Random Thanksgiving Thoughts

As I prepare to have my first Thanksgiving Turducken at a friend's house, I read a post from one of my elementary school friends that made me pause. Due to his rank in the military, today he has the unfortunate job of accompanying the chaplain and informing a family that their husband/father/son won't be coming home. Today of all days. This day's memory will stay with those people for the rest of their Thanksgivings.

Part of me is pleased that someone who takes the job seriously in given such a task. I remember my friend as a stand up guy and his service record confirms it. I am also happy that the notification isn't the other way around and someone is notifying my friend's family. As far as the other family goes, maybe the way to look at it is that hopefully there will be many family members at the widow's house (due to the holiday) and this group of family and friends will help them get through this difficult time - together.

On a different note, I was curious all week as to how effective the "opt-out" protest against the TSA's new scanning machines (link here) would be. Slate actually posted a decent article on their website about the lack of logic behind it. See, there are two facts that the organizers of this "protest" (I use the word loosely) forgot.

First, as Americans , we have the attention span of goldfish. If someone isn't reminding us every 30 seconds of something, we mentally move on to out lattes, social networking and electronic gadgets. We have a hard time committing to anything. Especially things that may inconvenience us. Which brings me to the second point...

As Americans we really dislike anything that causes us delay or inconvenience. If you've traveled overseas to smaller countries, you know that our need for instant service or satisfaction is frowned upon. In Caribbean countries they even tell you about "Caribbean time" to prepare you to wait a bit and relax. We don't do well considering our fast paced lives. So to think that travelers who are on a weekend off and on their way to visit family for the holiday would chance their flight being delayed or be the cause of a longer line because of this protest seemed silly to me. People just want to board the plane and safely land at their destination. Their thoughts are with the people they are going to visit and the meal they are going to enjoy. Protests are left for another day.

I hope you all have a Happy Thanksgiving!

Books & Life

I just finished reading a book a friend practically forced me to buy. I was at Barnes and Nobles looking for something that caught my eye and my friend grabbed a small book and handed it to me.

"This is such a good book" she said. "It'll change your life. I even told another of our friends to read it and she loved it too."

The book was rather small and had a peculiar name - Tuesdays With Morrie.

I bought the book along with a fiction thriller and promised I would read it and tell her what I thought.

This week has involved a lot of work and more than a little internal searching. For a long time I have told friends that I make sure I give my mom, dad and grandmother the same gift on every occasion. The one thing they can't buy and haven't accumulated enough of -time. In the case of my family, time with me.

I have always appreciated whenever I am able to get family together for a dinner out or friends together for a trip or a night together. Sometimes, though, it seems as if I am the only one who realizes the importance of these moments. The importance of sharing experiences and stories with those that matter in your life. The reciprocal give and take of relationships and the appreciation for someone who spends their most precious gift with you - time.

A long time ago I realized that you can't force anyone to love you and you can't force anyone to appreciate you. All you can do is be who you are, give what you can and not feel resentment when actions aren't reciprocated. Forgiveness is also important. These lessons and more were mentioned in this small book (less than 200 pages). I guess this was a comforting thought since the older I get, the more I seek the answers that this book attempted to provide.

Perhaps it hit closer to home since I am the same age as the author when he wrote the book. Either way, today I hope to appreciate the small things a bit more...

Life Happens

"Such is the passage of time
Too fast to fold
And suddenly swallowed by signs
Low and behold" - Eddie Vedder, Rise

As my birth date quickly approaches I usually get into a funk and become the type of person that my friends can't stand to be around. I was thinking about life's little lessons today and received an email addressed to several of my old classmates. In the email we were informed that a woman from my grammar school had passed away last week. Oddly enough, it seems like she passed in her sleep the day after her birthday.

I hate to say it but this struck me as odd (even though I'd swear I read somewhere that it is fairly common). The mind quickly forms dozens of conspiracy theories over whether or not it was self induced, or if she was ill, or if it was sudden or random. In the end, the truth is none of it matters. Someone a year younger than me is no longer with us.

When you add her up with four guys gone from my graduating grammar school class and who knows how many from high school then the number of fallen rises more. I can only imagine what my 97 year old grandmother feels as those she has co-existed with pass on.

I don't want to give the illusion that I was at any time in my life close to this woman. I knew her and we were always socially polite when we interacted. Her family was friends with a close childhood friend of mine so I was especially polite because of their relationship, but really had no personal relationship with her. Even when she requested I friend her on facebook I wondered why...

The reality of it is many of us will probably never know the circumstances surrounding her death - and maybe they don't really matter. At the end of the day what has struck me at this hour of the morning is that someone younger than I has passed and the realization of how quickly time has passed. The late John Lennon wrote that "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans." This never seemed so true to me as it does this year.

I expect I'll have more to jot down about how I grew another year (physically as well as mentally and emotionally). But for now, I prepare myself for happy days with friends ahead and a continued good time to come.

Mazel tov!

Advice From Those Older Than You?

It's been a rough couple of months. Without giving myself a sympathy party, I haven't felt the best physically or mentally in the last few months and having sick family close to you makes the mental part even more taxing.

That being said (I hate that phrase), I live a good life. Some would say a blessed life. I still have both my parents and a 97+ year old grandmother, a job, and a group of friends that have my back.

I bring this up because I was unintentionally given a verbal slap on the head to bring me back into perspective. I walked into an old friend from my block yesterday. He is only a few years younger than me, but always seemed like a younger kid on the block and always seemed to be being mentored by someone around my age. A few years ago, I found out his mom had passed away. Later, that he got married, had a kid and still came to visit his old dad periodically. Still seemed like a good kid.

Yesterday as I went to enter my house, I saw him and as we went through the usual "how have you been, how's the family " and other pleasantries, I saw an odd look on his face and got the feeling there was something he wanted to say. Suddenly it all came out...almost with a sob, yet he held back.

He had been fine, "considering"...wait, had he seen me since... did I know that his dad and wife had both died?

I was stunned. What do you say to that? I expressed my condolences and checked on the health of his son(?) while I eased into asking him what had happened. Apparently his father had passed away of septic shock and his wife had had an anurism. Both passed away within a year of each other. As I searched for the words to say, I saw his face. He had the look. The look of someone looking for guidance, for a word or two of wisdom from someone older that they have known since childhood.

I had none to give.

What do you tell someone younger than you who has literally lost his whole family? What consolation can you possibly offer? It put my recent issues in perspective.

As he walked away, I felt I was looking for as many words of wisdom as he was - he just needed them now.

Today I attended the funeral of an aunt. Work has been busy so I wasn't able to attend the wake and was only able to attend the funeral. As I sat in the church pew listening to the priest and going through the motions of the ritual I had been taught since I was a child, I was filled with a feeling of great loss. I remembered that in high school I had a teacher who told that we felt loss when we faced death for our own selfish reasons. The person who passes feels no pain, it is we who feel a sense of loss because we don't have them available to us anymore. It is we who are reminded of our own delicate nature.

As I fought the emotional effects of the music and memories, I also thought of my uncle. The man who was my confirmation sponsor. The man who was at my high school graduation when my father was not. The man who looked like his life had just been ripped from him. His health has been lacking in recent years and now I wondered if he felt he had to go on - or had the reason for him putting up such a strong fight when he was sick just passed away.

At these times I also think of my own spirituality. After 12+ years of private schooling and a mother who spent most of her free time volunteering in the local parish, I only consider myself agnostic. I try to live a good life and I believe in karma. To be honest with you, there have also been certain situations in my life (a car accident for one) where, when I look back, I don't know how I survived unless someone was looking out for me.

In The Watchmen, Dr. Manhattan states that "A live body and a dead body contain the same number of particles. Structurally there's no discernible difference." We can sit here all day and debate the "it's all gobbledy-gook" theory versus "you just gotta believe" and not come any closer to the truth. At the end of the day it's about you, who you touched and what connections you've made.

Today I grieve for a good woman who was not only good to me and mine, but clearly did well by her soul mate.