Gold Found At JFK

If you're ever at JFK flying American out to Las Vegas, take a walk to the Burger King upstairs by the gates (past the security check point).

Last May I flew to Vegas with a friend of mine for a weekend in Sin City. While we were waiting for the flight, we decided to get a bite to eat at Burger King. The line was huge and you could tell that their "A" team wasn't working this shift. Even a simple order like a Whopper seemed to take an average of 15 minutes and then it sometimes went to the wrong customer who was so happy he got any food at all that he just ate whatever he was given.

It was in this food service chaos that we saw the sign. A bright, shiny gold sign prominently displayed at the top right of the french fry machine. In clear, bold black letters it read "GOLD MINE."

We both burst out in laughter.

I've dealt with customer service and company profits for most of my employed life, so I get the significance of the machine, but the idea of the story behind how this sign came to be placed on this machine left too many possibilities in my mind.

I could see the franchise owner informing his less than friendly employees that they all had to add on the french fries to every order. "Ask every customer if they want fries" he would say. When he made the schedule and informed each employee where they would be working the following would have transpired:

Employee: "So I am fryer today?"
Owner: "No, you're working the gold mine."
Employee: "Yeah, de french fries."
Owner: "No. It is the gold mine and you will refer to it as such."
Employee: "Ok. I work fry."

The owner would then have gone out of his way to re-write all the new hire paperwork, manuals, etc. so that they all said "gold mine." Then a great idea would have come to him - a gold plaque proudly stating "GOLD MINE" so that every employee from this point forward would know the monetary importance of this machine and the product it cooks.

I didn't hear them ask ONE person if they wanted to add fries with their single burgers.

Some gold mine...

Time For Men To Say "I Told You So"

Since the creation of mead, men have been telling women that sex is better after a few drinks. Now we have scientific proof!

Researchers in Australia (article here)have discovered that drinkers report 30 percent fewer problems during sex. For you ladies making that "pfft" sound, just think - that means 30% more of you are satisfied. That's 30 % less whiskey...uh..."droop" they called it.

Main reason? If you ask me, after a few drinks, who cares about all the mental over thinking that guys do. Constantly planning scenarios in our head. After a few drinks, it's just "showtime."

Now if only they could work on an antidote for beer goggles...

Social Networking Redux

Last April I wrote a post on how everyone at work was putting all their info on My Space (original post).

Since then I have agreed to assist a friend of mine in a project he's undertaken. To make a long story short and not really disclose his business, he asked me to make a Facebook page to support his endeavor.

Insert GRUMBLE here.

I'll fall in line and take one for the team, but I feel like a hypocrite. It's not that I don't wonder what people from my past look like or what some people have been doing...well, maybe it is.

You see, the internet has this incredible ability to assist us in keeping people we know in contact forever - like luggage. Sometimes that is a good thing. I was interested to see what some classmates from grammar school were doing and it is always interesting to connect to people who you already know. But isn't this why I have a web site, email and a blog? If you really give a crap about me don't you already have my contact info?

Maybe it sounds a little callus. I'm reminded of when everyone first got AIM and everyone wondered how many friends you had. Is that what this is? Who does Tave know - and who do they know? Is this some version of six degrees of separation where the goal is to click on your friend's, friends and see if you have friends in common or do most people simply want to peer into other people's lives as a point of conversation?

I am by no means afraid of the internet. As I write this, I can think of at least 3 off color pictures of me posted online. I also know what I've written here is rarely politically correct. So it's not that I'm afraid of people finding out stuff about me. Instead, I think I just don't want to share stuff with people I don't care about - just like I don't "break bread" with people I don't like.

It's bad enough I have to check 4 email addresses to check email, now I also need to periodically check my Facebook?

I need someone to invent software for a portal that allows me to just log in to one spot and see all my emails and connections without having to log in twenty times.

Someone get me Bill Gates.

Ever Wish You Could Shut Off Your Brain?

"...I...have be-come...comfortably numb..."

Grow Up Already!

It is mankind's instinct to try to better itself and protect itself from harm. Years ago we began vaccinations for babies and we were able to eliminate the pox and other viruses. We also instinctively always want more. We vaccinate everyone to the point that viruses and diseases find a way to mutate into something stronger and resistant to antibiotics. We put hormones in our milk for decades and you can't tell me that after years of the dairy lobbyists telling us to "drink milk" they aren't the reason that 13 year old kids have a size 15 shoe size. What possible genetic improvement could this have been if not pushed by human intervention?

It's also no secret that kids have a shorter childhood. Kids are spending less time playing with toys and in the land of make believe. Too soon they are exposed to violence and sex. Kids are dressing like adults. Twelve year old boys pretending they are pimps. Thirteen year old girls wearing pants that say "juicy" on their rear. Seriously - I saw this on my lunch hour. What are they thinking? What are the parents thinking? Didn't seeing that Jon Benet Ramsey pic where she's dressed up like a whore disturb anyone else? This is what happens when we allow schools and television to raise the next generation.

You need a license to fish, but they allow any moron to have a child.

"It's The End Of The World As We Know It, And I Feel..."

With the New Year around the corner, we started to see video footage of Israel bombing Gaza. Horrific stories of rockets being propelled into Israel and the right of a nation to defend itself were repeated on every channel.

BBC reported today that a bomb killed at least 35 Shia pilgrims on Sunday. Tamil Tiger rebels in Sri Lanka killed 53 soldiers. Suicide bomber attack outside a college in Pakistan.

Does it seem like things are getting better?

I'm a realist. I get it. This is the way of the world and has always been the way of the world. Man defaults to violence to resolve issues. It has always been our way - it's in our programming. A caveman disagrees with you, you club him with your bone and the argument is resolved. In it's most beautiful, simplistic form, nature is just making sure the fittest survive.

That being said, the ways of men have complicated this exponentially. You see, unfortunately I am also an idealist. this is the part where you are going to start disagreeing with me.

I believe that every country has a right to exist and have the right to protect (preemtively if necessary) its citizens. By this idea, Israel has a right not only to exist, but to protect its people from harm. At the same time, I believe the Palestinians deserve a place to call home. Ah, quite the conundrum. Every great religion looks to Jerusalem as the spot of something holy. How do you split up prime real estate when everyone wants the same spot?

My gut tells me to evacuate the location and bomb the "Holy Land" back to the ice age. If there is nothing there, man can't fight over it. If you want, do the same in Iraq, Kashmir, Sri Lanka and parts of Africa. Only when man loses what he wants will he understand the value of what he had.

I know. It sounds savage. Also, it could create thousands of new holy warriors against the bombing country. Give me another option. Clear heads clearly do not prevail in these areas. There is no global morality. Success in these regions is directly attributed to cash up front to all the right people. All I know is that we can't continue like this. Eventually everything will explode. As a country, we are overextended. We can't police the world at this time in history. Our soldiers are in Iraq, Afghanistan and in locations all over the world to prevent a direct attack on home soil.

Someone else needs to stand up and play "Robocop." We need to take care of our own for a little while.