Tuesday, September 23, 2008

24 Hours In Life

Twenty-four hours ago I was in the Atlantic Ocean on a cruise ship. For a little over a week, I suspended the monotonous activities of my life and accepted that it was time to let someone else pilot the proverbial (and actual) ship. I made no decisions beyond pool, food or which lounge to sit in. I had never been on a cruise before and was pleasantly surprised. Here were my observations:

  • Shortly after everyone boards, we are all forced to do an emergency drill, grab your life jacket and go to your muster station. For those that have never seen this, it looks like a herd of tourists being herded and lined up on a side deck under a life boat. What you do learn (but they don't announce) is that the last few rows of people showing up would probably drown since they took way too long to arrive to the deck and I doubt the boat would wait. (You need to speed it up gramps!)
  • During the drill, the crew is clearly focused on getting you to your station, but I wonder how they would control the loose cannons that would just run towards the railing and take their chance with a dive...
  • I don't see what the rush is to plan excursions. How much of any place can you see in a day? The days at port are really supposed to be the vacationing equivalent of an amuse bouche. Just enough to wet your appetite and leave you craving more. The problem with this is that it's a tease. The mental equivalent of masturbation without release. There is no possible way to feel satisfied when you only have hours to immerse yourself in a culture. This is why you pay a guide a ridiculous fee to show you a sample of foreign "life." I say "life" because this usually revolved around sites that the guide gets paid to take you to (tourist shops), so the only culture you are actually seeing is capitalism.
Bottom line is this: The ship is the vacation. The ship is your salvation. The ship is the reason you are there. Face it - there is no possible way you can feel stressed while looking over your balcony at the open ocean with a setting sun in the background. Perspective is important in life and to be at a hotel at sea and not see life, work and relationships in a different light would be insane. It is during your days at sea that you are able to completely detach from the world.


Oh yeah, one more observation. Ladies -just because you have a larger canvas to put tattoos on doesn't mean you need to fill all 400+ pounds of it.

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