Today I attended the funeral of an aunt. Work has been busy so I wasn't able to attend the wake and was only able to attend the funeral. As I sat in the church pew listening to the priest and going through the motions of the ritual I had been taught since I was a child, I was filled with a feeling of great loss. I remembered that in high school I had a teacher who told that we felt loss when we faced death for our own selfish reasons. The person who passes feels no pain, it is we who feel a sense of loss because we don't have them available to us anymore. It is we who are reminded of our own delicate nature.

As I fought the emotional effects of the music and memories, I also thought of my uncle. The man who was my confirmation sponsor. The man who was at my high school graduation when my father was not. The man who looked like his life had just been ripped from him. His health has been lacking in recent years and now I wondered if he felt he had to go on - or had the reason for him putting up such a strong fight when he was sick just passed away.

At these times I also think of my own spirituality. After 12+ years of private schooling and a mother who spent most of her free time volunteering in the local parish, I only consider myself agnostic. I try to live a good life and I believe in karma. To be honest with you, there have also been certain situations in my life (a car accident for one) where, when I look back, I don't know how I survived unless someone was looking out for me.

In The Watchmen, Dr. Manhattan states that "A live body and a dead body contain the same number of particles. Structurally there's no discernible difference." We can sit here all day and debate the "it's all gobbledy-gook" theory versus "you just gotta believe" and not come any closer to the truth. At the end of the day it's about you, who you touched and what connections you've made.

Today I grieve for a good woman who was not only good to me and mine, but clearly did well by her soul mate.