Living With Dad: Part Deux

My dad continues to consistently surprise me with little "dad-isms." The relationship hasn't changed much except that he is constantly trying to feed me as if I needed any more food in my overextended stomach. Last week, I was closing a Ziploc bag and unconsciously closed it in parts (squeeze the strips together in 3 steps - first part, second, etc). I should have known what was coming next because I saw him make an odd facial expression and aim in in my direction.

"You know, you actually close the bag by joining one end and sliding it closed across to the other end."

"Dad, I know how to close the bag. It's sealed, right?"

He has also decided to rebel against any adult that seems to tell him what to do. It took me weeks to get him to agree to a medical plan. Today, he doesn't like his doctor. He wants a new guy. Apparently the doctor's office sent him to take the same exam twice. A careless mistake. But the minute you realize that it is the same exam you already took, wouldn't you say something? He is usually opinionated about EVERYTHING but he one time he needed to speak up he chose silence so he could come home and be a martyr. Then he pouted like a 5 year old when I told him he should have spoken up and that it was his own fault.

Dad has also upgraded his "watching people through the window" skills with a new "scare the crap out of his son when he gets home" skill.

I will usually get home and the start changing clothes to get comfortable. Dad will wait until I think I'm alone and pop out of nowhere with a loud "HI, HOW WAS WORK" while simultaneously scaring the crap out me as he pops out of another room like the old, fat Batman in The Dark Night Returns.

The best part has to be his child-like enjoyment of WWE wrestling. He loves it. Watches it every chance he gets. One little problem - he thinks that it is real.

No, really - he does.

I once tried explaining the "heel" and "hero" thing, how many "characters" go back and forth and other stuff I had read about Vince McMahon (who is a pretty smart marketing genius). The conversation quickly turned into how this character was not friends with that one and so on. I explained that these guys work out together and they help train the newbies...blah, blah, blah. I may as well have spoken Chinese because I was instead told that he hates all the dramatic parts and that they should just wrestle...then went on to a 10 minute story about how one wrestler married this girl and so on.

What can I do? He's over 70 - there's nothing I can force him understand anymore. I'll just let him enjoy this fantasy.

Let's get ready to rumble....