Christmas: One Big Ole "Pay It Forward?"

As the Christmas holiday approaches, I focus on how such a simple holiday (the birth of a religious figure) has taken on so many different meanings for different people.

First, the religious celebrate the birth of a saviour...right next to the pagan tree with a pagan yule log and commercial gifts. As Arsenio Hall would say, "things that make you go hmmm..."

Some just celebrate a great time for shopping and buying people gifts. These are split into the people who like to give gifts to friends and actually smile while thinking that a present will be enjoyed by the recipient and the second - a group of people who tally every cent you spend on them last year, subtract 10% for depreciation and then allocate your gift fund. These are often the people that decorate their house with so many lights that it can be seen from the moon.

Finally, there is the group of people that just enjoy being with family and friends. Not the forced, awkward, often bitter family gatherings of movie lore, but actual good food, good friends, good times.

If you listen to Christmas songs, you are constantly reminded that "it's the most wonderful time of the year" and everyone is in "good cheer." If you believe the opposite, you are dismissed as a grinch.

Basically, I guess Christmas is some big, ole "pay it forward" holiday. You make your friends happy, they make others happy, and it goes on and on. The bath set you bought for the admin at work made her so happy she bought a gift certificate for her sister who in turns feeds the hungry on Christmas. OK- maybe nothing that noble, but you get the point. I think it's the one time of the year when you're allowed to stop and soak in the love. But just in case you miss it, next week you get to hear the drunks say "I effin love you man, you're effin cool" as they celebrate New Year's eve.

Merry Christmas.
Tave

Greed And Envy (a.k.a. these are a few of my favorite sins...)

On Black Friday, a Wal*Mart employee was trampled by indifferent shoppers greedily looking for cheap electronics. With this disturbing display of human nature, I wanted to mirror a post I made on another blog. The original article from the NYT click here.

"It seemed fitting then, in a tragic way, that the holiday season began with violence fueled by desperation; with a mob making a frantic reach for things they wanted badly, knowing they might go home empty-handed."

I think the idea that the event might have been fueled by our "spend more" programming or the possibility of "leaving empty handed" takes away from the real issue which is much deeper. Part of the human condition is having certain vices - in this case greed and envy. This is not the case of mom trying to get a Tickle Me Elmo for her 5 year old to make his Christmas special. These are mostly adults buying "presents" for themselves or their households. They should be able to deal with the possibility of "leaving empty handed" because if the parenting had been in place when they were young, they would have been taught another crucial life lesson -disappointment.

When I was a kid I wanted an Atari 2600. My dad waited forthe last minute to buy it and as a result I received a few little gifts and a card from mom and dad with money for my 2600. Every kid knows if you don't get the electronics on Christmas day, retailers usualy have low stock until February or so. You know what? I learned to wait. I learned that life doesn't work out the way you want, sometimes it's nice that at least someone tried and that the thought DOES count.

There is no personal accountability or responsibility in the conscious of the average American. Forget civil duty, we lack basic morality. I find it incredible that a nation that claims "In God We Trust" ignores the teachings of the same. Perhaps we should say "in my neighbor I covet" since to me the basic cause of this employee getting crushed was Bob wanting to show off his new TV to Larry over the game on Sunday.

Don't get me wrong, once Wal Mart managers noticed so many people outside, cops should have been contacted for riot control. That's just smart business. But the problem here is the human heart. One only has to read Lord of the Flies to remember that we are capable of pure evil.

"'Kill the beast! Cut his throat! Spill his blood!'"
- William Golding, Lord of the Flies, Ch. 9

Does An Eye For An Eye Leave You As Blind As Acid?

On Friday I read that an Iranian court order a man blinded for throwing acid in a woman's face and blinding her (read article). Basically, the ruling is legit according to the Islamic code of equivalence.

When I first read this I was outraged. Blinding a guy for a crime? Savages!

Then I thought about it. Isn't it in our basic human nature to seek justice for wrong doings? I know the biblical ideal of "an eye for an eye" just leaves everyone blind, but what happens when someone is malicious. This was not an accident. This was malice.

You only have to read (or watch) the news to see that the world is getting crazier by the day. Terrorists in India, the perpetual Middle East crisis, Iraq, Iran, Al Queda, etc. Aside from religious zealots and the mentally insane, add those with malicious intent towards their fellow man (or woman in this case). Do we really need this added on? What would be the American response to this? Jailing the man for 5 -10 years. Would that cure his malicious intent? Can someone like this be cured? Would this deter the next offender or just assure that he elevated his crime to murder so there were no witnesses.

Would we forcibly sodomize a rapist or pedophile in the name of justice? We kill murderers in most states, don't we?

I don't know what the answer is. My civil brain calls it cruel. My human core calls it fair. The one thing I do believe is that at least the victim will be able to sleep peacefully at night.

The Cult Of Plinko

I was home this morning and the TV happened to be on CBS when I turned it on to watch during breakfast. As I watched, I was amazed at what I saw: the television syndication of a daily cult gathering that has been ongoing since 1972 (show started in 1956 but was not a cult yet). These people meet daily like a cult and meet to receive the generous bounty of gifts provided by their god.

I'm referring to "The Price Is Right."

Let me help you understand where I'm coming from. Here are the reasons the show participants and watchers are a cult:

1. Members attend weekday services daily
2. The cult technically began with the appointment of Bob Barker (1972) as head. Bob often required models to sleep with him to prove their loyalty to the cult. The heir to the throne was Drew Carey who most would agree gets no such perk.
   
3. Members wear the traditional ceremonial clothing -basic white tee shirt or other tee. This tee sometimes has painted or written words like "I love Bob (the original deity) or Drew(the heir ).
4. Often the ceremonial virgin is offered in the form of a "large breasted" participant with the above mentioned comments on her tee shirt jumping up and down profusely for the cameras as she runs from the top of the studio stairs to the bottom where the ceremony will take place.
5. Members are allowed to touch their deity when chosen and are also forced to call out other members they have brought into the cult during a ritual called a "shout out." Often people will call out those they have indoctrinated in their home towns ("Hi mom, grandma, little Susie and Bobby")
6. Unlike organized religion, members are encouraged to dress down. Showing up in a tie and gown won't get you to the ceremonial altar
7. Attendees from various areas wear regional colors or uniforms to indicate they are there together (pink girlie shirts, white tees with logos, tees with pics of the host,servicemen, etc.)
   

I get it. The shows early popularity was based on the interest of the tons of housewives who knew about only one thing - shopping for the household. It's 2008. You would figure we would have something more interesting than a "Betty Crocker" like show.

Or maybe it's that the show offered people of low expectations a chance to win a car or other lavish gifts by just knowing the price of Spam, but it's still disturbing to see some of the groupies go on stage and act like this is their ONE shining moment in life.

I wish you all the best if you get to meet Drew but if not, here's a parting gift... {SPACE OPEN FOR ADVERTISING}

The Smile Felt Around The World

This post is a bit awkward. For the past few hours I've been speechless. I went to vote early this morning and instead of seeing the grumpy, beaten down characters I usually see at the local junior high school on election day, I saw something different. Sure, there were more people. New people. Many younger and some much older. There were heads of household that had brought their entire families out to make sure all possible votes in their household were counted. Regardless of whom they were voting for, I saw something everywhere - pride. At the cost of sounding cheesy, I hadn't seen this in a long time. Real American Pride had not manifested itself since the painful events of 9/11. Not the divisive "country first" pride I had seen in recent weeks, but the real thing. Living in NY, I was as proud to see it this morning as I was back then. I had almost lost hope that we could get right the one thing that we used to excel at - an election.

I usually ignore my house phone anyway, but I made sure I didn't pick up any calls this week so I didn't get one of the automated voting calls that have been calling me all week (yesterday, my mom called and told me she was called by Mike Bloomberg). All day I've gotten texts, emails and calls celebrating just the fact that friends have voted and are hoping for change (see my friend's post here). While the sadistic part of me wants to ship Palin and her family back to Alaska and drill wells in her backyard, the better part of me looks at the historic event that happened today.

Look past the mixed heritage of the president-elect. Look past the record numbers of voters and new voters who stood in line this morning (personally, my fat ass had to stand in line next to neighborhood people who I really didn't feel like speaking to at 8am in the morning). Forget that the world opinion of this great nation has been in the gutter and the the world is looking for us to set the example - to be the example. Forget that after years of election shenanigans, everyone doubted we could still get it right.

Instead, focus and revel for a moment in history. For those of us that are younger, this may be our Bobby Kennedy, our JFK, our vessel for change . However, this is a Pyrrhic victory. We have already lost so much. Some more than others. For a second though, forget everything else and just enjoy the moment.

Today I don't gloat. Today I hope that change does come.

This Week's Observations

A few miscellaneous observations from this past week:

Even notice that whenever you see public servants they're never working? They're always on break. I went to lunch and saw firemen hanging out on the corner. A few blocks down, two cop cars (one double parked) were just hanging out talking to each other. The Con Ed gang by my house has been working down the same manhole cover for weeks. Probably because they have 2 guys on traffic flag patrol.

I heard an ad on the radio this week for a site called AshleyMadison.com. Apparently, this is a site for people who want to have affairs. Yep - affairs. The site states that you should go there to "change your life" or if you are in need of "something more." I didn't know that we needed a specific site for affairs. What happened to good old fashioned lying on every other web site? Correct me if I'm wrong, but I thought that lying was part of what made affairs so attractive.

On TV, I saw a commercial for one of those hungry children organizations with Laurie Metcalf (TV Rosanne's sister) pleading for donations. There should be a few mandatory rules to using "stars" to solicit donations. The 1st being that the star power should at minimum dress up and look like a star. It's not difficult. Sally Struthers was a cow, but at least she always dressed up and made herself look nice for the cameras. Metcalf on the other hand looks busted. There's no other word for it. She literally looks like she snorted coke for a decade ten rolled out of bed to beg for donations. They would have been better getting one of the two "Becky" characters than this old hag.

...all for now...

Thinking Of Not Voting?

In case you were thinking of NOT voting, just remember what the current administration thinks of you...




To see his self described "one-fingered victory salute" click below.



Now make sure you go vote...

I Wish I Couldn't Remember...Eating That Entire Pie...

Scientists may one day be able to erase selective memories that you don't want to remember. According to this BBC article, lab tests are already being done on mice to erase part of their memories. I won't bore you with the specifics - you can read the article, but the possible applications to humans include erasing painful memories and traumatic experiences.

While erasing the memory of a rape, or a war veteran's horrid mental flashbacks might sound appealing, I have to wonder where the line would be drawn. There are always statements made by the pharmaceutical companies and the FDA that these things will be regulated, but we all know that these can be abused. Where would the line be drawn? Would we bypass molestation as a child and use it to forget the loss of a pet? Of a family member? What about forgetting a bad break up? Or even a bad marriage (I know a few friends who would love that)? Where do you stop?

Let's look at it in an existential way. If the sum of your experiences is what makes your mind, your soul and your basic existence, then wouldn't the removal of these events change who you are? We consistently hear about how a child who had a rough experiences felt he needed to work harder and in turn becomes a superstar later in life. What if you removed those experiences? Would the child still become an over achieving adult?

There is a reason that the mind remembers. Our mind knows that the sum of our experiences helps us decide future actions. If there is an experience that we simply cannot handle, the mind has been known to block that out too - without the use of a drug.

As painful as it may be, I see this much in the same light as I see altering the female monthly cycle (previous post). If you alter certain things in the body, the body (and mind) will eventually adapt its way around it.

What if a side effect was the mind providing you flashbacks to these chemically blocked memories? Wouldn't you think that you're going nuts?

An Inebriated Moment...

What are we? Less than 20 days until the election? This is the time when things are going to get nasty. I figure all we can do is ignore all the BS and make an educated decision on what we've learned so far. As I sit with my friends during a poker game (with a few drinks), I'm reminded of what's important and what can't be taken away from us. While the next president-elect can make our lives monitarily difficult, they can't take away our experiences, our lives, our families, our friends...

Basically, if this election doesn't go the way that you're hoping- don't give up. just remember what's important to you.

3rd Debate Summary -Kind Of...

I was a bit sleepy during the 3rd Presidential debate the other night, but let me give a summary in case anyone missed it. I've paraphrased most of the responses for easy reading.

Moderator: Question blah,blah blah? To Obama first-
Obama:Yadda, Yadda
McCain: I have the scars. I've done hat, been there. I have a history. He wants to tax you. Joe the plumber!
Obama: Someone get the old man a Q-tip. As I stated before, my plan is this...
McCain:Robin Hood wants to redistribute your wealth. He's gonna tax you! Joe the plumber...
Obama: Joe the plumber...get the man a hearing aid...my plan is this...

Moderator: Let's move on to the next question...
McCain: Terrorist!
Obama: Am not
McCain:Watch this guy, he's shifty. Who is he? Hangs with terrorists...
Obama: I'm not gonna have terrorists in the White House...
McCain: Feel scared yet, America? BOOGEY BOOGEY!
Obama: As I stated before...
McCain:Don't trust the terrorist, he's going to spend lots of Joe the plumber's money and then he's going to fine him for not giving his employees' medical insurance. Everyone should fear the scary liberal. The boogey man is coming...
Moderator: Next question...

McCain: FREEZE ALL SPENDING! Joe the plumber...
Obama: Joe the plumber needs a scalpel
McCain: I used to have a pen...a sharpie...I'll use it. The black guy wants to spend more...
Obama: This old guy is getting crabby, he needs a nap. Like I said before, under your program, Palin's special needs kid's program wouldn't have funding
McCain: Terrorist! Big Spender! Joe the plumber...
Obama" As I said before...
McCain:I'm not Bush. You should have run 4 years ago
Obama:If I'm a big spending liberal, you might as well be Bush

Moderator:Let's focus for another question- negative ads...
McCain: Hey, I'm trying to win and he's not making it easy. Besides, it's politics
Obama:You've been calling me names
McCain: Did not!
Obama: Did too!
McCain:You let them call me names and didn't apologize...and at least I defended you and said you weren't a Muslim...just a terrorist
Obama: I didn't say anything- why would I apologize?
McCain:Anyone know a good support group for name calling? Obama's gonna hurt Joe, Joe....Joe the plumber...
Obama:Can we pause so he can have a nap?


By the way, from BBC online (about "Joe"):
"However, a bit of media digging has uncovered that Mr Wurzelbacher's first name is actually Samuel and he does not have a plumber's licence, although the company he works for does.

According to Tony Herrera, of the Plumbers and Steamfitters Local 50 in Toledo, Ohio, Mr Wurzelbacher cannot practise in Toledo without a licence - although he can work for someone with a master's licence or in outlying areas that do not require a licence.

According to local court records, Mr Wurzelbacher also owes the state of Ohio $1,182.98 in personal income tax.

Mr Wurzelbacher acknowledged he did not have a plumber's licence and admitted in one interview he was "not even close" to earning $250,000."

McCain is 2 for 2. First he chooses Palin without meeting her, now Joe..err...Samuel...

Here's Your Bill

The National Debt Clock in NY has been taken down...because it needs more digits.

Who would have ever thought the country of apple pie, blue jeans and rock and roll would be borrowing money from China?

To really rub it in, the rise in oil prices has given Iraq a surplus of more than 6 million dollars. The cost of the Iraq War is now more than a trillion dollars. I've been hearing about this "surplus" for the past few months and I'm sure they are slowly using some of it on infrastructure issues and bribing more militia into compliance but I think it's time to pay the bill.

It time to write up an invoice or send them the bill for this occupation:

• Removal of dictator (regardless of false reasons for invasion) $300 billion
• Bribing militias to comply and help with the "surge" $100 billion
• Training of new security personnel and law enforcement $3 million
• Early "exit" penalty and handing over security to local government $100 billion

As an added incentive, we will ship "W" to you once we're done with him.

We will gladly accept payment in Visa, Mastercard or oil barrels...

By the way, it's time to start taking credits on the money we owe China since they refuse to pay over $100 billion owed to us. Someone needs to send Condoleeza out to recycle cans. Hey - every bit helps!

Who Would You Appoint To Government?

I have all these ideas running through my head so here goes -

I was watching the debate-less "debate" tonight and started wondering about who should lead what. Let me explain. Regardless of who leads, you are only as good as your team, right? This true in sports, business and government.

In the last 8 years, we have learned the hard way that hubris is the ultimate enemy and can cause a leader to believe that they are always right and require the counsel of no one. This recent hubris can only be compared to the old idea that a king was appointed by god.

Since we've learned the importance of counsel, I was interested in who would the candidates choose to build their ultimate team? Here are a few of my suggestions:

1. We can't forget Hilary. I'll admit, I was the first to hate this woman before, but she made a believer out of me. I'd think somewhere with health care would be appropriate but maybe Sec of State (Rice's position) would suit her even better. I could see her ironing out some of the foreign jams we've gotten ourselves into in the past 8 years and no one would argue with a woman in a pant suit!
2. Buffet for Treasury? Ok. We're on the right track. You know how the post office needs to be run like a business instead of a government office to get it running smoothly (who wants to wait in those lines)? Well, our Treasury Secretary needs to be a businessman. Put Bloomberg there. I guarantee we'll hate him for 4 years -but we'll be back in line. There's nothing like a businessman to put you back in the black.
   
3. Energy - Guys, you don't need and energy plan! Click here and take this one from T. Boone Pickens. It's in video format, so you non-readers don't have to sweat it. Just click and view. Put him in charge and let him roll with it. You can put him in charge of building the wind farms also.
   
4. Defense - This is tough. It's easy to feel warm and fuzzy at night if some military person is in control, but we'd need someone who's not trigger happy.

Please submit all suggestions to your candidates.

A Personal Moment

My Grandmother turned 97 on October 4th. It seems surreal that for almost a century she's walked on this earth and is still in good shape. Don't get me wrong - her pill case would make a college kid drool, but none of them are for major diseases and she goes out on "walkabouts" around the city on an almost daily basis. She's a sharp contrast to those old people in the rocking (or wheel) chairs that are always celebrated by Willard Scott on NBC.

We celebrated her birthday as we do every year. We tell her that just the immediate family is going out to dinner and when she agrees, we add a few friends and family to make her night special. As I sat there last night (the only person under 50), I just observed the conversation and wondered..."when"?

When did I become the family planner & organizer? I'm by no means the patriarch of this ragtag group of senior misfits, yet the uncle that stepped up to the plate is practically absent from our lives. My father - out of state. Somehow the responsibility has been passed down to me.

Don't get me wrong. These annual birthday dinners were my idea. I started them when she was 92. I figured what could you possibly want at 92 years old? You pretty much have everything or have decided you don't really need anything you don't have. I would assume at that age, human relationships are what matter. The connections you made during those 9+ decades are what stands in your mind the most - not the 46" TV you bought last year.

I guess I just somehow missed the "tag" to tell me I was "in". Somehow, in the course of life's events, power switched from the ruling class to me and I missed it. Now it's my turn to make sure all the 70+ year old "kids" ( my mother and grandmother) keep out of the street and get in the car. Somehow now I'm responsible for important date reminders and chauffeur service. Somehow it's now up to me to teach the use of remote controls, cell phones, features on air conditioners and how the satellite TV works. I have to pre-screen dinner options for things I know they don't like and it's me calling around 10 P.M. to make sure they arrived home safely from wherever their adventures led them today. It's also me yelling "why did I give you a cell phone if you're not going to use it" when it's late and I can't locate them.

I'm not complaining. This is life, and it chooses to run it's course regardless of how many comment cards I choose to send in.

I'm just saying that somehow, I missed the email...

An Open Post To The Presidential (and VP) Candidates

To the Presidential and Vice Presidential Candidates,

With a little over a month left until the November election, there are a few topics and issues that you have found "surprising" and that I find disturbing considering the job you are attempting to acquire. For future reference, let me point out a few points that those of us on "Main St." have not found surprising, but somehow you do:

1. Corporations left unwatched will consistently increase their profits while stepping all over the little guy
2. That poor guy that you claim won't want to pay for his state "sponsored" insurance because it will cost more than his employer's insurance NEVER HAD INSURANCE to begin with. He was never able to afford it.
   
3. Muslim states are really led by the head Imam, not the president. Talking to the president is like brokering a deal with Queen Elizabeth...
   
4. The world hates us. The days of "bring me some blue jeans from America" (in an eastern European voice) are over. We need a diplomat and a PR firm...
5. American kids are stupid. We are ranked like 20 out of 27 in education among industrial nations. We need to control the A.D.D. generation now before all is lost or you'll be reading about the decline of American society in a text message...
   

In addition, we would like to stop hearing the following on both sides:

1. Any Main St. Vs. Wall St. comparison
2. Any comments about either side not being patriotic
3. All guilt trips to vote for McCain because he was a POW and a war hero.
   
4. We get it! EVERYONE loves Israel. Move on...
5. The phrase "drill baby, drill."
   
6. The words "Maverick", "Surge", "Bail-out", and "'betcha"
7. The "lost babe in the woods" routine
8. Age comments - he's too old/young
9. Any animal references

Thank you.
The Voting Public

"...now put some more lipstick on that pig..."

24 Hours In Life

Twenty-four hours ago I was in the Atlantic Ocean on a cruise ship. For a little over a week, I suspended the monotonous activities of my life and accepted that it was time to let someone else pilot the proverbial (and actual) ship. I made no decisions beyond pool, food or which lounge to sit in. I had never been on a cruise before and was pleasantly surprised. Here were my observations:

• Shortly after everyone boards, we are all forced to do an emergency drill, grab your life jacket and go to your muster station. For those that have never seen this, it looks like a herd of tourists being herded and lined up on a side deck under a life boat. What you do learn (but they don't announce) is that the last few rows of people showing up would probably drown since they took way too long to arrive to the deck and I doubt the boat would wait. (You need to speed it up gramps!)
• During the drill, the crew is clearly focused on getting you to your station, but I wonder how they would control the loose cannons that would just run towards the railing and take their chance with a dive...
• I don't see what the rush is to plan excursions. How much of any place can you see in a day? The days at port are really supposed to be the vacationing equivalent of an amuse bouche. Just enough to wet your appetite and leave you craving more. The problem with this is that it's a tease. The mental equivalent of masturbation without release. There is no possible way to feel satisfied when you only have hours to immerse yourself in a culture. This is why you pay a guide a ridiculous fee to show you a sample of foreign "life." I say "life" because this usually revolved around sites that the guide gets paid to take you to (tourist shops), so the only culture you are actually seeing is capitalism.

Bottom line is this: The ship is the vacation. The ship is your salvation. The ship is the reason you are there. Face it - there is no possible way you can feel stressed while looking over your balcony at the open ocean with a setting sun in the background. Perspective is important in life and to be at a hotel at sea and not see life, work and relationships in a different light would be insane. It is during your days at sea that you are able to completely detach from the world.


Oh yeah, one more observation. Ladies -just because you have a larger canvas to put tattoos on doesn't mean you need to fill all 400+ pounds of it.

Congress Needs A Paycut

I read that during the Constitutional Convention, Benjamin Franklin suggested that congressional members not accept a payment for their service. Unfortunately other members were able to have a payment attached to service. It wasn't until 1815 that this per diem became a straight salary. I googled it today and found out that the average Congressional member gets paid $169,300 yearly. Many times, members of Congress have voted to not give themselves a raise. But therein lies the problem. Can you vote yourself a raise? What other job do you know where the only gauge for your job performance is being voted back in when your term is over and you can campain for the next term?

I know politics is a dirty game. Each party vetos the other, no reforms are passed and the only people that suffer are the people who employ the representatives. The reform we need is SALARY reform. Why are we still paying members of Congress that don't show up to work? Their salaries should be in our hands. Didn't accomplish anything in a year? 25% pay cut. Don't show up to work? You get limited sick days like the rest of us, then you need to apply for disability - just like the rest of us. Not doing your job in the people's eyes? You get a write up for lack of productivity. Hard economic times? Huge national deficit? Sorry, no increases for you until you balance the budget. We simply can't afford it.

The people should decide your pay, your benefits and your basic livelihood. Prove yourselves and be rewarded.

TOO MUCH Customer Sevice

I was at a bar the other night with some friends. It was the holiday weekend, most of us had been working a lot and it was a good time to relax and catch up on life. We chose a slow, often empty, local hole in the wall that we used to frequent when we were younger. While the place is nothing special anymore and the bartender couldn't mix a drink if her life depended on it, the location offers us seats, a good jukebox and isn't far from home.

The cost of this Utopia is an inexperienced bartender who doesn't know the difference between building rapport and butting in on conversation. I can only compare her to the old woman in the airplane seat next to you who keeps asking you a question every time you put your ear plugs in to watch the movie or hear music.

For example, there were 4 of us at the bar when we arrived. After a little banter, the bartender asked if anyone wanted to play doubles in pool. Doubles. Hmm. 4 of us, one of her. 2 sets of 2 plus 1. Let me get this straight - we came to talk and drink in your bar and you suggest one of us sits of the activity at the bar so you can play pool? Go do your damn job and come back when the glasses are empty!

I've been in other locations and seen similar behavior. The waiter at the restaurant that can't read the body language of the arguing couple and interrupts them mid argument. Maybe service employees should be trained in body language.

I don't want to discourage the waitress who sits at the table of guys while she takes your order and builds a great relationship with her customer. That waitress keeps my glass full and keeps checking in regularly, but not intrusively. She will get a large tip. She deserves it.

Drinks anyone?

Questions?

Huh?

Maybe it's the lack of sleep tonight, but what type of "comments or questions" could you possibly have about a GIANT PAPER CLIP? It's a PAPER CLIP!

1. Is is larger than most clips ("giant")
2. Does it clip paper?
3. Can you unfold it and use it to reset all your catchy gadgets with pin sized reset buttons?

SAVE YOUR PHONE CALLS.

Four Day Work Week? How About Three?

The week leading into Labor Day weekend is really busy for me at work. As a result, I end up working extra hours and sometimes extra days. After several days of 10 hour shifts, I am reminded of the propositions for a 4 day work week earlier in the year. The propositions were actually thought out because of high gas prices, but I wonder why we don't do this as a rule of thumb for basic sanity. We always complain about quality of life. What better way to improve quality of life than to give your employees a third day off during the week?

There are two ways to do this - most businesses work the 40 hour week in 4 days (longer shifts) while others just try to be more productive in the 4 days that they work.

A few online businesses have tried this and enjoyed better employee morale and productivity. Most note that business essentials (such as customer service) are still taken care of on the off day and someone is on call for emergencies.

In June, Wayne County in N.C. closed it's HR and social services offices as well as some other government jobs one day a week. This was meant to save on gas spending. While some workers enjoyed the change, others worried about completing tasks in 4 days and about having their schedules changed.

Aaron Newton writes a post giving 16 reasons why we should be on a 4 day work week. He covers both the 40 hour and a 30-32 hour week idea. While his post was based on gas savings, he makes a good point for improved workplace productivity and personal employee savings (childcare, gas, etc.).

Responses to Newton's post also remind us that the average American spends 2 hours a day surfing the web and calling friends at work. In my line of work, I can point out all the miscellaneous gossiping and chatting that goes on incessantly if I don't consistently walk the area to assure everyone is being productive. Apparently the next generation of laborers can surf the web, IM, text, listen to music and talk on the phone simultaneously but are unable to speak while performing tasks they are being paid to do. The minute the conversation starts, the hands stop moving. Go figure!

Personally, I would love the idea of a shorter week with less hours. 8-9 hours I could do. I think productivity would increase and we would have more time to spend with friends and families. I think people would be less stressed.

Think about it - are we built to work the way we do? 40+ hours a week after commuting to work in crowded conditions or sitting in traffic for 5 days, twice a day. It doesn't end there. Some of us are then "on call" for emergencies when the business is closed (even though we don't own the business) and many times receive calls regarding the business while at home or on the way home. In essence our time off is conditional. The cost of not answering the phone on one of these calls is cleaning up a huge mess on the day you return to work.

The cell phone and mobile internet have made us a 24 hour worker - although not as driven. Compared to the Japanese worker, but we're "at work" more than we're supposed to and are still less productive.

I know times were hard, but let's go back to the days of getting up in the morning, clubbing an animal to death for food and dragging it back to the cave for a home cooked meal.

Then let's spend the rest of the day figuring out what that shiny thing in the sky is...

Wal*mart: Profiting On Your Poverty

Nowadays, customers love one-stop shopping. Who has time to visit the grocery store, the electronics store, the department store and the shoe store with the kids? Why not just go to one spot?

Times are tough. Walmart knows this. To capitalize on your lack of funds and your need to have some sort of quality of life, they have started advertising that they sell juicy steaks (why go to the supermarket or butcher?). You can afford a barbecue this summer with steaks from Walmart.

Their new slogan "Save Money. Live Better" says it all. With the American economy in the state it is in and people scraping together pennies to pay for food on their tables, Walmart has decided to take advantage of the current economy and let the American public know that they are the place to save money.

Walmart's latest commercial does the math and shows mom the $300+ she will be saving by not ordering a fresh pizza from the local pizzeria and instead buying packaged pizzas from Walmart.

Some will say that this is a good thing for the average consumer. An immediate relief from monetary woes. If you look at the big picture, though, Walmart is still Walmart. This is the same company that encourages it's employees to go on welfare and medicare since they can't pay for their families' well-being. Even though they employ such a huge number of employees, they still have issues with promoting women and their special task force will close down a location if the work "unionize is even whispered.

Can some of the propaganda about Walmart be exaggerated? Sure. But you can't ignore that Walmart is a small business killer. There is no possible way that mom and pop can compete with the purchasing power of Walmart. Prices can only be cut so much and soccer moms won't pay more for customer service if they could instead use that money to pay for gas. Let's face it. If Walmart could get a deal on gasoline, they would probably sell that also.

We need to realize that there is a price to pay for short time fixes. You may save money now and get the selection and value that Walmart offers. In the long run, however, there is a price. When you get bored of Walmart's selection and look for an independent business to buy an item it won't be there. Tony's pizzeria, Bob the Butcher's Shop, Sam's Records and the local hardware will all be closed and no one will be willing to risk opening another small business as long as Walmart is around.

Be careful what you wish for...

DVD Bonus Features zzzzzzzzzzzzz

Bonus Features. Everyone loves 'em. There's no feeling like paying 30 bucks for a DVD and feeling it's justified because you also get 3 dvds of bonus features. I loved watching X-Men with the option to re-insert the deleted scenes and directors like Lucas have perfected the re-release with new options (original VHS version, THX version, Special Edition with deleted scenes, DVD version, DVD version with interviews, etc.).

I loved checking our the Criterion Collection Robocop and seeing what the alternate ending to Clerks was, but lately most DVDs have the lamest "bonus features" I've ever seen. The worst is when one of the discs is a soundtrack or the same movie on two discs (one regular and one widescreen). Lord of the Rings came with 4 discs - 1 and 2 were the extended film version (totaly worth the money). Disc 3 were documenteries covering the "adaptation" of the book to film and 2 maps of Middle Earth (just in case you're enough of a nerd to track the story) and disc 4 had 7 documentaries covering filming, special effects and a gallery of photos.

Snore.

How much miscellaneous crap do you need? Kevin Smith is the worst at this. Seeing some of his deleted scenes for his movies is great. Hearing hours of his long, drawn out, monotonous commentary in his own voice (if you can keep awake) definitely isn't worth the price of the dvd .

Every bit of useless footage is now kept for dvd release. Bloopers - funny. Unrated versions - awesome! A 20 minute sequence of miscellaneous camera shots showing the slow movement of a vehicle or someone walking -not necessary.

The truth is that there is a reason why scenes get cut. Sometimes it's 'cause they suck.

Volcano Erupts. Thousands Dead. News At Eleven.

I was reading the news online today. I really don't know why I bother. I see why the networks pump us with stories about Britney, Paris and Amy Winehouse. The news is bleak. The world is dark. The news is depressing. A few of today's international headlines:

• US HIV rate 'higher than thought'
• Parents forget child at airport
• Congo groups 're-arming' in east
• India temple stampede 'kills 140
• Afghan bomb brings wedding carnage
• 11 Climbers Reported Dead on K2

It makes you wonder why anyone would want to bring a child into this crazy, messed up world. On a daily basis, the news implies that the world is coming to an end, WWIII is on the verge of starting, an asteroid is on it's way and a terrorist is going to blow you up on your way to work.

In spite of everything being stacked against us, humans instinctive feel the need to reproduce and populate the earth regardless of the odds of survival. I guess this is why it is burned into our basic human core and biological clocks. To assure the survival of the species when most logical thoughts lead you in the opposite direction.

I can only image past generations have sensed the same sense of futility. Cavemen would have had dangers in their everyday lives:

• Tyrannosaurus Rex eats family of four
• Pterodactyl attacks local watering hole. Five missing.
• Flooding drowns caves south of lake
• Asteroid crashes in west. Smoke everywhere.
• Ice melting. Water rising. Mass exile imminent.

Yet here we are, years later pondering the same crap as our predecessors. Our only advantage is we have reality TV to help us mindlessly veg out and forget about the human condition and the world around us. Some of us won't even go as far as the world around us - those will stay in their local towns and neighborhoods.

There really isn't an end to this post. Just stuff I was thinking about...

Why Oh Why Didn't You Buy The Venti Skinny Hazelnut Latte?

Oh joy of joys! Starbucks has ordered 600 stores closed and 12,000 employees laid off. I'm really not a coffee drinker, but I used to think McDonald's were placed too close together until Starbucks came along. The NYC midtown area alone has tons of them at what seems like a block apart - which is probably why they're losing 6 of them. Coincidentally, on May 17, 2008 a Starbucks employee on 200 Madison Ave started the wheels rolling with the National Labor Relations Board to unionize his Starbucks shop of 13 employees. I wonder if Starbucks is taking a page out of the Walmart playbook and closing this store to avoid dealing with what would be their first union store.

Don't get me wrong. I don't wish any business ill and I certainly don't wish anyone would lose their job. Especially in this economy. But what did they think would happen when they placed these locations 2 blocks apart?

In Galesburg Illinois, at least 2 petitions are being circulated to stop the local Starbucks from closing. You can read the article by clicking on the blog title link, but the basic premise is that their small, local Starbucks hasn't gotten an opportunity to show that it can succeed and the local patrons want the opportunity to prove it can be successful and that the neighborhood is behind it's favorite business.

Anyone see anything wrong with this? This is America. We have a basic, consumer mentality. The way I see it, the community of "loyal patrons" had all the time from store opening until the closing announcement was made to "show" how much they loved their Starbucks. They wouldn't even have had to write a petition. All they had to do was BUY MORE OVER-PRICED COFFEE on a REGULAR basis. Not once a year or only when you pulled an all-nighter. If they had done this, no one would have thought of closing the location. Face it. The number$ don't lie and no company wants to lose money.

The idea that these "loyal" customers are outraged about this closing is pure ignorance. They basically want to buy a cup of coffee once in a while and sit in an air conditioned location for hours. They want the convenience of having the place available in case they choose to use it. Sorry buddy, but you're the reason the coffee costs so much in the first place. Who do you think is paying the electric bill for the time you spend in the location on ONE cup of coffee?
Starbucks is a business, not a park. You don't want to spend a lot of money? But a cup of "gourmet" coffee at the local McDonald's and go sit at a park bench or on the lawn at Central Park. Just make sure you recycle that cup so you can say you're "going green."

On yeah, by the way -just a heads up people, the next business being milked by your non-paying "loyal" asses is the local bookstore so don't be surprised when they close down too.

Sham What?

I'm taking 2 second out of this day to rant about two annoying infomercial spokespersons: Billy Mays and "Vince" the Shamwow guy.
Are these two not the most annoying people you're ever seen on TV? Billy Mays peddles all those obnoxious (but probably useful) orange cleaning products. I get that everyone needs to make a living and he has probably profited well from these ventures. I think his signature loud voice wouldn't be as annoying if I didn't constantly wake up in front of the television at 4am with his loud voice trying to sell me orange junk. Now he's even peddling medical insurance. This is the equivalent of buying a car from the ice cream man. It just doesn't work.

More annoying is "Vince" the guy from Shamwow. When I googled his name I actually found message boards dedicated to their distaste for this, how did they put it? Oh yeah - "douchebag". Everything about this guy is annoying. His commercial (click the blog title to see the commercial), his voice, his attitude and his look (what's up with the mic headset).

Doesn't this guy look like the weasel from the Foghorn Leghorn cartoons?

Even worse is his little comment about how you need to call in the next 20 minutes for their "special deal" because "we can't do this all day..."

Isn't that what you DO? Peddle your wares? Offer deals to get people to purchase? Aren't you a salesman?

I think we need to declare a year long moratorium on infomercials until someone has something better to sell. Let them sell them on QVC or HSN in the interim.

And someone needs to smack Vince (he seems more like a "Lenny" or "Skippy") in the back of the head...

Melancholy Politics And The Status Quo

This is one of the few times you'll see me write about politics.

Here's some info most my friends don't know: I'm a registered Republican. Years have gone by and I've never switched parties because I saw it as unimportant since who really cares what you registered as as long as you vote on election day. I have had forms sitting on my desk before elections (including now) and somehow never get around to mailing the changes in. Why did I register Republican? The world was different. I was different. I had listened to the rhetoric thrown at me by people who I trusted and since there was a war going on in Kuwait at the time, I wanted to make sure that my graduation year and beyond went by without the dreaded draft (yeah, at 18, you always have that "what if" idea in your head) and a swift military action was my idea of an answer.

I've been fortunate the past few years, but many have had it rough and I'm not sure they could go through four more years of the same. The economy is rough. Gas prices are ridiculously high. Food costs more. Whether we are or aren't in a recession, no one wants to admit it. Yesterday our President was asked when the economy would turn around and I heard our Commander in Chief respond "I'm not an economist." I was interested in the Democratic head to head between Obama and Clinton because for a moment I thought maybe things would be different, but after the winner was chosen, we turned back to politics as usual. Maybe there's a little less crap and smack being thrown around but it is still obvious that we've returned to the status quo. The latest election news I've seen is about the off-color comments Jesse Jackson made about Obama and I think I heard McCain received his new AARP card this week.

Who cares? Maybe THIS is the reason why a vast majority of Americans are apathetic to the electoral process. Maybe no one cares because in the end, it's all the same, the face in charge is just different. No one expects changes overnight, but people expect an attempt at change. At least try! This Democratic Congress gave up trying to change policy after being fought at every turn. It's YOUR JOB to FIGHT! The people you represent demand it! If you can't fulfill the duties of your office then step down. Even better - take a pay cut or work for free. At least then we'll know you really want the position and are up to the task.

What's wrong with hope? What's wrong with hoping that 2 or 3 years down the line the world has a better global view on us and our global impact. I don't want it to be any less safe, I just want people to look at my country and not think that all of us are cowboys.

I feel disillusioned. The excitement I felt for what was to be a historic election is no longer there. Will I still vote? Absolutely. I'll go through the motions because deep down I still hope the system can correct itself. I hope all those things I read in textbooks in high school are true and that the people will force the change, but I've seen the people's choice been ignored before.
I hope there is more to this election than what I see now. I hope.

There's that word again...

Quiet Your Kids Or We'll Kick Them Off The Plane!

This is going to sound insensitive to you parents. A family was not allowed to take a connection flight because their 4 kids were "unruly" during their first flight. Apparently the kids were allowed to run around on the plane -mom accommodated them when they got restless and allowed that to happen. Two of the kids were special needs (autistic and CP).

I'm glad they were bumped from their connection. It makes me want to fly Southwest knowing that their "customer service" was prioritized by the needs of the many. I kind of wish the kids had all been equipped with that stun bracelet that Homeland Security wants us to wear. THAT would have calmed them down in no time!

I understand that parents with kids have a challenging time. But it's theirs. They own it. I shouldn't be inconvenienced because you decided that a village of strangers should rear your child so they can enjoy time off. Especially after you chose to hop them up on McDonalds and sweets before the flight. I can guarantee the brats would be tired and low energy if all they had eaten before the flight was carrot and celery sticks instead of a happy meal! Besides, why wasn't the aunt traveling with them assisting in herding them?

Personally, I dread a flight cross country when I see a loud little kid on board an aircraft. Those of us that don't enjoy flying, don't particularly like surprises. But that's just me.

You're Going To Get Shocked!

Once upon a time, our country used to run on the idea of pure capitalism. Let's face it -we consume more useless crap than any nation in the world because we have more disposable income than any other nation. For those of you that want to argue this point, see if the teenage kids in Serbia or Ethiopia are paying 300 USD to get the new Jordan Collezione sneaker on its release date and then we'll talk. It used to be that you could easily win an election with any platitude about the robust economy and our purchasing power. Since 9/11 our country feels like it's been run by something else - fear.

It seems we spent the years after 9/11 living in a haze like a kid who just got a wedgie and can't believe it happened to him. Living in NY, less than 1/2 an hour from Ground Zero I fully understand. Its felt like we have a big target painted on our backs and everyone walks around in a semi-conscious state. To date, I have yet to visit the construction site. It's just not something I like to remember.

It seems every week during the first few years, we received constant terror alerts. Some nationwide, but most only in NY. While the rest of the US changed their alert status to orange, NY was always in red. Some will even argue that the previous election was won on because of how they portrayed fear (if you remove the Florida ballot factor).

The past year, we have been led with the fear that we're running out of gas, when in reality there is plenty of gas to go around. If we could get OPEC to flood the market or stop these morons who predict oil futures from talking to anyone with purchasing power. They are creating the problem by predicting the problem.

Now, it seems we will soon be focused back on terror in the skies. I just read an article on Gadling (http://www.gadling.com/2008/07/07/update-dept-of-homeland-security-weighs-forcing-passengers-to/) highlighting a stun bracelet that the Department of Homeland Security is considering making us wear for air travel. Check the link out and click the my blog title to see the sales video attached to this product. Half way into the video, they actually had me believing it was a good idea to wear a bracelet. I felt safe and warm and fuzzy inside...

WTF? The basic concept is this:

1. Check in at airport counter
2. Receive bracelet with personal info linked to checked in bags- no bording pass needed
3. Big brother may now watch all your movements through the airport.
   

Yes, TSA and Homeland Security will now know that you visit the rest room 4 times before actually boarding the plane. All under the disguise of safety.

I don't know how I feel about this. While I like the idea of knowing that there is added protection, I don't like the idea of little miss Susie sunshine stewardess...I mean flight attendant...controlling the actual activation. What if she (or he) gets the wrong person? What if I swapped seats? I doubt the attendants are going to check the terrorist's ID to make sure they activate the correct bracelet. Or what if they simply activate a bunch of them and stun half the plane to control the threat. Then we all simply become collateral damage.

Besides, 200+ bracelets emitting an electric charge on a plane? I'm not even allowed to use my cell phone in flight and you want to bring mini stun guns on board? Didn't a small electrical spark bring down one of those TWA planes back in the day? ONE spark. Imagine several interfering with the wiring of the aircraft.

Feeling safe yet?

Online Funerals: "Bobby From Texas Sends His Condolences..."

As of Tuesday, April 1, 2008, pay-per-view funerals went live online in the UK. I had read this article a few months ago, but I re-read the BBC article today and I had one thought: Brilliant!
Who wants to go to funerals anyway? The only reason anyone shows up is so the family members still around don't smack talk you when you pull a no show, right? By paying for a live internet feed, you can at least pretend that you wanted to attend, but it just wasn't possible because of work or because of lack of funds.

OK, I get it. Your dear uncle Louie from London passed on and there is no way you can make the trip with the price of airfare being what it is. Doesn't this take away from the connection (real or pretend) that you're supposed to have with the deceased's family? Soon they're going to read your IMs during the service and express your text condolences to the mourners. Maybe they'll read your text messages aloud during the funeral. Or maybe watch cousin Morty's funeral at livevblog.com. Or will you just sign up and log in to watch the funeral while you fool aroud with your 23 year old administrative assistant?

Year after year, the internet has made social connectivity a casualty of technology. It is now possible to "keep in touch" with people you haven't really spoken to in over a year, simply by forwarding an email to them periodically. At the same time, you can break up with girlfriends, quit your job and slowly detach from actual people just by sitting in your house. How many kids forgo the awkwardness of making physical friends and spend hours daily making friends in chat rooms and on You Tube? How many kids' only outlet to "friends" is a daily video blog about the sandwich they ate at school and what little miss popular wore to 5th period?

The internet has connected us across great distances. You may now have a friend across the country or across the globe. It has also succeeded in separating us from human contact with the people down the block or even next door.

In either the movie Judge Dredd or Demolition Man (thanks to my friend for the correction - all those movies were alike), there is a scene where the main character is informed that reproduction now occurs without human, physical contact. Makes you wonder how far away from that we are...

Oreos Are Chocolate

Maybe it's me...no...yeah, maybe...or maybe it's MY generation looking back. Let me just get to the point....

Oreos are chocolate. The cookies are chocolate and dark. The cream is white. If you wish, you can order it in mint (are those still around?) or double stuff (giggity), but the idea is chocolate cookies and cream inside. This latest farce that Nabisco is passing off as an Oreo is NOT, I repeat NOT, an Oreo. It is some warped version of one. Some sort of mutated sunshine cookie with cream inside. Honestly, after having tried this abomination, I consider some of the no frills 2 for $1 sunshine cookies from the local bodega (grocery store for you non-New Yorkers) of better quality.

Next on the hit list is this idea of being a street tough guy and going for a "spa day." Sorry guys, the two things don't go together. I was flipping through the TV and MTV had the best dance crews or some crap like that. First, Mario Lopez? MTV picked SLATER from Saved By The Bell to give this show street cred? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Wasn't he one of the hosts of The View or something? (Yeah, I know that's all women, and yet he still belongs. See how clever I am?) Second, how can this tough ass group come out to show their crew's moves (translation = choreographed dance) and then in the interview show that they're a tough crew ...who sometimes needs a spa day.

Do I really need to continue this rant? How about one more...

"Over-matching" your outfit. Let me give you an example. If you walk out wearing your new red Air Jordan Retro XXXXVVIIII Limited Editions and you matched you shirt, pants and hat to the exact color on the shoes (basically if you look like a big Crayola crayon) - you're over-matched. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I don't understand, youth today, it's the style, blah, blah, blah. You're supposed to match colors, not pick one and run with it. Unless you're a ninja - and I've never seen a ninja in red and white Nikes.

That's all I have to say.

Thirty 5

It was a rough week. My dad had a medical procedure this week, work has been annoying and there's this "moment". This was the moment I had been dreading for the past few weeks. It shouldn't be significant, but mentally the numbers gather significance as time passes. As of 1:25 A.M. June 16th, I turned 35. Ouch! Just thinking about it hurts. For those of you that don't know me, the birthday blues has been a problem of mine during socially significant years 18,21,31 and now 35. I guess at each stage I just take a deeper look in the mirror.

I sure somewhere there's a guy who just turned 35 and is looking back and hating his life. That's not me. Are there things I'd like to change, sure. The point of life is to continuously try to improve your situation -whether it's professionally or socially. On the weekend of my birthday I just feel happy, loved and yes, a bit drunk. :) I look at my dad who just turned 75 and has no friends and barely any family. Weird for someone who had 12 other siblings. He's spent a large part of his life distrusting everyone he's met and is always thinking someone is out to get him.

On my weekend, I spent time with my close friends and family, talked or emailed those who couldn't be around, laughed at funny cards (both email & paper -even musical), ate a home cooked meal and consumed more whiskey, rum and Mike's Hard Lemonade than is probably recommended at my age! Basically I enjoyed every minute of it.

I wish I could list what I've learned thus far and all that crap, but what's the point? We all have to learn the lessons for ourselves. I will say that you should enjoy every change that was for the better and spend time getting to know yourself. At 18, I was quick to rage. I could feel my blood boil. At 35, I hate to admit that I'm more emotional and sometimes even seem to wear my heart on my sleeve. I used to laugh at one of my friends because he would get emotional at the end of many movies. I mean like Monsters and Shrek. You know what, I've realized that if you're at the point in life where you can't feel, or get emotional over something stupid or just have a good ol' Tony Soprano moment when you scan the room appreciating all of your friends and family, then you've missed part of the point of this whole experience.

The best advice I can give is my favorite quote from Wulf Zendik:

"The Moment is your big chance-grab it-it will not come again. The moment is unique, unlike any that preceded, unlike any that follows. Revel in its pleasures and peer deeply into its pain-underst​and the why of pain-it is an effect. Its cause is a lethargy in Living. The lethargy of waiting-wait​ing a moment more deserving of attention. That is Life passing you by while you wait...Whate​ver you do-do it totally-
Do it Now..."​

- Wulf Zendik

Are You A Pet Person?

I always wondered about "pet" people. I never had a dog or a cat. My mother is actually terrified of animals of all sizes and this meant I was only able to have odds and ends pets while growing up. I've had fish - all of which eventually got flushed, parakeets, turtles, and a rabbit (which ended up legs up in his cage). This is probably the reason I laugh when people ask me if I don't want to have children soon. I figure if I can't keep a rabbit alive, I shouldn't try to move up to a more complex model.

Yesterday I saw a commercial for an insurance company - Progressive. In the ad they advertised "pet injury coverage" with their car insurance coverage.

WTF?

I'm sure some of you are googling the Progressive web site now and saying how great it will be to have your pet covered in your insurance. Especially after dressing up little "Muffy" and "Scooter" in their fashionable designer outfits. I know this is a huge market for retailers. Even Toys R Us now has a pet toy and dress aisle.

I wonder how much you end up paying for this coverage? Last time I checked, pets are considered "property" in a court of law. So I hate to break this to you, but here's the quote directly from the Progressive site:

"It may seem insensitive to consider the four-legged members of your family as property, but insurance policies designate bodily injury coverage for humans only. All other damages in an accident — including your pet's injuries — are considered property damage."

That's right all you pet people, you cat and dog are property. I know you thought your insurance company was going to pay for your pet's broken legs and post traumatic stress syndrome but you are wrong. So I hope you kept your receipt when you bought Marmaduke.

It sounds cold, I know. I like dogs, but I'm not sure I could live with one at this time in my life. I'm definitely sure I wouldn't dress him up in a raincoat for his walk. Cats - don't even get me started. If I want to be looked down on when I come home, I'll get married!

It's brilliant, though. Most Americans never read the fine print anyway. Few will check the regulations for this coverage. Thousands will sign up just based on the TV ad.

If ignorance is bliss, I guess it's a win/win situation.

My Shortest Post Ever

It cost me $42.49 to fill up my little Corolla gas tank.

#@%$ #*$@! Damn you OPEC!

That's all I have to say.

The Worldwide "Hostage" Situation

The world is being held hostage. Not by some Islamic or bible-thumping, evangelical fundamentalists or by rogue military generals planning a coup d'etat to overthrow our current leaders. The entire world is being held captive by a small amount of fortunate people who control the flow of petroleum to the world's population.

In America, the price of gasoline has more than doubled in the past year to more than $4 a gallon. I read than in Europe, the price is now the equivalent of $7 or so due to higher taxes imposed on gas. Truckers on both continents are protesting that their livelihoods are at risk if the government doesn't intervene. Meanwhile, OPEC is laughing all the way to their Swiss banks.

Let's look at a few facts:

1. FACT - Venezuela isn't going to help us out with more petroleum unless we kiss up and probably even stop embargoes on their buddy Cuba
2. FACT - I don't think the Iranians are going to help any Western country
3. FACT - I think the jig is up on stealing Iraq's oil. Everyone is on to us.
4. FACT - The US won't release any significant amount of our reserves. This is probably a good idea considering the fact that we've pissed off the entire world and may need this fuel for future military use to protect ourselves.

I don't get it. For decades, the general world population has been aware that the world's oil flow is controlled by a few oil countries and several oil barons clever enough to get in bed with them. When I was in school and first learned about the existence of OPEC, I could not comprehend how the entire world could just accept that a small number of people control the world's petroleum supply. I get the idea of supply and demand but what if...

What if the product wasn't oil? What if it was water? Or air? What then? Would we simply accept the minority controlling the water or air intake of the majority? Would we just sit there and pay $7 for the equivalent of a gallon of air and stand by as the price continued rising? Would we drink water a drop at a time because our weekly paycheck couldn't afford a proper week's supply?

Maybe I've seen too many science fiction movies in my youth, but I still don't understand how we simply accept being controlled by the greedy oil mongers. This can't be fixed in a day as it isn't a situation that happened overnight. This is decades of control that has simply been accepted like some petroleum version of Stockholm Syndrome. For too long we have just accepted the status quo when it came to gas. You know that quote that says "the greatest trick the devil ever pulled is convincing man that he didn't exist?" This is OPEC's greatest trick. Convincing us for decades that there is tons of oil and they will keep us in good supply for years to come. Then setting prices higher and higher while limiting the amount released to the world market.

Is it just that we, as a population, are mindless automatons and accept whatever is put in front of us? If we couldn't buy a pizza, would we simply accept bread and not complain?

Maybe acceptance isn't always such a good thing...

Prince Charming Is Dead

I finally watched Knocked Up last night and thought it was a good movie. My reasons are probably different than you think. I liked the movie because no one was perfect. The main character is an overgrown kid who is just living a simple life. The chick that gets pregnant is frequently a judgmental character and the married couple that is related to her is all messed up.

Basically, sorry kids - THERE IS NO HERO!

More and more we watch movies and read books with imperfect heroes. Remakes of classic goody-goody heroes like Superman give him flaws and the older Batman gets, the more we see of his darker side. I thought Tim Burton had shown us a dark side of Bruce Wayne until I saw Christian Bale take on the part. We are constantly reminded in every aspect of the media that priests molest, fathers rape, teachers screw their students & children beat other children to a pulp. Everything in society points out the frail, imperfect nature of humanity and the duality of the human persona. There seems to be nothing uncommon about little Johnny "popping a cap in your ass" and running home to feed his aging grandma.

If this is the case, then why is everyday Jane always looking for Prince Charming?

There is a fairy tale that's been told longer than any fable by Aesop. It's called the story of the "perfect man." Regardless of all the media coverage and movies and documentation on the subject, women still search for perfection. Sorry ladies, keep looking.

I think it's time to accept that every human being is flawed and in life you just need to decide how much crap you can take. There is nothing wrong with a guy being chivalrous, or opening doors and pulling out chairs for you at the dinner table. However, accept that the person you're dating is not a "fix me upper." They are simply who they are and that is that. There are days when you'll have the door opened for you, and other days when we may be preoccupied and forget. Being single, I gave up looking for "Ms. Perfect" a long time ago. I realized (and was constantly reminded by my hitched friends) that life and relationships are about compromise. While I accept this premise, I refuse to accept compromising on who you are as a person. I've seen lots of ads for single "independent women" only to continue reading and find that independent means nothing more than having a job. These women are still looking for Prince Charming and will marry the closest person as a "compromise" in spite of the fact that the relationship will end in divorce in less than five years.

Ladies- the Prince Charming of the new millennium works long hours at a job he sometimes loves but otherwise hates. If he's not spending time with you today, it's because this fast paced life we all lead has him in need of some simple, silly male activity (like poker or fantasy baseball) that reinforces camaraderie and gives him a few hours to escape from life. You need to not take it so personally because life simply "gets in the way."

A friend of mine said something to me a few weeks ago that stuck in my head. He had re-joined the dating world and found it disappointing. He remarked how easy it world be if everyone just "put all their relationship shit on the table" and let the cards fall where they may. At least then there wouldn't be any awkward issues coming up later in the relationship.

Simplistic? Maybe. The idea that the minutia of relationships can be ironed out by being perfectly honest sounds naive, I know. But I think it depends on where you are in your life. If you can't be honest with yourself and what angers, bothers or pleases you, how can you be honest with anyone else? There is no point in me staying in a relationship when you are more concerned with how I make you feel and what I do for you than with just getting to really know me.

But hey, what do I know. I'm single. All I know is there is no Prince Charming. There is no perfect woman. There is no hero. And by the way, there is no Santa Claus either.

:)

If It Ain't Broke...

So I was watching Survivor last night and there was a commercial for one of those drugs for women which advertise birth control PLUS fewer periods. This particular drug promised only 4 periods a year and only listed the following few side effects:

While you get 4 periods a year, you’re also more likely to have bleeding or spotting between periods. This can be slight to a flow like a regular period and should decrease over time. Like other birth control pills, SEASONIQUE^® has serious risks, which can be life threatening. They include blood clots, stroke, and heart attack. Smoking increases these risks, especially if you are over 35, so Pill users should not smoke.

Maybe...no...I AM biased because I don't have the discomfort of having a monthly visitor. However, is this the type of thing you really want to mess with? I don't know. Maybe it's different for women. Every guy I know would love an improvement to current birth control for men. But if you told me I might have spotting, increase my risk of heart or stroke or may have issues with blot clots I don't think I know many men who would take it. First, there's the fear in the back of your head that "what if?" What if after taking the drug I can't reverse it when I stop taking it? What if after taking if I can never have children? Hell, we aren't even the child bearers and these thoughts go through our heads. How do you, as a woman, get past this fear? What if something goes wrong? Is it worth the risk of being left barren?

I just know that from a guy's perspective, we love it when you take birth control into your hands because if we had to take a pill that made us only "flow" four times a year we would go nuts. That being said, things happen for a reason and nature has showed us time and time again that when we try to outsmart the body, nature outsmarts us. A perfect example would be the growing tolerance to antibiotics since doctors now prescribe antibiotics to patients for the common sniffle in order to receive their hefty check from the pharmaceutical companies.

Hey, if you're never going to have kids, hate people in general or just think the world is too populated, then good luck. Get back to me in 10 years and let me know if this worked out for you. For everyone else, well...maybe you should think about how your body will try to adapt after you suppress a natural bodily function for months and years on end. The body has an uncanny ability to evolve when it believes it needs to. What if your bodily "core" (for lack of a better word) thinks that something is wrong and tries to adapt - to evolve. Maybe you start growing eggs in your ears or something? Hey, you never know how the body will adapt when if feels threatened and one lifetime is certainly not enough to provide accurate info on any drug.

If you're on one of these drugs and it's working for you, good. But I know most men wouldn't try it because we don't want anyone messing with our "junk."

That's what I was thinking today.

*WARNING: The Following Is Cynical

I don't know, but I feel like the older I get, the more I'm disappointed by humanity. This should come as no surprise to those of you that know me. For example, I've often stated that the best way to resolve the centuries of fighting over the Holy Land is to nuke the area and take away the point of contention. That being stated, during my life I instinctively have tried to find the good in things and people -mostly to my disappointment.

At work I'm constantly trying to build a better team that gels together. Time and time again, however, I am disappointed by employees that lie to me, rip me off or break the rules. Not only do I feel as if a significant amount of my time was wasted when they end up getting fired, but I take personal offense to waste of the rapport that had to be built between me and the employee to run a smooth team. I was thinking of this today and I was trying to put things in perspective. If I'm disappointed about an employee, I can't even imaging the disappointment of a parent finding out that their flesh and blood child has been arrested, raped another person or even killed. I would imagine the disappointment would be heart wrenching.

It makes you wonder why. Why bring another body into this world just to be disappointed later? Yeah, I know, theres a chance that if you did the right thing during it's formative years, you'll be rewarded with a gem in your bloodline. In actuality, though, since they are their own person, it's more likely that they will eventually disappoint you. A lot more likely. Expecting anything different is like betting on the three legged horse at the derby and expecting to come in first.

I'm sure there are a lot of redeeming human qualities, but today my mood is probably closest to that of Mark Twain while writing The Mysterious Stranger.

Well, tomorrow's another day.

Child Abuse or Good Parenting?

I just watched a video on You Tube that got under my skin. It's a CNN news clip of a 7 year old boy in Florida who decided to take his grandmother's car out for a spin because he was pissed at his mother. If you watch the story, there's a part where the kid is asked by a cop if he should be punished and he says not seriously, "...like no video games for a whole weekend..."

{grumble}

I won't fault the grandmother. In today's society, it seems grandparents are often foster parents for children whose parents want to party into the wee hours of the night or act as if they don't have kids. The grandparents pick up the parenting slack. I want to make it clear that I don't know anything about this family or what their situation is. What I DO know is that the child obvious knows the punishment will be lax. There is a point in the video where the grandmother (who is now responsible for the mailboxes (federal offense) and cars that the little brat hit as well as the repairs to her own SUV) rightfully says "...if I thought they wouldn't take me to jail, I'd whip his behind right now!"

Bravo grandma!

I want to make it clear that I in no way support beating your child. I was probably only hit once or twice in my life and one of them I was old enough to stop the incoming slap and anger my mom even more. My mom believed more in depriving me of fun, TV, games etc. to get her point across and this method seems to have worked with me. I also want to state that I am not a parent. For all of you nodding your head and getting ready to type "that's why I don't understand" keep your comments private. Simply put, I don't think this discredits my opinion in any way. Besides, you need a license to fish, but any two morons can have a child. I have to wonder where the parenting was when this kid was younger. I would never think to do anything like this because I was taught at an early age that there are consequences for actions. The kid even says he wanted to do it because "...it's fun, it's fun to do bad things."

Exactly where do you draw the line between child abuse and parenting? If this kid had been taught the right lessons in life, OK. I see where the "time out" might be the right solution. But this little brat totaled grandma's car just to do something bad.

Insert grandma's slap here.

The state shouldn't punish her, they should commend her. I would just hope it wasn't too little, too late. Instead, they are choosing to file grand theft auto charges against the kid in the hopes of getting him "help."

Times are rough. Gas costs are high and many people are losing their houses. Bush's economic stimulus checks are instead being used to keep food on the table.

I think the tax payers would prefer grandma to take care of it...

(Click the article title to see the original video on You Tube)

Road Rage On A Page

I have friends that have been driving since before they were legally allowed to. In our society, it's a right of passage to adulthood - especially for teenage males. My dad always owned a license and renewed it regularly even though we never owned a car. When driver's ed became available to me in high school, I quickly jumped at the opportunity to learn this skill that my friends already knew. Instructors teach you the skills needed to drive the car and the rules of the road. So why are there so many people out there who don't know the basics to driving? I know there will always be bad drivers, but there are certain rules which I believe all drivers should comply with to be civil to each other and decrease the amount of road rage on the roads.

First, you need to use your turning signals. My ESP doesn't always work and I can't decipher that by pulling all the way to the right, you are actually planning a left turn or a U-turn. Even worse is the driver who slows down the driver behind him, makes him miss the light and then speeds through a red to make a turn.

If you can't pass a parked car you shouldn't be driving. I understand that sometimes morons stop in the center of the street, but if you pull as close to the car next to you on your side, you should have tons of space on the other side. Most roads are made to squeeze in one to two more cars side by side if need be (in case emergency vehicles and such need to get through). Use the space. Let's take it a step further. Yes, there are garbage trucks that stop in the middle of the road, but when you see the truck pull to the side and the driver tries to wave you past - GO! You have at least two feet on each side of your car and the twenty vehicles you've backed up behind you can ALL see this.

A yield sign only turns into a stop if another car is approaching and you cannot go. THEN you yield to the incoming traffic. Otherwise, DO NOT STOP. Slow down and go if no one is coming. There is a reason I am honking behind you. It's because I'm about to yield right past you since there is absolutely no traffic on the road.

Finally, save the drama and the stupid faces when everyone looks at you like you're a moron. You are. Accept that you're a substandard driver and move on. If it were up to me, there would be a follow up test a year after you get your license and if you can't pass a garbage truck or double parked car, or don't know how to yield, then we're taking the license back. The world is overpopulated and the roads are crowded. Getting you off the road is the best bet to keep traffic moving and decrease road rage by stopping someone from killing you.

I won't justify my comments with reasons or any sort of explanation. By definition, rage is visceral - so why bother. Besides, at least I'm not starting an argument on the road...

Is This The One On Sale?

I'm a bit of a famous quote collector. If you've ever received an email from me, you'll find some quote that usually describes my state of mind at the bottom. One of my favorite quotes is:

"The problem with America is stupidity. I'm not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself?"

I have it registered as anonymous, so I don't know who actually said it. I want to relate this to something that is an increasing problem in America. Consumer ignorance. This is a huge issue considering that according to Wikipedia, "...72% of the economic activity in the United States came from consumers." The problem lies in the unfamiliarity of the consumer.

A friend of mine always used to tell me that "common sense isn't common." Since then, I've adopted it like my mantre when I encounter some of these consumers. If i go shopping and see 20 different items on a fixture with a sale sign that looks too good to be true, my first instinct is to read the sign and compare it to the item. In supermarkets, I check the description of the item and match the ounces of the container with the item on sale. The labels on the fixture aren't for the associates! They could care less what the item costs and usually know anyway. The labels and signs are for the customer to know the price and what a value it is. Same with a box. You may find this hard to believe, but that box with the pretty picture and words usually tells you 90% of what the store associate is going to tell you when you ask them. So WHY doesn't anyone read the box or sign first?

I know. I sound bitter. Maybe it's because of my retail background. I understand business and get that the customer is always right as much as I understand that these customers keep you in business. But why doesn't anyone read the sign? I'd like to do a psychological experiment and see what results are revealed. Maybe it's because we (as a society) are always in a rush or maybe it's because we're part of the "ADD generation" and can't be bothered with anything that captures our attention for more than 10 seconds. I think maybe we're just easily distracted. I was always taught to think out what you're going to say before you say it. Maybe that's the problem.

I like what I do. On any given day I enjoy my job. I meet a lot of great people and personalities. I just always wonder about people when I get someone yelling "that's false advertising" at me.

No, it's not...

Mr. T. Would Pity The Fool

I was out with some friends last night and came to a realization: EVERY PERSON SPORTING A "FAUXHAWK" SHOULD BE TAXED for lack of ANY personal originality.

For those of you that don't know what one is, (as I didn't last night) here is the definition from Wikipedia:

The fauxhawk (or faux-hawk) hairstyle is an approximation of a mohawk, made without shaving or buzzing the hair on the sides of the head, allowing an imitation of the look of a true mohawk without having to commit to removing most of one's hair. Here is a pic from cropshop.com

They should also add that wearing one is a public indicator that you lack any sense of personal style or originality. Does everyone think they look like David Beckham? I don't think so. If you look back, the mohawk has evolved from Native American tribes to the famed punk tall, spike mohawk and then the Mr. T. look. This variation proves that we have lost any of our creativity. Anyone wearing one is a spineless amoeba. The point of sporting one (from punk times to now) had been to send a symbolic middle finger to the world and display your rebellion against society. What statement does the current fauxhawk variation make? None. Just on precedent, why would you want to wear a hairstyle worn by every other person in the same location as you? Whether it is a bar, restaurant or store, this hairstyle serves as a visual "moron indicator" for the rest of society. To me, it looks like the head of a messed up cockatoo - but maybe that's just me.

Don't get me wrong. I get it. You want to be stylish and trendy. You want to look good and woo the women that you encounter. I am not unsympathetic. That being said, "you never get a second chance to make a first impression" (to quote a famous commercial) and if you are sporting a fauxhawk your first impression is "I'm a mindless automaton that just copies what everyone else is doing. Dude - you're not even CUTTING YOUR HAIR OFF. You're just pretending to. Poser! You missed the entire point of the exercise.

Remember when your mom asked you if you would jump off a bridge if everyone else was doing it? These people would be looking for the end of the line so they could stand in it.

I think I've said all I have to say on this matter.