fear or utter bliss. Fear of losing someone, or happiness that that you haven't lost someone.

Let me explain. My 98 year old grandmother went into the hospital the other night because she wasn't feeling well...again. This is not a rare occurrence since she has had a few episodes in the past year or so and every time she goes into the hospital they find nothing. Who knows what the body does at 98 years. Even the doctors seem to be perplexed. However, after a few days of "observation" she is released with new medication.

For 98 years old, my grandmother is in great shape. She still walks to the bus and goes out shopping for hours. She acts like a woman half her age and has the spirit to match. I am convinced that this is the key to her longevity.

The other night when I visited her at the hospital I gave her a hug when I entered the room. It's this hug that I want to mention here, because I'm realizing in life that we need to enjoy and embrace every moment that causes us raw emotion.

The hug was simple. A full, arms around each other hug where I could feel the warmth of her body and felt that I could feel her life essence grabbing me and reciprocating the emotion I was conveying. This is the hug that I would imagine you parents give to your kids after they almost get hit by a car crossing the street or after they show up after being "missing" for a period of time. A hug of relief. A hug full of love beyond description. Almost the same as the hug you give someone that you are glad to see after a a long absence, but without the fear of loss. In short, the type of hug that reminds you how fragile we all are.

If you're smiling right now then there is nothing else I need to write to explain myself...

L'chaim!

I'm sitting at the local diner and I notice the group of "kids" (probably 18-20 year olds) at the next table. 9 of them. Their conversation is lighthearted - movies, a recent book, a new program or song they downloaded.
I look at the breakdown and it seems familiar: the cute hottie,the nerdy girl,the sexier brunette,and the in-between girl. The guys are even easier to categorize: the hipster with the BoSox cap,the prep,the cool tattoo dude,the nerdy prep and the awkward casual guy.
Was it that long ago that that was us? I could assign one of my friend's names to each one of these nameless kids. Saturday night...movie night or was dinner the event of the evening? Are they catching up or is this a weekly thing?

They talk about cult favorites like Fight Club, Ghostbusters and others that were new box office releases to me at that age. It's fun to watch. Not only to reminisce but also because at this age I can see and read the signs of social awkwardness - the gaps in conversation, the look around the table to see if it's the right time to start a new thread of conversation. The look around the room to see who is watching you and the loud, "would be obnoxious if they weren't young" laugh that provides much needed validation for the teller of the story or joke.

I smile as I remember good times and also remember the great times I've had with friends recently.

Life is good.

Why I Hate "Stay-Cations"

Many years ago when I was a young(er) lad I made a conscious decision to alter the path I was on. It seemed that the path I had been put on involved a lot of items that didn't make me happy and sometimes made me downright miserable. I decided to focus more on the people in my life. People that cared about what I thought and felt and thought the same way about me. People that to me were real: they laughed, cried, yelled and sometimes cursed their maker when they didn't understand a situation. I decided that you can't truly love anyone if you don't love yourself and basically decided to just try to be a better person.

Anyone that knows me knows that my mind is constantly on the go. I'm always thinking of the next step, another permutation to a problem or a witty retort to the last comment you made. It is usually only when I'm on vacation that my mind is able to shut down after 2 days of drinks, sand and interesting conversation. This is primarily the reason that I aim for a beach and water every chance I get. This one time, I was unable to get enough people interested in a quick trip, so I opted for the ever popular, seldom satisfying stay-cation.

I am not a stranger to stay-cations. I took several when I used to work at my previous job. They all ended up the same way: with me in some mental funk after barely leaving the house in a week -not because I couldn't have plans, but because I get myself in a funk and start choosing to stay home instead of socializing. Add to this the 24 hour overdrive cycle that my mind enters. I will think about everything from humanity's beginnings to why that pain in the ass friend of mine can never make time to hang out. This is dangerous for me because in essence, I'll just chase my proverbial tail with no chance of ever catching it until I simply reset by passing out from exhaustion.

It's now been 2 days into this stay-cation and I have done nothing different than on an average day off - maybe even less. I have, however, done lots of thinking. Not always a good thing. While trying to plan a trip I'm taking next year to New Orleans, I started realizing how quickly the time has passed. I must own thousands of pictures of friends 8 years ago meeting 3 times a week at a local bar just catch up and have a good time. Now a night out involves a day off in between and lots of planning. I have often tried to remind my friends that there are only "X" amount of years, events and trips left before life gets in the way. Before plans involve the wife and/or kids, before you can't go because your spouse hates your friends or before the mortgage has to take priority over fun. At these times I'm looked at like I'd assume any prophet of days past foretelling the end of the world - with disbelief.

Fast forward 8 years. Life gets in the way.

I get it. Priorities shift and life happens. The days of gathering the gang and going on a romp across Europe may be mostly over. Sometimes you go weeks without seeing people that live five minutes from your house. Last night a friend pointed out to me that he thought we were older now than some of the teachers we had in high school. Are we "middle aged?" One friend says no, another avoids the question. A third will say that he's younger than me so he doesn't count. Another will say that age is just a number in your head. My 98 year old grandmother is proof of that. But if age is just a number in your head, how did my aging body pick up on it?

What's the point of this? I don't exactly know. Since this blog is primarily for my own sanity and most of my friends get a verbal version of most of these topics when we meet over dinner or drinks, I'd assume that what I'm really trying to do is maintain a record for myself. To record as much as I can so that when I review these moments in my head I don't chase my tail, but find that this is just life and the one thing I do well is adapt.

Wait, I did do something today, I wrote this post.

thoughts...

In a digital age where everything moves fast the simple human has adapted by "becoming" what it is not. Emails and texts have replaced calls the way the telephone once replaced letters. The trade off is we've become addicted to the technology. The slave of man has made man it's slave. Given man's propensity towards taking the easy way out, Skynet doesn't seem like such a far fetched idea.

Living With Dad: Episode III

Today I tried explaining to my dad that the honey jar that's been in my cabinet has not spoiled. "Son, everything on this earth spoils and decomposes" he said in his "Mighty and Powerful Oz" voice. When I mentioned that I had just seen a documentary on the wonders of bees, he gave me that smug "you really don't know what you're talking about" look.

Does this dynamic ever change? Somehow it seems there is no possible way that in my lifetime I may have accumulated any accurate information on any topic that we discuss.

On another subject, for those of you that don't know, my dad and grandmother have been taking turns going to the hospital lately so the past two weeks have not been fun. In all of this, somehow I got a half-prop for picking the doctor that sent dad to a hospital that treated him like a king. If he could have moved in voluntarily he probably would have. Ok, maybe that's going too far, but he did love the way he was treated and felt confident that he was being cared for properly.

Lately it just seems like before I make weekend plans I call all the family elders to see how they're feeling this weekend.

Insert your "that's life" comment here...

Living With Dad: Part Deux

My dad continues to consistently surprise me with little "dad-isms." The relationship hasn't changed much except that he is constantly trying to feed me as if I needed any more food in my overextended stomach. Last week, I was closing a Ziploc bag and unconsciously closed it in parts (squeeze the strips together in 3 steps - first part, second, etc). I should have known what was coming next because I saw him make an odd facial expression and aim in in my direction.

"You know, you actually close the bag by joining one end and sliding it closed across to the other end."

"Dad, I know how to close the bag. It's sealed, right?"

He has also decided to rebel against any adult that seems to tell him what to do. It took me weeks to get him to agree to a medical plan. Today, he doesn't like his doctor. He wants a new guy. Apparently the doctor's office sent him to take the same exam twice. A careless mistake. But the minute you realize that it is the same exam you already took, wouldn't you say something? He is usually opinionated about EVERYTHING but he one time he needed to speak up he chose silence so he could come home and be a martyr. Then he pouted like a 5 year old when I told him he should have spoken up and that it was his own fault.

Dad has also upgraded his "watching people through the window" skills with a new "scare the crap out of his son when he gets home" skill.

I will usually get home and the start changing clothes to get comfortable. Dad will wait until I think I'm alone and pop out of nowhere with a loud "HI, HOW WAS WORK" while simultaneously scaring the crap out me as he pops out of another room like the old, fat Batman in The Dark Night Returns.

The best part has to be his child-like enjoyment of WWE wrestling. He loves it. Watches it every chance he gets. One little problem - he thinks that it is real.

No, really - he does.

I once tried explaining the "heel" and "hero" thing, how many "characters" go back and forth and other stuff I had read about Vince McMahon (who is a pretty smart marketing genius). The conversation quickly turned into how this character was not friends with that one and so on. I explained that these guys work out together and they help train the newbies...blah, blah, blah. I may as well have spoken Chinese because I was instead told that he hates all the dramatic parts and that they should just wrestle...then went on to a 10 minute story about how one wrestler married this girl and so on.

What can I do? He's over 70 - there's nothing I can force him understand anymore. I'll just let him enjoy this fantasy.

Let's get ready to rumble....

Birthday Blues

So for the last 4 hours I've been trying to figure out what to write.

When I got home from work today after unsuccessfully trying to avoid the staff spy network "surprising" me with a birthday cake, I went to pick up my mail off the floor and instead found a letter from Bridget Jordan, the manager of the post office in my neighborhood. Apparently, some idiot across the street has been allowing Cujo to roam unattended and has managed to not only take down the local mail man, but also the only back up. As a result, I am supposed to physically go to the post office and pick up my mail until this matter is "resolved with the dog owner."

The letter reeks of "please go vigilante justice all over Cujo," but I also wondered that if they were able to drop off the note in my mail slot today, why didn't they at least drop off today's mail for me?

If you ask my closest friends you'll find out that I am sometimes the worst around my birthday. I get grumpy, introspective and mentally chase my tail around thoughts and problems that have no solution. That's just how my brain works.

So after a grumpy day at work and 5 hours of listening to what is now considered "oldies" music, I have mellowed out and completed most of my reflecting. Let it be noted that I had Green Day's Good Riddance -Time of your Life on repeat for half an hour...

See, I'm a practical person, so I get it. I have great friends and my immediate family is still around to nag me at my every turn. How many don't have those 2 basic things?

I'm lucky to have a great family and a great set of friends that cook and bake for my birthday then get hammered at the bar in my honor. I'm blessed to feel that at any given moment, they have "my back."

Thanks guys.
Cheers!

sensitivity and drama vs tolerance

I hope this doesn't offend some friends. I was at a bar waiting on a friend and I started typing on my phone. I typed the entire stream of thought and every link in my though chain. This is raw, uncut, unedited and merely what was going through my head at the moment.


sensitivity and drama vs tolerance. life is learning that quality is more important than quantity and the friends you have now, as dysfunctional as they may be will probably be more solid and reliable than people you have less history with.

the fact that people don't realize this is a symptom of our 'grass is always greener' mentality. What no one realizes is that all grass grows weeds. Some just grow more of them.

i feel those that sit there panicking about their lives are stuck in a lie. I'm an atheist yet I'm lost without a god? People's parents mess them up yet I haven't resolved my issues with mine-alive or gone. Why not state that you re agnostic confused and lost in the world just like everyone else. Then you can start at step one.

we've been taught that it is our 'manifest destiny' to be better. We are meant for greater than this,no?

We re told we are.

Yet we settle.

Even the most successful have a 'hole' of emptiness where something missing. The human condition? Maybe. Doesn't seem Darwinian to give a creature the power of a mind-not a brain- a non tangible mind that will always doubt and ask for more. Let's not even factor in the possibility of a soul. Is this the 'god' quotient? A lion in the African bush doesn't wonder if there is 'more out there' than hunting. Why not? Why would a human evolve to the point of "mind"ly (new word?) consciousness? It serves no purpose except to cause doubt pain and confusion.

Does that make human consciousness a genetic defect? An anomaly? An unexpected detrimental effect of evolution?

Living With Dad Part 1: Life's Little Game Of Role Reversal

For the past few months, my dad has been living with me. It seems he's the only retiree who leaves Florida to return to NY for his golden years. If you know my dad, you know that it fits his backwards personality. During the past few months, I've been real careful not to fall into old roles. Without being too overbearing, I've made sure that we both understand that he is to feel comfortable in my house while at the same time knowing that we are in my house and not vice versa like when I was a child. So far, so good. Only once was there an altercation and we worked through that really well.

It's weird when you notice your dad's quirks after being an adult. I already knew he was paranoid, a conspiracy theorist and frequently displayed anti-social behavior, but now I notice the smaller things. I lived with a room mate for years and have also traveled with friends. Frequently I've shared more impersonal toiletries such as soap, toothpaste - but my own father brings his own. Weird. Maybe he doesn't want to impose on my supplies? He does that kind of thing. I have to constantly remind him he doesn't have to ask my permission to drink iced tea from the pitcher in the fridge.

Today he spent a bit of time people watching. But not casual, "spy-like" watching. All out, "let me put my entire body in the open window and stare" watching. The type that you would think was creepy if you didn't know him.

I constantly find myself feeling like I'd assume a parent does while watching their child marvel over something new. In my father's case, the new things could be a video on You Tube or the speed at which I find some info he needs on Google. Earlier in the year, I took my 97 year old grandmother, my mother and father all to the supermarket so they wouldn't have to trek home on foot with the groceries. The entire time can be compared to a parent going to the supermarket with 3 toddlers: items being picked up to be bought, questions about "what's this?",a whole lot of wandering followed by me rounding up the seniors and attempting to corral them around my shopping cart, in short - an adventure.

One of my mid-life friends reminds me that this is the new status quo. This is what happens in life. The parent and child swap roles. It still makes me wonder what quirks I'll notice next. What other roles will swap? I'm not sure how long he's staying with me, but for the time being, I'm curious what will happen next.

Tonight I came home and found him laughing on the couch watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.

Who would have seen that coming?

Human Indifference And The Status Quo

Today I read about 2 stories that made me think about the way we humans are self centered. We really can't help it. It's a survival instinct. The brain makes you focus on only your issues in the hopes that it will extend your existence. It's the social conscience (in the form of schools, parents, religion and any other communal entity) that actually steers you away from yourself and tells you that you should share and think of others.

So what has happened that has turned off that social consciousness?

Let me explain - I read today that a woman was raped in the subway and the subway clerk and onlookers did nothing. The rapist was apparently so secure of humanity's indifference that he raped her numerous times in spite of an arriving train pulling into the station. To make matters worse, the victim has tried to take the MTA to court since the MTA employees did nothing and a judge has decided that they "had no obligation to do anything to help her other than to signal their superiors that police were needed at the station" (ARTICLE HERE)

I get that the subway employees only have to press the emergency button and not put their lives in danger or make matters worse, but c'mon...really? Pretend you're going to beat the rapist up. Or at least yell "I called the cops, you better leave her alone." Something...ANYTHING...that says "I give a damn."

Fast forward to today. Some guy jumped off the 3rd floor of the Queens Center Mall and landed on a kid. The kid that was landed on survived and the jumper died instantly. Now, I'm, not a shrink, but I've heard that many people try to commit suicide as a "cry for help." If this poor sap's goal was to have one of the hundreds of shoppers stop him from jumping then he grossly miscalculated his target (no pun intended) audience.

Shoulda, coulda, woulda - nothing can change the past. It should probably also be noted that this is nothing new since there have always been stories of people getting run over and shot in a crowd and no one stepping forward as a witness. Instinctively, we care only about our own asses. That's why we always teach children to break the natural human program and do what's considered socially responsible.

The part that bothers me is that through centuries of evolution, we seem to have still not been able to master this simple lesson. It's sad that people are more likely to help a hurt animal on the side of the road than a fellow human being. Maybe part of it is disbelief ("is that REALLY happening?), or fear but either way, it's society as a whole that suffers.

World's Animals Give Up: Mass Suicide Begins

On February 10th, the coast guard in the Philippines captured a photo of 200-300 disoriented dolphins drifting towards the coast in what would have resulted in a mass dolphin "self-beaching" event like no other (read original NatGeo article here).
There is speculation that high levels of mercury and/or toxins spread by man are disorienting the dolphins and causing them to beach themselves. Or maybe they've just had enough. We've seen this somewhere before...with the bees.

Large quantities of bees have been disappearing for years now (check out nature episode here). Colony collapse disorder or CCD is the name given to the event where bees in several countries are just disappearing and leaving no trace to help us figure out a reason. Food and larvae have been found in many of the hives -but no dead bodies. Speculation includes pesticide and toxins damaging the bees' navigation system (and making them unable to find their hive after going out for pollen) and sickness caused by mites.

Maybe it's because I just finished watching "The Happening," but it almost seems like the earth's creatures have started losing their will to live. If the survival instinct is gone, what's next? The idea of bees and dolphins committing the animal kingdom's equivalent of Seppuku is probably the gloomiest thought to ever go through my head. Have we forced nature to give up on us by treating the world like crap for hundreds of years? Is nature trying to give itself a clean slate and start over?

With all the hoopla about the world ending in 2012, it makes you wonder...

14 Gold Medals And A Bong Hit

Michael Phelps. What can I say that hasn't been said by all the commentators this weekend? In case you live in a box, this week a picture of American Hero Phelps having a bong hit appeared in a British tabloid (News of The World article here). It seems the world can't believe that Phelps had a bong hit. Uh - this is the same guy who was caught drunk driving at 19 years old. Why is anyone surprised? I just think of comedian Jo Koy's piece on Michael Phelps and how he's Superman in the pool and Forrest Gump when he takes his swimming cap off (check video here.)

What is it about heroes that makes fans believe that they are perfect? If there is one thing that we are taught in stories and the news it's that heroes are human. They have faults and skeletons in the closet. Those faults are what make their conquests so special. Overcoming faults and obstacles make the triumphs taste better.

As far as Phelps screwing up his endorsements and such, hey, he's 23 -he's stupid. 23 year-olds think about sex, partying and eating, The fact that Phelps was only caught messing up one previous time is a freak of nature.

Besides, lets face it. We've all seen the articles and interviews. Outside of the pool, the guy is a bit of a dweeb. The fact that chicks finally dig him and everyone wants to know him was too much pressure for poor Mike. A source even describes him as "holding court" when he goes out to bars. More power to him.

Bottom line? Does anyone really care? Women dig a bad boy more than a jock. The Olympic Committee has made it clear that since the puffs took place after the games and he has admitted responsibility, they are sure he will be a better role model in the future. His fans (over 50%) forgive him and the media will remember when we get closer to the next Olympic games, but does that really matter? He may lose some endorsements, but how many millions does one man really need?

Gold Found At JFK

If you're ever at JFK flying American out to Las Vegas, take a walk to the Burger King upstairs by the gates (past the security check point).

Last May I flew to Vegas with a friend of mine for a weekend in Sin City. While we were waiting for the flight, we decided to get a bite to eat at Burger King. The line was huge and you could tell that their "A" team wasn't working this shift. Even a simple order like a Whopper seemed to take an average of 15 minutes and then it sometimes went to the wrong customer who was so happy he got any food at all that he just ate whatever he was given.

It was in this food service chaos that we saw the sign. A bright, shiny gold sign prominently displayed at the top right of the french fry machine. In clear, bold black letters it read "GOLD MINE."

We both burst out in laughter.

I've dealt with customer service and company profits for most of my employed life, so I get the significance of the machine, but the idea of the story behind how this sign came to be placed on this machine left too many possibilities in my mind.

I could see the franchise owner informing his less than friendly employees that they all had to add on the french fries to every order. "Ask every customer if they want fries" he would say. When he made the schedule and informed each employee where they would be working the following would have transpired:

Employee: "So I am fryer today?"
Owner: "No, you're working the gold mine."
Employee: "Yeah, de french fries."
Owner: "No. It is the gold mine and you will refer to it as such."
Employee: "Ok. I work fry."

The owner would then have gone out of his way to re-write all the new hire paperwork, manuals, etc. so that they all said "gold mine." Then a great idea would have come to him - a gold plaque proudly stating "GOLD MINE" so that every employee from this point forward would know the monetary importance of this machine and the product it cooks.

I didn't hear them ask ONE person if they wanted to add fries with their single burgers.

Some gold mine...

Time For Men To Say "I Told You So"

Since the creation of mead, men have been telling women that sex is better after a few drinks. Now we have scientific proof!

Researchers in Australia (article here)have discovered that drinkers report 30 percent fewer problems during sex. For you ladies making that "pfft" sound, just think - that means 30% more of you are satisfied. That's 30 % less whiskey...uh..."droop" they called it.

Main reason? If you ask me, after a few drinks, who cares about all the mental over thinking that guys do. Constantly planning scenarios in our head. After a few drinks, it's just "showtime."

Now if only they could work on an antidote for beer goggles...

Social Networking Redux

Last April I wrote a post on how everyone at work was putting all their info on My Space (original post).

Since then I have agreed to assist a friend of mine in a project he's undertaken. To make a long story short and not really disclose his business, he asked me to make a Facebook page to support his endeavor.

Insert GRUMBLE here.

I'll fall in line and take one for the team, but I feel like a hypocrite. It's not that I don't wonder what people from my past look like or what some people have been doing...well, maybe it is.

You see, the internet has this incredible ability to assist us in keeping people we know in contact forever - like luggage. Sometimes that is a good thing. I was interested to see what some classmates from grammar school were doing and it is always interesting to connect to people who you already know. But isn't this why I have a web site, email and a blog? If you really give a crap about me don't you already have my contact info?

Maybe it sounds a little callus. I'm reminded of when everyone first got AIM and everyone wondered how many friends you had. Is that what this is? Who does Tave know - and who do they know? Is this some version of six degrees of separation where the goal is to click on your friend's, friends and see if you have friends in common or do most people simply want to peer into other people's lives as a point of conversation?

I am by no means afraid of the internet. As I write this, I can think of at least 3 off color pictures of me posted online. I also know what I've written here is rarely politically correct. So it's not that I'm afraid of people finding out stuff about me. Instead, I think I just don't want to share stuff with people I don't care about - just like I don't "break bread" with people I don't like.

It's bad enough I have to check 4 email addresses to check email, now I also need to periodically check my Facebook?

I need someone to invent software for a portal that allows me to just log in to one spot and see all my emails and connections without having to log in twenty times.

Someone get me Bill Gates.

Ever Wish You Could Shut Off Your Brain?

"...I...have be-come...comfortably numb..."

Grow Up Already!

It is mankind's instinct to try to better itself and protect itself from harm. Years ago we began vaccinations for babies and we were able to eliminate the pox and other viruses. We also instinctively always want more. We vaccinate everyone to the point that viruses and diseases find a way to mutate into something stronger and resistant to antibiotics. We put hormones in our milk for decades and you can't tell me that after years of the dairy lobbyists telling us to "drink milk" they aren't the reason that 13 year old kids have a size 15 shoe size. What possible genetic improvement could this have been if not pushed by human intervention?

It's also no secret that kids have a shorter childhood. Kids are spending less time playing with toys and in the land of make believe. Too soon they are exposed to violence and sex. Kids are dressing like adults. Twelve year old boys pretending they are pimps. Thirteen year old girls wearing pants that say "juicy" on their rear. Seriously - I saw this on my lunch hour. What are they thinking? What are the parents thinking? Didn't seeing that Jon Benet Ramsey pic where she's dressed up like a whore disturb anyone else? This is what happens when we allow schools and television to raise the next generation.

You need a license to fish, but they allow any moron to have a child.

"It's The End Of The World As We Know It, And I Feel..."

With the New Year around the corner, we started to see video footage of Israel bombing Gaza. Horrific stories of rockets being propelled into Israel and the right of a nation to defend itself were repeated on every channel.

BBC reported today that a bomb killed at least 35 Shia pilgrims on Sunday. Tamil Tiger rebels in Sri Lanka killed 53 soldiers. Suicide bomber attack outside a college in Pakistan.

Does it seem like things are getting better?

I'm a realist. I get it. This is the way of the world and has always been the way of the world. Man defaults to violence to resolve issues. It has always been our way - it's in our programming. A caveman disagrees with you, you club him with your bone and the argument is resolved. In it's most beautiful, simplistic form, nature is just making sure the fittest survive.

That being said, the ways of men have complicated this exponentially. You see, unfortunately I am also an idealist. this is the part where you are going to start disagreeing with me.

I believe that every country has a right to exist and have the right to protect (preemtively if necessary) its citizens. By this idea, Israel has a right not only to exist, but to protect its people from harm. At the same time, I believe the Palestinians deserve a place to call home. Ah, quite the conundrum. Every great religion looks to Jerusalem as the spot of something holy. How do you split up prime real estate when everyone wants the same spot?

My gut tells me to evacuate the location and bomb the "Holy Land" back to the ice age. If there is nothing there, man can't fight over it. If you want, do the same in Iraq, Kashmir, Sri Lanka and parts of Africa. Only when man loses what he wants will he understand the value of what he had.

I know. It sounds savage. Also, it could create thousands of new holy warriors against the bombing country. Give me another option. Clear heads clearly do not prevail in these areas. There is no global morality. Success in these regions is directly attributed to cash up front to all the right people. All I know is that we can't continue like this. Eventually everything will explode. As a country, we are overextended. We can't police the world at this time in history. Our soldiers are in Iraq, Afghanistan and in locations all over the world to prevent a direct attack on home soil.

Someone else needs to stand up and play "Robocop." We need to take care of our own for a little while.

Christmas: One Big Ole "Pay It Forward?"

As the Christmas holiday approaches, I focus on how such a simple holiday (the birth of a religious figure) has taken on so many different meanings for different people.

First, the religious celebrate the birth of a saviour...right next to the pagan tree with a pagan yule log and commercial gifts. As Arsenio Hall would say, "things that make you go hmmm..."

Some just celebrate a great time for shopping and buying people gifts. These are split into the people who like to give gifts to friends and actually smile while thinking that a present will be enjoyed by the recipient and the second - a group of people who tally every cent you spend on them last year, subtract 10% for depreciation and then allocate your gift fund. These are often the people that decorate their house with so many lights that it can be seen from the moon.

Finally, there is the group of people that just enjoy being with family and friends. Not the forced, awkward, often bitter family gatherings of movie lore, but actual good food, good friends, good times.

If you listen to Christmas songs, you are constantly reminded that "it's the most wonderful time of the year" and everyone is in "good cheer." If you believe the opposite, you are dismissed as a grinch.

Basically, I guess Christmas is some big, ole "pay it forward" holiday. You make your friends happy, they make others happy, and it goes on and on. The bath set you bought for the admin at work made her so happy she bought a gift certificate for her sister who in turns feeds the hungry on Christmas. OK- maybe nothing that noble, but you get the point. I think it's the one time of the year when you're allowed to stop and soak in the love. But just in case you miss it, next week you get to hear the drunks say "I effin love you man, you're effin cool" as they celebrate New Year's eve.

Merry Christmas.
Tave

Greed And Envy (a.k.a. these are a few of my favorite sins...)

On Black Friday, a Wal*Mart employee was trampled by indifferent shoppers greedily looking for cheap electronics. With this disturbing display of human nature, I wanted to mirror a post I made on another blog. The original article from the NYT click here.

"It seemed fitting then, in a tragic way, that the holiday season began with violence fueled by desperation; with a mob making a frantic reach for things they wanted badly, knowing they might go home empty-handed."

I think the idea that the event might have been fueled by our "spend more" programming or the possibility of "leaving empty handed" takes away from the real issue which is much deeper. Part of the human condition is having certain vices - in this case greed and envy. This is not the case of mom trying to get a Tickle Me Elmo for her 5 year old to make his Christmas special. These are mostly adults buying "presents" for themselves or their households. They should be able to deal with the possibility of "leaving empty handed" because if the parenting had been in place when they were young, they would have been taught another crucial life lesson -disappointment.

When I was a kid I wanted an Atari 2600. My dad waited forthe last minute to buy it and as a result I received a few little gifts and a card from mom and dad with money for my 2600. Every kid knows if you don't get the electronics on Christmas day, retailers usualy have low stock until February or so. You know what? I learned to wait. I learned that life doesn't work out the way you want, sometimes it's nice that at least someone tried and that the thought DOES count.

There is no personal accountability or responsibility in the conscious of the average American. Forget civil duty, we lack basic morality. I find it incredible that a nation that claims "In God We Trust" ignores the teachings of the same. Perhaps we should say "in my neighbor I covet" since to me the basic cause of this employee getting crushed was Bob wanting to show off his new TV to Larry over the game on Sunday.

Don't get me wrong, once Wal Mart managers noticed so many people outside, cops should have been contacted for riot control. That's just smart business. But the problem here is the human heart. One only has to read Lord of the Flies to remember that we are capable of pure evil.

"'Kill the beast! Cut his throat! Spill his blood!'"
- William Golding, Lord of the Flies, Ch. 9

Does An Eye For An Eye Leave You As Blind As Acid?

On Friday I read that an Iranian court order a man blinded for throwing acid in a woman's face and blinding her (read article). Basically, the ruling is legit according to the Islamic code of equivalence.

When I first read this I was outraged. Blinding a guy for a crime? Savages!

Then I thought about it. Isn't it in our basic human nature to seek justice for wrong doings? I know the biblical ideal of "an eye for an eye" just leaves everyone blind, but what happens when someone is malicious. This was not an accident. This was malice.

You only have to read (or watch) the news to see that the world is getting crazier by the day. Terrorists in India, the perpetual Middle East crisis, Iraq, Iran, Al Queda, etc. Aside from religious zealots and the mentally insane, add those with malicious intent towards their fellow man (or woman in this case). Do we really need this added on? What would be the American response to this? Jailing the man for 5 -10 years. Would that cure his malicious intent? Can someone like this be cured? Would this deter the next offender or just assure that he elevated his crime to murder so there were no witnesses.

Would we forcibly sodomize a rapist or pedophile in the name of justice? We kill murderers in most states, don't we?

I don't know what the answer is. My civil brain calls it cruel. My human core calls it fair. The one thing I do believe is that at least the victim will be able to sleep peacefully at night.

The Cult Of Plinko

I was home this morning and the TV happened to be on CBS when I turned it on to watch during breakfast. As I watched, I was amazed at what I saw: the television syndication of a daily cult gathering that has been ongoing since 1972 (show started in 1956 but was not a cult yet). These people meet daily like a cult and meet to receive the generous bounty of gifts provided by their god.

I'm referring to "The Price Is Right."

Let me help you understand where I'm coming from. Here are the reasons the show participants and watchers are a cult:

1. Members attend weekday services daily
2. The cult technically began with the appointment of Bob Barker (1972) as head. Bob often required models to sleep with him to prove their loyalty to the cult. The heir to the throne was Drew Carey who most would agree gets no such perk.
   
3. Members wear the traditional ceremonial clothing -basic white tee shirt or other tee. This tee sometimes has painted or written words like "I love Bob (the original deity) or Drew(the heir ).
4. Often the ceremonial virgin is offered in the form of a "large breasted" participant with the above mentioned comments on her tee shirt jumping up and down profusely for the cameras as she runs from the top of the studio stairs to the bottom where the ceremony will take place.
5. Members are allowed to touch their deity when chosen and are also forced to call out other members they have brought into the cult during a ritual called a "shout out." Often people will call out those they have indoctrinated in their home towns ("Hi mom, grandma, little Susie and Bobby")
6. Unlike organized religion, members are encouraged to dress down. Showing up in a tie and gown won't get you to the ceremonial altar
7. Attendees from various areas wear regional colors or uniforms to indicate they are there together (pink girlie shirts, white tees with logos, tees with pics of the host,servicemen, etc.)
   

I get it. The shows early popularity was based on the interest of the tons of housewives who knew about only one thing - shopping for the household. It's 2008. You would figure we would have something more interesting than a "Betty Crocker" like show.

Or maybe it's that the show offered people of low expectations a chance to win a car or other lavish gifts by just knowing the price of Spam, but it's still disturbing to see some of the groupies go on stage and act like this is their ONE shining moment in life.

I wish you all the best if you get to meet Drew but if not, here's a parting gift... {SPACE OPEN FOR ADVERTISING}

The Smile Felt Around The World

This post is a bit awkward. For the past few hours I've been speechless. I went to vote early this morning and instead of seeing the grumpy, beaten down characters I usually see at the local junior high school on election day, I saw something different. Sure, there were more people. New people. Many younger and some much older. There were heads of household that had brought their entire families out to make sure all possible votes in their household were counted. Regardless of whom they were voting for, I saw something everywhere - pride. At the cost of sounding cheesy, I hadn't seen this in a long time. Real American Pride had not manifested itself since the painful events of 9/11. Not the divisive "country first" pride I had seen in recent weeks, but the real thing. Living in NY, I was as proud to see it this morning as I was back then. I had almost lost hope that we could get right the one thing that we used to excel at - an election.

I usually ignore my house phone anyway, but I made sure I didn't pick up any calls this week so I didn't get one of the automated voting calls that have been calling me all week (yesterday, my mom called and told me she was called by Mike Bloomberg). All day I've gotten texts, emails and calls celebrating just the fact that friends have voted and are hoping for change (see my friend's post here). While the sadistic part of me wants to ship Palin and her family back to Alaska and drill wells in her backyard, the better part of me looks at the historic event that happened today.

Look past the mixed heritage of the president-elect. Look past the record numbers of voters and new voters who stood in line this morning (personally, my fat ass had to stand in line next to neighborhood people who I really didn't feel like speaking to at 8am in the morning). Forget that the world opinion of this great nation has been in the gutter and the the world is looking for us to set the example - to be the example. Forget that after years of election shenanigans, everyone doubted we could still get it right.

Instead, focus and revel for a moment in history. For those of us that are younger, this may be our Bobby Kennedy, our JFK, our vessel for change . However, this is a Pyrrhic victory. We have already lost so much. Some more than others. For a second though, forget everything else and just enjoy the moment.

Today I don't gloat. Today I hope that change does come.

This Week's Observations

A few miscellaneous observations from this past week:

Even notice that whenever you see public servants they're never working? They're always on break. I went to lunch and saw firemen hanging out on the corner. A few blocks down, two cop cars (one double parked) were just hanging out talking to each other. The Con Ed gang by my house has been working down the same manhole cover for weeks. Probably because they have 2 guys on traffic flag patrol.

I heard an ad on the radio this week for a site called AshleyMadison.com. Apparently, this is a site for people who want to have affairs. Yep - affairs. The site states that you should go there to "change your life" or if you are in need of "something more." I didn't know that we needed a specific site for affairs. What happened to good old fashioned lying on every other web site? Correct me if I'm wrong, but I thought that lying was part of what made affairs so attractive.

On TV, I saw a commercial for one of those hungry children organizations with Laurie Metcalf (TV Rosanne's sister) pleading for donations. There should be a few mandatory rules to using "stars" to solicit donations. The 1st being that the star power should at minimum dress up and look like a star. It's not difficult. Sally Struthers was a cow, but at least she always dressed up and made herself look nice for the cameras. Metcalf on the other hand looks busted. There's no other word for it. She literally looks like she snorted coke for a decade ten rolled out of bed to beg for donations. They would have been better getting one of the two "Becky" characters than this old hag.

...all for now...

Thinking Of Not Voting?

In case you were thinking of NOT voting, just remember what the current administration thinks of you...




To see his self described "one-fingered victory salute" click below.



Now make sure you go vote...

I Wish I Couldn't Remember...Eating That Entire Pie...

Scientists may one day be able to erase selective memories that you don't want to remember. According to this BBC article, lab tests are already being done on mice to erase part of their memories. I won't bore you with the specifics - you can read the article, but the possible applications to humans include erasing painful memories and traumatic experiences.

While erasing the memory of a rape, or a war veteran's horrid mental flashbacks might sound appealing, I have to wonder where the line would be drawn. There are always statements made by the pharmaceutical companies and the FDA that these things will be regulated, but we all know that these can be abused. Where would the line be drawn? Would we bypass molestation as a child and use it to forget the loss of a pet? Of a family member? What about forgetting a bad break up? Or even a bad marriage (I know a few friends who would love that)? Where do you stop?

Let's look at it in an existential way. If the sum of your experiences is what makes your mind, your soul and your basic existence, then wouldn't the removal of these events change who you are? We consistently hear about how a child who had a rough experiences felt he needed to work harder and in turn becomes a superstar later in life. What if you removed those experiences? Would the child still become an over achieving adult?

There is a reason that the mind remembers. Our mind knows that the sum of our experiences helps us decide future actions. If there is an experience that we simply cannot handle, the mind has been known to block that out too - without the use of a drug.

As painful as it may be, I see this much in the same light as I see altering the female monthly cycle (previous post). If you alter certain things in the body, the body (and mind) will eventually adapt its way around it.

What if a side effect was the mind providing you flashbacks to these chemically blocked memories? Wouldn't you think that you're going nuts?

An Inebriated Moment...

What are we? Less than 20 days until the election? This is the time when things are going to get nasty. I figure all we can do is ignore all the BS and make an educated decision on what we've learned so far. As I sit with my friends during a poker game (with a few drinks), I'm reminded of what's important and what can't be taken away from us. While the next president-elect can make our lives monitarily difficult, they can't take away our experiences, our lives, our families, our friends...

Basically, if this election doesn't go the way that you're hoping- don't give up. just remember what's important to you.

3rd Debate Summary -Kind Of...

I was a bit sleepy during the 3rd Presidential debate the other night, but let me give a summary in case anyone missed it. I've paraphrased most of the responses for easy reading.

Moderator: Question blah,blah blah? To Obama first-
Obama:Yadda, Yadda
McCain: I have the scars. I've done hat, been there. I have a history. He wants to tax you. Joe the plumber!
Obama: Someone get the old man a Q-tip. As I stated before, my plan is this...
McCain:Robin Hood wants to redistribute your wealth. He's gonna tax you! Joe the plumber...
Obama: Joe the plumber...get the man a hearing aid...my plan is this...

Moderator: Let's move on to the next question...
McCain: Terrorist!
Obama: Am not
McCain:Watch this guy, he's shifty. Who is he? Hangs with terrorists...
Obama: I'm not gonna have terrorists in the White House...
McCain: Feel scared yet, America? BOOGEY BOOGEY!
Obama: As I stated before...
McCain:Don't trust the terrorist, he's going to spend lots of Joe the plumber's money and then he's going to fine him for not giving his employees' medical insurance. Everyone should fear the scary liberal. The boogey man is coming...
Moderator: Next question...

McCain: FREEZE ALL SPENDING! Joe the plumber...
Obama: Joe the plumber needs a scalpel
McCain: I used to have a pen...a sharpie...I'll use it. The black guy wants to spend more...
Obama: This old guy is getting crabby, he needs a nap. Like I said before, under your program, Palin's special needs kid's program wouldn't have funding
McCain: Terrorist! Big Spender! Joe the plumber...
Obama" As I said before...
McCain:I'm not Bush. You should have run 4 years ago
Obama:If I'm a big spending liberal, you might as well be Bush

Moderator:Let's focus for another question- negative ads...
McCain: Hey, I'm trying to win and he's not making it easy. Besides, it's politics
Obama:You've been calling me names
McCain: Did not!
Obama: Did too!
McCain:You let them call me names and didn't apologize...and at least I defended you and said you weren't a Muslim...just a terrorist
Obama: I didn't say anything- why would I apologize?
McCain:Anyone know a good support group for name calling? Obama's gonna hurt Joe, Joe....Joe the plumber...
Obama:Can we pause so he can have a nap?


By the way, from BBC online (about "Joe"):
"However, a bit of media digging has uncovered that Mr Wurzelbacher's first name is actually Samuel and he does not have a plumber's licence, although the company he works for does.

According to Tony Herrera, of the Plumbers and Steamfitters Local 50 in Toledo, Ohio, Mr Wurzelbacher cannot practise in Toledo without a licence - although he can work for someone with a master's licence or in outlying areas that do not require a licence.

According to local court records, Mr Wurzelbacher also owes the state of Ohio $1,182.98 in personal income tax.

Mr Wurzelbacher acknowledged he did not have a plumber's licence and admitted in one interview he was "not even close" to earning $250,000."

McCain is 2 for 2. First he chooses Palin without meeting her, now Joe..err...Samuel...

Here's Your Bill

The National Debt Clock in NY has been taken down...because it needs more digits.

Who would have ever thought the country of apple pie, blue jeans and rock and roll would be borrowing money from China?

To really rub it in, the rise in oil prices has given Iraq a surplus of more than 6 million dollars. The cost of the Iraq War is now more than a trillion dollars. I've been hearing about this "surplus" for the past few months and I'm sure they are slowly using some of it on infrastructure issues and bribing more militia into compliance but I think it's time to pay the bill.

It time to write up an invoice or send them the bill for this occupation:

• Removal of dictator (regardless of false reasons for invasion) $300 billion
• Bribing militias to comply and help with the "surge" $100 billion
• Training of new security personnel and law enforcement $3 million
• Early "exit" penalty and handing over security to local government $100 billion

As an added incentive, we will ship "W" to you once we're done with him.

We will gladly accept payment in Visa, Mastercard or oil barrels...

By the way, it's time to start taking credits on the money we owe China since they refuse to pay over $100 billion owed to us. Someone needs to send Condoleeza out to recycle cans. Hey - every bit helps!

Who Would You Appoint To Government?

I have all these ideas running through my head so here goes -

I was watching the debate-less "debate" tonight and started wondering about who should lead what. Let me explain. Regardless of who leads, you are only as good as your team, right? This true in sports, business and government.

In the last 8 years, we have learned the hard way that hubris is the ultimate enemy and can cause a leader to believe that they are always right and require the counsel of no one. This recent hubris can only be compared to the old idea that a king was appointed by god.

Since we've learned the importance of counsel, I was interested in who would the candidates choose to build their ultimate team? Here are a few of my suggestions:

1. We can't forget Hilary. I'll admit, I was the first to hate this woman before, but she made a believer out of me. I'd think somewhere with health care would be appropriate but maybe Sec of State (Rice's position) would suit her even better. I could see her ironing out some of the foreign jams we've gotten ourselves into in the past 8 years and no one would argue with a woman in a pant suit!
2. Buffet for Treasury? Ok. We're on the right track. You know how the post office needs to be run like a business instead of a government office to get it running smoothly (who wants to wait in those lines)? Well, our Treasury Secretary needs to be a businessman. Put Bloomberg there. I guarantee we'll hate him for 4 years -but we'll be back in line. There's nothing like a businessman to put you back in the black.
   
3. Energy - Guys, you don't need and energy plan! Click here and take this one from T. Boone Pickens. It's in video format, so you non-readers don't have to sweat it. Just click and view. Put him in charge and let him roll with it. You can put him in charge of building the wind farms also.
   
4. Defense - This is tough. It's easy to feel warm and fuzzy at night if some military person is in control, but we'd need someone who's not trigger happy.

Please submit all suggestions to your candidates.

A Personal Moment

My Grandmother turned 97 on October 4th. It seems surreal that for almost a century she's walked on this earth and is still in good shape. Don't get me wrong - her pill case would make a college kid drool, but none of them are for major diseases and she goes out on "walkabouts" around the city on an almost daily basis. She's a sharp contrast to those old people in the rocking (or wheel) chairs that are always celebrated by Willard Scott on NBC.

We celebrated her birthday as we do every year. We tell her that just the immediate family is going out to dinner and when she agrees, we add a few friends and family to make her night special. As I sat there last night (the only person under 50), I just observed the conversation and wondered..."when"?

When did I become the family planner & organizer? I'm by no means the patriarch of this ragtag group of senior misfits, yet the uncle that stepped up to the plate is practically absent from our lives. My father - out of state. Somehow the responsibility has been passed down to me.

Don't get me wrong. These annual birthday dinners were my idea. I started them when she was 92. I figured what could you possibly want at 92 years old? You pretty much have everything or have decided you don't really need anything you don't have. I would assume at that age, human relationships are what matter. The connections you made during those 9+ decades are what stands in your mind the most - not the 46" TV you bought last year.

I guess I just somehow missed the "tag" to tell me I was "in". Somehow, in the course of life's events, power switched from the ruling class to me and I missed it. Now it's my turn to make sure all the 70+ year old "kids" ( my mother and grandmother) keep out of the street and get in the car. Somehow now I'm responsible for important date reminders and chauffeur service. Somehow it's now up to me to teach the use of remote controls, cell phones, features on air conditioners and how the satellite TV works. I have to pre-screen dinner options for things I know they don't like and it's me calling around 10 P.M. to make sure they arrived home safely from wherever their adventures led them today. It's also me yelling "why did I give you a cell phone if you're not going to use it" when it's late and I can't locate them.

I'm not complaining. This is life, and it chooses to run it's course regardless of how many comment cards I choose to send in.

I'm just saying that somehow, I missed the email...

An Open Post To The Presidential (and VP) Candidates

To the Presidential and Vice Presidential Candidates,

With a little over a month left until the November election, there are a few topics and issues that you have found "surprising" and that I find disturbing considering the job you are attempting to acquire. For future reference, let me point out a few points that those of us on "Main St." have not found surprising, but somehow you do:

1. Corporations left unwatched will consistently increase their profits while stepping all over the little guy
2. That poor guy that you claim won't want to pay for his state "sponsored" insurance because it will cost more than his employer's insurance NEVER HAD INSURANCE to begin with. He was never able to afford it.
   
3. Muslim states are really led by the head Imam, not the president. Talking to the president is like brokering a deal with Queen Elizabeth...
   
4. The world hates us. The days of "bring me some blue jeans from America" (in an eastern European voice) are over. We need a diplomat and a PR firm...
5. American kids are stupid. We are ranked like 20 out of 27 in education among industrial nations. We need to control the A.D.D. generation now before all is lost or you'll be reading about the decline of American society in a text message...
   

In addition, we would like to stop hearing the following on both sides:

1. Any Main St. Vs. Wall St. comparison
2. Any comments about either side not being patriotic
3. All guilt trips to vote for McCain because he was a POW and a war hero.
   
4. We get it! EVERYONE loves Israel. Move on...
5. The phrase "drill baby, drill."
   
6. The words "Maverick", "Surge", "Bail-out", and "'betcha"
7. The "lost babe in the woods" routine
8. Age comments - he's too old/young
9. Any animal references

Thank you.
The Voting Public

"...now put some more lipstick on that pig..."

24 Hours In Life

Twenty-four hours ago I was in the Atlantic Ocean on a cruise ship. For a little over a week, I suspended the monotonous activities of my life and accepted that it was time to let someone else pilot the proverbial (and actual) ship. I made no decisions beyond pool, food or which lounge to sit in. I had never been on a cruise before and was pleasantly surprised. Here were my observations:

• Shortly after everyone boards, we are all forced to do an emergency drill, grab your life jacket and go to your muster station. For those that have never seen this, it looks like a herd of tourists being herded and lined up on a side deck under a life boat. What you do learn (but they don't announce) is that the last few rows of people showing up would probably drown since they took way too long to arrive to the deck and I doubt the boat would wait. (You need to speed it up gramps!)
• During the drill, the crew is clearly focused on getting you to your station, but I wonder how they would control the loose cannons that would just run towards the railing and take their chance with a dive...
• I don't see what the rush is to plan excursions. How much of any place can you see in a day? The days at port are really supposed to be the vacationing equivalent of an amuse bouche. Just enough to wet your appetite and leave you craving more. The problem with this is that it's a tease. The mental equivalent of masturbation without release. There is no possible way to feel satisfied when you only have hours to immerse yourself in a culture. This is why you pay a guide a ridiculous fee to show you a sample of foreign "life." I say "life" because this usually revolved around sites that the guide gets paid to take you to (tourist shops), so the only culture you are actually seeing is capitalism.

Bottom line is this: The ship is the vacation. The ship is your salvation. The ship is the reason you are there. Face it - there is no possible way you can feel stressed while looking over your balcony at the open ocean with a setting sun in the background. Perspective is important in life and to be at a hotel at sea and not see life, work and relationships in a different light would be insane. It is during your days at sea that you are able to completely detach from the world.


Oh yeah, one more observation. Ladies -just because you have a larger canvas to put tattoos on doesn't mean you need to fill all 400+ pounds of it.

Congress Needs A Paycut

I read that during the Constitutional Convention, Benjamin Franklin suggested that congressional members not accept a payment for their service. Unfortunately other members were able to have a payment attached to service. It wasn't until 1815 that this per diem became a straight salary. I googled it today and found out that the average Congressional member gets paid $169,300 yearly. Many times, members of Congress have voted to not give themselves a raise. But therein lies the problem. Can you vote yourself a raise? What other job do you know where the only gauge for your job performance is being voted back in when your term is over and you can campain for the next term?

I know politics is a dirty game. Each party vetos the other, no reforms are passed and the only people that suffer are the people who employ the representatives. The reform we need is SALARY reform. Why are we still paying members of Congress that don't show up to work? Their salaries should be in our hands. Didn't accomplish anything in a year? 25% pay cut. Don't show up to work? You get limited sick days like the rest of us, then you need to apply for disability - just like the rest of us. Not doing your job in the people's eyes? You get a write up for lack of productivity. Hard economic times? Huge national deficit? Sorry, no increases for you until you balance the budget. We simply can't afford it.

The people should decide your pay, your benefits and your basic livelihood. Prove yourselves and be rewarded.

TOO MUCH Customer Sevice

I was at a bar the other night with some friends. It was the holiday weekend, most of us had been working a lot and it was a good time to relax and catch up on life. We chose a slow, often empty, local hole in the wall that we used to frequent when we were younger. While the place is nothing special anymore and the bartender couldn't mix a drink if her life depended on it, the location offers us seats, a good jukebox and isn't far from home.

The cost of this Utopia is an inexperienced bartender who doesn't know the difference between building rapport and butting in on conversation. I can only compare her to the old woman in the airplane seat next to you who keeps asking you a question every time you put your ear plugs in to watch the movie or hear music.

For example, there were 4 of us at the bar when we arrived. After a little banter, the bartender asked if anyone wanted to play doubles in pool. Doubles. Hmm. 4 of us, one of her. 2 sets of 2 plus 1. Let me get this straight - we came to talk and drink in your bar and you suggest one of us sits of the activity at the bar so you can play pool? Go do your damn job and come back when the glasses are empty!

I've been in other locations and seen similar behavior. The waiter at the restaurant that can't read the body language of the arguing couple and interrupts them mid argument. Maybe service employees should be trained in body language.

I don't want to discourage the waitress who sits at the table of guys while she takes your order and builds a great relationship with her customer. That waitress keeps my glass full and keeps checking in regularly, but not intrusively. She will get a large tip. She deserves it.

Drinks anyone?

Questions?

Huh?

Maybe it's the lack of sleep tonight, but what type of "comments or questions" could you possibly have about a GIANT PAPER CLIP? It's a PAPER CLIP!

1. Is is larger than most clips ("giant")
2. Does it clip paper?
3. Can you unfold it and use it to reset all your catchy gadgets with pin sized reset buttons?

SAVE YOUR PHONE CALLS.

Four Day Work Week? How About Three?

The week leading into Labor Day weekend is really busy for me at work. As a result, I end up working extra hours and sometimes extra days. After several days of 10 hour shifts, I am reminded of the propositions for a 4 day work week earlier in the year. The propositions were actually thought out because of high gas prices, but I wonder why we don't do this as a rule of thumb for basic sanity. We always complain about quality of life. What better way to improve quality of life than to give your employees a third day off during the week?

There are two ways to do this - most businesses work the 40 hour week in 4 days (longer shifts) while others just try to be more productive in the 4 days that they work.

A few online businesses have tried this and enjoyed better employee morale and productivity. Most note that business essentials (such as customer service) are still taken care of on the off day and someone is on call for emergencies.

In June, Wayne County in N.C. closed it's HR and social services offices as well as some other government jobs one day a week. This was meant to save on gas spending. While some workers enjoyed the change, others worried about completing tasks in 4 days and about having their schedules changed.

Aaron Newton writes a post giving 16 reasons why we should be on a 4 day work week. He covers both the 40 hour and a 30-32 hour week idea. While his post was based on gas savings, he makes a good point for improved workplace productivity and personal employee savings (childcare, gas, etc.).

Responses to Newton's post also remind us that the average American spends 2 hours a day surfing the web and calling friends at work. In my line of work, I can point out all the miscellaneous gossiping and chatting that goes on incessantly if I don't consistently walk the area to assure everyone is being productive. Apparently the next generation of laborers can surf the web, IM, text, listen to music and talk on the phone simultaneously but are unable to speak while performing tasks they are being paid to do. The minute the conversation starts, the hands stop moving. Go figure!

Personally, I would love the idea of a shorter week with less hours. 8-9 hours I could do. I think productivity would increase and we would have more time to spend with friends and families. I think people would be less stressed.

Think about it - are we built to work the way we do? 40+ hours a week after commuting to work in crowded conditions or sitting in traffic for 5 days, twice a day. It doesn't end there. Some of us are then "on call" for emergencies when the business is closed (even though we don't own the business) and many times receive calls regarding the business while at home or on the way home. In essence our time off is conditional. The cost of not answering the phone on one of these calls is cleaning up a huge mess on the day you return to work.

The cell phone and mobile internet have made us a 24 hour worker - although not as driven. Compared to the Japanese worker, but we're "at work" more than we're supposed to and are still less productive.

I know times were hard, but let's go back to the days of getting up in the morning, clubbing an animal to death for food and dragging it back to the cave for a home cooked meal.

Then let's spend the rest of the day figuring out what that shiny thing in the sky is...