Online Funerals: "Bobby From Texas Sends His Condolences..."

As of Tuesday, April 1, 2008, pay-per-view funerals went live online in the UK. I had read this article a few months ago, but I re-read the BBC article today and I had one thought: Brilliant!
Who wants to go to funerals anyway? The only reason anyone shows up is so the family members still around don't smack talk you when you pull a no show, right? By paying for a live internet feed, you can at least pretend that you wanted to attend, but it just wasn't possible because of work or because of lack of funds.

OK, I get it. Your dear uncle Louie from London passed on and there is no way you can make the trip with the price of airfare being what it is. Doesn't this take away from the connection (real or pretend) that you're supposed to have with the deceased's family? Soon they're going to read your IMs during the service and express your text condolences to the mourners. Maybe they'll read your text messages aloud during the funeral. Or maybe watch cousin Morty's funeral at livevblog.com. Or will you just sign up and log in to watch the funeral while you fool aroud with your 23 year old administrative assistant?

Year after year, the internet has made social connectivity a casualty of technology. It is now possible to "keep in touch" with people you haven't really spoken to in over a year, simply by forwarding an email to them periodically. At the same time, you can break up with girlfriends, quit your job and slowly detach from actual people just by sitting in your house. How many kids forgo the awkwardness of making physical friends and spend hours daily making friends in chat rooms and on You Tube? How many kids' only outlet to "friends" is a daily video blog about the sandwich they ate at school and what little miss popular wore to 5th period?

The internet has connected us across great distances. You may now have a friend across the country or across the globe. It has also succeeded in separating us from human contact with the people down the block or even next door.

In either the movie Judge Dredd or Demolition Man (thanks to my friend for the correction - all those movies were alike), there is a scene where the main character is informed that reproduction now occurs without human, physical contact. Makes you wonder how far away from that we are...

Oreos Are Chocolate

Maybe it's me...no...yeah, maybe...or maybe it's MY generation looking back. Let me just get to the point....

Oreos are chocolate. The cookies are chocolate and dark. The cream is white. If you wish, you can order it in mint (are those still around?) or double stuff (giggity), but the idea is chocolate cookies and cream inside. This latest farce that Nabisco is passing off as an Oreo is NOT, I repeat NOT, an Oreo. It is some warped version of one. Some sort of mutated sunshine cookie with cream inside. Honestly, after having tried this abomination, I consider some of the no frills 2 for $1 sunshine cookies from the local bodega (grocery store for you non-New Yorkers) of better quality.

Next on the hit list is this idea of being a street tough guy and going for a "spa day." Sorry guys, the two things don't go together. I was flipping through the TV and MTV had the best dance crews or some crap like that. First, Mario Lopez? MTV picked SLATER from Saved By The Bell to give this show street cred? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Wasn't he one of the hosts of The View or something? (Yeah, I know that's all women, and yet he still belongs. See how clever I am?) Second, how can this tough ass group come out to show their crew's moves (translation = choreographed dance) and then in the interview show that they're a tough crew ...who sometimes needs a spa day.

Do I really need to continue this rant? How about one more...

"Over-matching" your outfit. Let me give you an example. If you walk out wearing your new red Air Jordan Retro XXXXVVIIII Limited Editions and you matched you shirt, pants and hat to the exact color on the shoes (basically if you look like a big Crayola crayon) - you're over-matched. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I don't understand, youth today, it's the style, blah, blah, blah. You're supposed to match colors, not pick one and run with it. Unless you're a ninja - and I've never seen a ninja in red and white Nikes.

That's all I have to say.

Thirty 5

It was a rough week. My dad had a medical procedure this week, work has been annoying and there's this "moment". This was the moment I had been dreading for the past few weeks. It shouldn't be significant, but mentally the numbers gather significance as time passes. As of 1:25 A.M. June 16th, I turned 35. Ouch! Just thinking about it hurts. For those of you that don't know me, the birthday blues has been a problem of mine during socially significant years 18,21,31 and now 35. I guess at each stage I just take a deeper look in the mirror.

I sure somewhere there's a guy who just turned 35 and is looking back and hating his life. That's not me. Are there things I'd like to change, sure. The point of life is to continuously try to improve your situation -whether it's professionally or socially. On the weekend of my birthday I just feel happy, loved and yes, a bit drunk. :) I look at my dad who just turned 75 and has no friends and barely any family. Weird for someone who had 12 other siblings. He's spent a large part of his life distrusting everyone he's met and is always thinking someone is out to get him.

On my weekend, I spent time with my close friends and family, talked or emailed those who couldn't be around, laughed at funny cards (both email & paper -even musical), ate a home cooked meal and consumed more whiskey, rum and Mike's Hard Lemonade than is probably recommended at my age! Basically I enjoyed every minute of it.

I wish I could list what I've learned thus far and all that crap, but what's the point? We all have to learn the lessons for ourselves. I will say that you should enjoy every change that was for the better and spend time getting to know yourself. At 18, I was quick to rage. I could feel my blood boil. At 35, I hate to admit that I'm more emotional and sometimes even seem to wear my heart on my sleeve. I used to laugh at one of my friends because he would get emotional at the end of many movies. I mean like Monsters and Shrek. You know what, I've realized that if you're at the point in life where you can't feel, or get emotional over something stupid or just have a good ol' Tony Soprano moment when you scan the room appreciating all of your friends and family, then you've missed part of the point of this whole experience.

The best advice I can give is my favorite quote from Wulf Zendik:

"The Moment is your big chance-grab it-it will not come again. The moment is unique, unlike any that preceded, unlike any that follows. Revel in its pleasures and peer deeply into its pain-underst​and the why of pain-it is an effect. Its cause is a lethargy in Living. The lethargy of waiting-wait​ing a moment more deserving of attention. That is Life passing you by while you wait...Whate​ver you do-do it totally-
Do it Now..."​

- Wulf Zendik

Are You A Pet Person?

I always wondered about "pet" people. I never had a dog or a cat. My mother is actually terrified of animals of all sizes and this meant I was only able to have odds and ends pets while growing up. I've had fish - all of which eventually got flushed, parakeets, turtles, and a rabbit (which ended up legs up in his cage). This is probably the reason I laugh when people ask me if I don't want to have children soon. I figure if I can't keep a rabbit alive, I shouldn't try to move up to a more complex model.

Yesterday I saw a commercial for an insurance company - Progressive. In the ad they advertised "pet injury coverage" with their car insurance coverage.

WTF?

I'm sure some of you are googling the Progressive web site now and saying how great it will be to have your pet covered in your insurance. Especially after dressing up little "Muffy" and "Scooter" in their fashionable designer outfits. I know this is a huge market for retailers. Even Toys R Us now has a pet toy and dress aisle.

I wonder how much you end up paying for this coverage? Last time I checked, pets are considered "property" in a court of law. So I hate to break this to you, but here's the quote directly from the Progressive site:

"It may seem insensitive to consider the four-legged members of your family as property, but insurance policies designate bodily injury coverage for humans only. All other damages in an accident — including your pet's injuries — are considered property damage."

That's right all you pet people, you cat and dog are property. I know you thought your insurance company was going to pay for your pet's broken legs and post traumatic stress syndrome but you are wrong. So I hope you kept your receipt when you bought Marmaduke.

It sounds cold, I know. I like dogs, but I'm not sure I could live with one at this time in my life. I'm definitely sure I wouldn't dress him up in a raincoat for his walk. Cats - don't even get me started. If I want to be looked down on when I come home, I'll get married!

It's brilliant, though. Most Americans never read the fine print anyway. Few will check the regulations for this coverage. Thousands will sign up just based on the TV ad.

If ignorance is bliss, I guess it's a win/win situation.

My Shortest Post Ever

It cost me $42.49 to fill up my little Corolla gas tank.

#@%$ #*$@! Damn you OPEC!

That's all I have to say.

The Worldwide "Hostage" Situation

The world is being held hostage. Not by some Islamic or bible-thumping, evangelical fundamentalists or by rogue military generals planning a coup d'etat to overthrow our current leaders. The entire world is being held captive by a small amount of fortunate people who control the flow of petroleum to the world's population.

In America, the price of gasoline has more than doubled in the past year to more than $4 a gallon. I read than in Europe, the price is now the equivalent of $7 or so due to higher taxes imposed on gas. Truckers on both continents are protesting that their livelihoods are at risk if the government doesn't intervene. Meanwhile, OPEC is laughing all the way to their Swiss banks.

Let's look at a few facts:

1. FACT - Venezuela isn't going to help us out with more petroleum unless we kiss up and probably even stop embargoes on their buddy Cuba
2. FACT - I don't think the Iranians are going to help any Western country
3. FACT - I think the jig is up on stealing Iraq's oil. Everyone is on to us.
4. FACT - The US won't release any significant amount of our reserves. This is probably a good idea considering the fact that we've pissed off the entire world and may need this fuel for future military use to protect ourselves.

I don't get it. For decades, the general world population has been aware that the world's oil flow is controlled by a few oil countries and several oil barons clever enough to get in bed with them. When I was in school and first learned about the existence of OPEC, I could not comprehend how the entire world could just accept that a small number of people control the world's petroleum supply. I get the idea of supply and demand but what if...

What if the product wasn't oil? What if it was water? Or air? What then? Would we simply accept the minority controlling the water or air intake of the majority? Would we just sit there and pay $7 for the equivalent of a gallon of air and stand by as the price continued rising? Would we drink water a drop at a time because our weekly paycheck couldn't afford a proper week's supply?

Maybe I've seen too many science fiction movies in my youth, but I still don't understand how we simply accept being controlled by the greedy oil mongers. This can't be fixed in a day as it isn't a situation that happened overnight. This is decades of control that has simply been accepted like some petroleum version of Stockholm Syndrome. For too long we have just accepted the status quo when it came to gas. You know that quote that says "the greatest trick the devil ever pulled is convincing man that he didn't exist?" This is OPEC's greatest trick. Convincing us for decades that there is tons of oil and they will keep us in good supply for years to come. Then setting prices higher and higher while limiting the amount released to the world market.

Is it just that we, as a population, are mindless automatons and accept whatever is put in front of us? If we couldn't buy a pizza, would we simply accept bread and not complain?

Maybe acceptance isn't always such a good thing...

Prince Charming Is Dead

I finally watched Knocked Up last night and thought it was a good movie. My reasons are probably different than you think. I liked the movie because no one was perfect. The main character is an overgrown kid who is just living a simple life. The chick that gets pregnant is frequently a judgmental character and the married couple that is related to her is all messed up.

Basically, sorry kids - THERE IS NO HERO!

More and more we watch movies and read books with imperfect heroes. Remakes of classic goody-goody heroes like Superman give him flaws and the older Batman gets, the more we see of his darker side. I thought Tim Burton had shown us a dark side of Bruce Wayne until I saw Christian Bale take on the part. We are constantly reminded in every aspect of the media that priests molest, fathers rape, teachers screw their students & children beat other children to a pulp. Everything in society points out the frail, imperfect nature of humanity and the duality of the human persona. There seems to be nothing uncommon about little Johnny "popping a cap in your ass" and running home to feed his aging grandma.

If this is the case, then why is everyday Jane always looking for Prince Charming?

There is a fairy tale that's been told longer than any fable by Aesop. It's called the story of the "perfect man." Regardless of all the media coverage and movies and documentation on the subject, women still search for perfection. Sorry ladies, keep looking.

I think it's time to accept that every human being is flawed and in life you just need to decide how much crap you can take. There is nothing wrong with a guy being chivalrous, or opening doors and pulling out chairs for you at the dinner table. However, accept that the person you're dating is not a "fix me upper." They are simply who they are and that is that. There are days when you'll have the door opened for you, and other days when we may be preoccupied and forget. Being single, I gave up looking for "Ms. Perfect" a long time ago. I realized (and was constantly reminded by my hitched friends) that life and relationships are about compromise. While I accept this premise, I refuse to accept compromising on who you are as a person. I've seen lots of ads for single "independent women" only to continue reading and find that independent means nothing more than having a job. These women are still looking for Prince Charming and will marry the closest person as a "compromise" in spite of the fact that the relationship will end in divorce in less than five years.

Ladies- the Prince Charming of the new millennium works long hours at a job he sometimes loves but otherwise hates. If he's not spending time with you today, it's because this fast paced life we all lead has him in need of some simple, silly male activity (like poker or fantasy baseball) that reinforces camaraderie and gives him a few hours to escape from life. You need to not take it so personally because life simply "gets in the way."

A friend of mine said something to me a few weeks ago that stuck in my head. He had re-joined the dating world and found it disappointing. He remarked how easy it world be if everyone just "put all their relationship shit on the table" and let the cards fall where they may. At least then there wouldn't be any awkward issues coming up later in the relationship.

Simplistic? Maybe. The idea that the minutia of relationships can be ironed out by being perfectly honest sounds naive, I know. But I think it depends on where you are in your life. If you can't be honest with yourself and what angers, bothers or pleases you, how can you be honest with anyone else? There is no point in me staying in a relationship when you are more concerned with how I make you feel and what I do for you than with just getting to really know me.

But hey, what do I know. I'm single. All I know is there is no Prince Charming. There is no perfect woman. There is no hero. And by the way, there is no Santa Claus either.

:)

If It Ain't Broke...

So I was watching Survivor last night and there was a commercial for one of those drugs for women which advertise birth control PLUS fewer periods. This particular drug promised only 4 periods a year and only listed the following few side effects:

While you get 4 periods a year, you’re also more likely to have bleeding or spotting between periods. This can be slight to a flow like a regular period and should decrease over time. Like other birth control pills, SEASONIQUE^® has serious risks, which can be life threatening. They include blood clots, stroke, and heart attack. Smoking increases these risks, especially if you are over 35, so Pill users should not smoke.

Maybe...no...I AM biased because I don't have the discomfort of having a monthly visitor. However, is this the type of thing you really want to mess with? I don't know. Maybe it's different for women. Every guy I know would love an improvement to current birth control for men. But if you told me I might have spotting, increase my risk of heart or stroke or may have issues with blot clots I don't think I know many men who would take it. First, there's the fear in the back of your head that "what if?" What if after taking the drug I can't reverse it when I stop taking it? What if after taking if I can never have children? Hell, we aren't even the child bearers and these thoughts go through our heads. How do you, as a woman, get past this fear? What if something goes wrong? Is it worth the risk of being left barren?

I just know that from a guy's perspective, we love it when you take birth control into your hands because if we had to take a pill that made us only "flow" four times a year we would go nuts. That being said, things happen for a reason and nature has showed us time and time again that when we try to outsmart the body, nature outsmarts us. A perfect example would be the growing tolerance to antibiotics since doctors now prescribe antibiotics to patients for the common sniffle in order to receive their hefty check from the pharmaceutical companies.

Hey, if you're never going to have kids, hate people in general or just think the world is too populated, then good luck. Get back to me in 10 years and let me know if this worked out for you. For everyone else, well...maybe you should think about how your body will try to adapt after you suppress a natural bodily function for months and years on end. The body has an uncanny ability to evolve when it believes it needs to. What if your bodily "core" (for lack of a better word) thinks that something is wrong and tries to adapt - to evolve. Maybe you start growing eggs in your ears or something? Hey, you never know how the body will adapt when if feels threatened and one lifetime is certainly not enough to provide accurate info on any drug.

If you're on one of these drugs and it's working for you, good. But I know most men wouldn't try it because we don't want anyone messing with our "junk."

That's what I was thinking today.

*WARNING: The Following Is Cynical

I don't know, but I feel like the older I get, the more I'm disappointed by humanity. This should come as no surprise to those of you that know me. For example, I've often stated that the best way to resolve the centuries of fighting over the Holy Land is to nuke the area and take away the point of contention. That being stated, during my life I instinctively have tried to find the good in things and people -mostly to my disappointment.

At work I'm constantly trying to build a better team that gels together. Time and time again, however, I am disappointed by employees that lie to me, rip me off or break the rules. Not only do I feel as if a significant amount of my time was wasted when they end up getting fired, but I take personal offense to waste of the rapport that had to be built between me and the employee to run a smooth team. I was thinking of this today and I was trying to put things in perspective. If I'm disappointed about an employee, I can't even imaging the disappointment of a parent finding out that their flesh and blood child has been arrested, raped another person or even killed. I would imagine the disappointment would be heart wrenching.

It makes you wonder why. Why bring another body into this world just to be disappointed later? Yeah, I know, theres a chance that if you did the right thing during it's formative years, you'll be rewarded with a gem in your bloodline. In actuality, though, since they are their own person, it's more likely that they will eventually disappoint you. A lot more likely. Expecting anything different is like betting on the three legged horse at the derby and expecting to come in first.

I'm sure there are a lot of redeeming human qualities, but today my mood is probably closest to that of Mark Twain while writing The Mysterious Stranger.

Well, tomorrow's another day.

Child Abuse or Good Parenting?

I just watched a video on You Tube that got under my skin. It's a CNN news clip of a 7 year old boy in Florida who decided to take his grandmother's car out for a spin because he was pissed at his mother. If you watch the story, there's a part where the kid is asked by a cop if he should be punished and he says not seriously, "...like no video games for a whole weekend..."

{grumble}

I won't fault the grandmother. In today's society, it seems grandparents are often foster parents for children whose parents want to party into the wee hours of the night or act as if they don't have kids. The grandparents pick up the parenting slack. I want to make it clear that I don't know anything about this family or what their situation is. What I DO know is that the child obvious knows the punishment will be lax. There is a point in the video where the grandmother (who is now responsible for the mailboxes (federal offense) and cars that the little brat hit as well as the repairs to her own SUV) rightfully says "...if I thought they wouldn't take me to jail, I'd whip his behind right now!"

Bravo grandma!

I want to make it clear that I in no way support beating your child. I was probably only hit once or twice in my life and one of them I was old enough to stop the incoming slap and anger my mom even more. My mom believed more in depriving me of fun, TV, games etc. to get her point across and this method seems to have worked with me. I also want to state that I am not a parent. For all of you nodding your head and getting ready to type "that's why I don't understand" keep your comments private. Simply put, I don't think this discredits my opinion in any way. Besides, you need a license to fish, but any two morons can have a child. I have to wonder where the parenting was when this kid was younger. I would never think to do anything like this because I was taught at an early age that there are consequences for actions. The kid even says he wanted to do it because "...it's fun, it's fun to do bad things."

Exactly where do you draw the line between child abuse and parenting? If this kid had been taught the right lessons in life, OK. I see where the "time out" might be the right solution. But this little brat totaled grandma's car just to do something bad.

Insert grandma's slap here.

The state shouldn't punish her, they should commend her. I would just hope it wasn't too little, too late. Instead, they are choosing to file grand theft auto charges against the kid in the hopes of getting him "help."

Times are rough. Gas costs are high and many people are losing their houses. Bush's economic stimulus checks are instead being used to keep food on the table.

I think the tax payers would prefer grandma to take care of it...

(Click the article title to see the original video on You Tube)

Road Rage On A Page

I have friends that have been driving since before they were legally allowed to. In our society, it's a right of passage to adulthood - especially for teenage males. My dad always owned a license and renewed it regularly even though we never owned a car. When driver's ed became available to me in high school, I quickly jumped at the opportunity to learn this skill that my friends already knew. Instructors teach you the skills needed to drive the car and the rules of the road. So why are there so many people out there who don't know the basics to driving? I know there will always be bad drivers, but there are certain rules which I believe all drivers should comply with to be civil to each other and decrease the amount of road rage on the roads.

First, you need to use your turning signals. My ESP doesn't always work and I can't decipher that by pulling all the way to the right, you are actually planning a left turn or a U-turn. Even worse is the driver who slows down the driver behind him, makes him miss the light and then speeds through a red to make a turn.

If you can't pass a parked car you shouldn't be driving. I understand that sometimes morons stop in the center of the street, but if you pull as close to the car next to you on your side, you should have tons of space on the other side. Most roads are made to squeeze in one to two more cars side by side if need be (in case emergency vehicles and such need to get through). Use the space. Let's take it a step further. Yes, there are garbage trucks that stop in the middle of the road, but when you see the truck pull to the side and the driver tries to wave you past - GO! You have at least two feet on each side of your car and the twenty vehicles you've backed up behind you can ALL see this.

A yield sign only turns into a stop if another car is approaching and you cannot go. THEN you yield to the incoming traffic. Otherwise, DO NOT STOP. Slow down and go if no one is coming. There is a reason I am honking behind you. It's because I'm about to yield right past you since there is absolutely no traffic on the road.

Finally, save the drama and the stupid faces when everyone looks at you like you're a moron. You are. Accept that you're a substandard driver and move on. If it were up to me, there would be a follow up test a year after you get your license and if you can't pass a garbage truck or double parked car, or don't know how to yield, then we're taking the license back. The world is overpopulated and the roads are crowded. Getting you off the road is the best bet to keep traffic moving and decrease road rage by stopping someone from killing you.

I won't justify my comments with reasons or any sort of explanation. By definition, rage is visceral - so why bother. Besides, at least I'm not starting an argument on the road...

Is This The One On Sale?

I'm a bit of a famous quote collector. If you've ever received an email from me, you'll find some quote that usually describes my state of mind at the bottom. One of my favorite quotes is:

"The problem with America is stupidity. I'm not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself?"

I have it registered as anonymous, so I don't know who actually said it. I want to relate this to something that is an increasing problem in America. Consumer ignorance. This is a huge issue considering that according to Wikipedia, "...72% of the economic activity in the United States came from consumers." The problem lies in the unfamiliarity of the consumer.

A friend of mine always used to tell me that "common sense isn't common." Since then, I've adopted it like my mantre when I encounter some of these consumers. If i go shopping and see 20 different items on a fixture with a sale sign that looks too good to be true, my first instinct is to read the sign and compare it to the item. In supermarkets, I check the description of the item and match the ounces of the container with the item on sale. The labels on the fixture aren't for the associates! They could care less what the item costs and usually know anyway. The labels and signs are for the customer to know the price and what a value it is. Same with a box. You may find this hard to believe, but that box with the pretty picture and words usually tells you 90% of what the store associate is going to tell you when you ask them. So WHY doesn't anyone read the box or sign first?

I know. I sound bitter. Maybe it's because of my retail background. I understand business and get that the customer is always right as much as I understand that these customers keep you in business. But why doesn't anyone read the sign? I'd like to do a psychological experiment and see what results are revealed. Maybe it's because we (as a society) are always in a rush or maybe it's because we're part of the "ADD generation" and can't be bothered with anything that captures our attention for more than 10 seconds. I think maybe we're just easily distracted. I was always taught to think out what you're going to say before you say it. Maybe that's the problem.

I like what I do. On any given day I enjoy my job. I meet a lot of great people and personalities. I just always wonder about people when I get someone yelling "that's false advertising" at me.

No, it's not...

Mr. T. Would Pity The Fool

I was out with some friends last night and came to a realization: EVERY PERSON SPORTING A "FAUXHAWK" SHOULD BE TAXED for lack of ANY personal originality.

For those of you that don't know what one is, (as I didn't last night) here is the definition from Wikipedia:

The fauxhawk (or faux-hawk) hairstyle is an approximation of a mohawk, made without shaving or buzzing the hair on the sides of the head, allowing an imitation of the look of a true mohawk without having to commit to removing most of one's hair. Here is a pic from cropshop.com

They should also add that wearing one is a public indicator that you lack any sense of personal style or originality. Does everyone think they look like David Beckham? I don't think so. If you look back, the mohawk has evolved from Native American tribes to the famed punk tall, spike mohawk and then the Mr. T. look. This variation proves that we have lost any of our creativity. Anyone wearing one is a spineless amoeba. The point of sporting one (from punk times to now) had been to send a symbolic middle finger to the world and display your rebellion against society. What statement does the current fauxhawk variation make? None. Just on precedent, why would you want to wear a hairstyle worn by every other person in the same location as you? Whether it is a bar, restaurant or store, this hairstyle serves as a visual "moron indicator" for the rest of society. To me, it looks like the head of a messed up cockatoo - but maybe that's just me.

Don't get me wrong. I get it. You want to be stylish and trendy. You want to look good and woo the women that you encounter. I am not unsympathetic. That being said, "you never get a second chance to make a first impression" (to quote a famous commercial) and if you are sporting a fauxhawk your first impression is "I'm a mindless automaton that just copies what everyone else is doing. Dude - you're not even CUTTING YOUR HAIR OFF. You're just pretending to. Poser! You missed the entire point of the exercise.

Remember when your mom asked you if you would jump off a bridge if everyone else was doing it? These people would be looking for the end of the line so they could stand in it.

I think I've said all I have to say on this matter.

10 Media Things I'm Embarrassed To Admit That I Like

Since I started with a Top 5 list during the previous post, I've decided to include one more "list inspired" post. As I was watching TV tonight and grinding my teeth while thinking about my crappy day at work, I caught something that I felt stupid for liking. That led to this post. So, without further ado, here are the Top 10 media things I am embarrassed to admit I like:

1. Reality TV - No matter what I do, I always catch myself watching it. One time when I was sick, I think I caught myself watching a BRAVO marathon. YEEACH!
   
2. Mac vs. PC commercials - I can't tell you why. I own a PC. I just bought another PC when my old one died on me. The commercials are lame, predictable and not even funny any more, yet I find myself staring at the television as if we had landed on Mars and it was being broadcast.
3. Since we're on the topic of commercials - That "freeeeeeee credit, report dot com..." commercial with the guys singing a catchy jingle while in pirate suits or driving a hoopty.
4. Stupid, potty-humor, "youth get into trouble" movies like "American Pie, National Lampoons, Harold & Kumar, Superbad, Porky's", etc. If they include gratuitous nudity like the older movies, it gets a pre-teen two thumbs up from me! They just make me laugh.
5. BBC America - I must have been a Briton in my former life. From BBC News to Coupling to That Mitchel & Webb and Little Briton, I seem to be obsessed with it. I think I watched too many episodes of Whose Line Is It Anyway when cable 1st became available to me...
6. Viral Videos - I spend way too much time looking at stuff on You Tube, Break and other video sites.
7. Documentaries and/or movies about third world countries. I don't know why. Maybe because I've never been there.
8. The Tabloids - It seems every time I go to the deli to get a sandwich, someone has moved the date of The Apocalypse back a few months...
9. Anything with Asian Chicks...no comment...
10. Un-PC Correct 80s movies - The Jerk, Coming To America, Soul Man, Porky's, Revenge of the Nerds, etc (you get the point). There is something funny about making fun of our differences and I don't see anything wrong with it in this context. You couldn't film movies like this today without having a protest in front of the studio.

Well, that's my 10. Feel free to post yours...

Tave

What Music Makes You Feel?

It's been a crazy week at work. One of those weeks where it seems like your head is going to explode if you don' t spend a moment to decompress. I was thinking of how I decompress when I'm not going for a drive or vegging out in front of the TV and came to the topic of music. I am not talented in any possible way when it comes to music, but put a good song on and I'll shout the lyrics out to the top of my lungs. My friend Betty kept mentioning that she'd like to have some sort of music appreciation night where people can check out each other's music. That gave me this idea. Here's my challenge to you -what are 5-10 songs that come to mind for memorable lyrics or music? It can be powerful lyrics, the music or the way the lyrics are sung. Maybe they make you think, or smile or even tear. What do you play on the MP3 player when you are feeling down or when you want to celebrate? What about when you're feeling angry? List the artist,song and the lyric (if there is a specific one).

Here are the choices off the top of my head:

1. Nine Inch Nails- Head Like A Hole -"...bow down before the one you serve, you're going to get what you deserve..."[duh! when I'm angry]
2. Peter Gabriel- I have to note that I can put in ANY classic Gabriel song when I'm feeling in any mood and relate. While the classics are the best (Solsbury Hill, In Your Eyes, Don't Give Up, etc.), something more obscure comes to mind. - Love To Be Loved-"... and in this moment, I need to be needed. With this darkness all around me, I like to be liked. In this emptiness and fear, I want to be wanted. "Cause I love to be loved, I love to be loved..." If it sounds intriguing, Google the lyrics and download the MP3.
3. NIN (again)- Hurt-"I hurt myself today, to see if I still feel...."
   
4. Goo Goo Dolls -Iris - "...you bleed just to know you're alive..."
   
5. Meatloaf -Paradise By The Dashboard Light -"...so now I'm praying for the end of time so I can end my time with you..."
   

Here are 5 I like for the feel of the music or the powerful vocals or instrumental:

1. Clint Mansell- The Theme from Requiem From A Dream (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e2Ma4BvMUwU&feature=related)
2. Billy Joel- Prelude/The Angry Young Man
3. Lisa Gerrard - Now We Are Free -The Theme From Gladiator (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XS9REY1H0pY) Proof that you don't have to understand a language to get the meaning of the song.
4. Queen - Freddie singing " Who Wants To Live Forever"
5. A Tie---Whitesnake (...yeah, I know)-Sailing Ships AND Van Halen (Sammy)-Walkin' In

OK, I'm not overly proud of my list, but I could be here for hours to pick the absolute best songs and never be done. These came to mind. Good music, good times. There's nothing better than jukebox night at the bar with friends.

Feel free to post your mood songs. Off the top of your head. No login name needed to sign in, just make sure you type your name in the box so I know who you are.

See you at the jukebox.

China, You Make Us Look Good!

At a time in history when the average 15 - 30 year old has ADD and can't focus on any news story lasting longer than the 30 second sound bite, I want to thank China on behalf of all Americans. China, you make us look good!

Let's face it, even though we have been waging a war in Iraq (and Afghanistan) for over 5 years, the American public has gotten bored of the constant news coverage of the war and the ever rising body count. Even when our president is replaced in the upcoming November election, reality is that we won't see significant troop reductions overnight. Every night, Americans are given updates on the "surge" in Iraq. These "surge" status reports are supposed to give us that warm and fuzzy feeling in our stomach so we can feel like the country is safe and all is right with the world. For months, the news has orbited around the "surge" and presidential candidates. That's it. Nothing else.

Enter China.

Since the Olympic torch arrived in Beijing in April, there has been tons of controversy. The world hates that the capitalist, controlling American pig has entered the Arab world, but it really LOVES and underdog fighting for independence. Who is right in the Tibet conflict can be debated for hours. Some say China began their occupation of Tibet in 1950 and the first conflict was 1959 when American arms were shipped to Tibet to help resist the Chinese. Others say Tibet has been part of China for over 700 years and even Buddhism migrated to Tibet from China proper. Either way, one thing is certain: the Western world loves the David and Goliath story of Tibet vs. China so much that the war in Iraq has become the equivalent of what Britney ate for breakfast.

Ironically, the 2008 Olympic Torch Relay is called the "Journey of Harmony." It won't end until 8-08-08, yet in recent weeks, has been the source of many protests and controversy and anything but harmonious. Already there is talk of people from athletes to politicians boycotting the Olympic Games because of China's treatment of Tibet and it's numerous civil rights violations. In Paris, a protester even tried to rip the torch out of a runner's hand during the relay. The news the other night had a sound bite that stated "torch under protection." I understand the symbolism involved here, but I didn't know the torch required a secret service detail.

It's a torch people, not a person! Yes, it symbolizes the Olympics, harmony, coming together, blah, blah, blah, zzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Who even watched the last Olympic Games? The only time I caught any of it was in the hours between 2 and 5 am when I was trying to go to sleep. Maybe part of the hype is the media and NBC hyping it up for profits. Besides, what's the point of building a shiny new stadium and putting on a show if no one watches? The best thing that ever happened to pageants was that dumb blond from SC answering that map question with such a dumb answer last year (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lj3iNxZ8Dww). I'm sure the Miss USA pageant picked up some viewers who wanted to know what dumb pageant girls would do next. NBC needs to build an audience for their Olympic coverage where an audience hasn't existed in quite some time. The last important Olympic competitions I remember were in the 80s. I haven't seen commercials for some of the movies opening this month, yet NBC is already posting "8-08-08 Olympics on NBC" tags at the bottom of some of their show credits.

What was the point of this? Oh yeah. Surge bad. Elections good. China bully. Free Tibet. Screw this torch nonsense.

Oh yeah, and as far as helping our public image:
Thank You China.

Your Life Is On My Space

The internet is a great tool. It allows people like me to express the countless thoughts flying through my head in an open forum that may (or may not) be read by unknown readers. It allows us to communicate with others miles away in different states and countries without having to make a phone call. It allows us to get to know people who we would otherwise not meet in our lifetimes. That being said, I wanted to discuss the idea of My Space.

I live in NY. When the media found out that our governor was paying $4000+ a pop for hooker sessions, they naturally wanted to know more about the special woman,. Did they hire a detective like in countless movies or pay for an extensive background check of the woman? Nope! They checked her My Space page and posted it on the evening news.

Yep. The average person has decided (in their infinite wisdom) to post their entire lives on a public page that can be seen worldwide. Stalkers must love being able to view new pictures on their victims and find out what happened today from their blogs (or video logs). More recently, there were reports of kids beating up other kids because of comments posted about each other on My Space.

I have always been amazed at how quickly people at work offer their My Space names to new employees walking through the door. "Hi, I'm Bob, I don't even know if I like you, but you can get to know what a jerk I am if you check out my My Space page!" Why would you do this? Maybe it's a sign of age or just a different way of thinking, but I don't want everyone knowing my personal business. I have several reasons for trying to live a simple, (relatively) honest life, but here are my top 5 reason for not having a My Space page:

1. People instinctively judge you based on the people you associate with. Do you want others to see the dozens of mooks (dictionary.com people) who decided to add you as a friend even though you just met them? What does that say about you?
2. Keeping track of lies is difficult. I have trouble remembering what I did yesterday, let alone who I told a lie to...
3. In the time of identity theft, why would you want ANYONE to know where you work, went to school, relationship status and even (I saw a few of these today) your address and cell phone number?
4. I would hate to be associated with anyone who types things with alternating caps (i.e. "i'M sOoOo kOoL, ArEn'T i????"). This is a personal pet peeve of mine.
5. Everyone is doing it.

Let's be real. Since the internet, we barely talk to each other. Conversations are relegated to texts and emails. We have opted out of significant one on one human connections and instead have chosen multiple electronic connections with people we barely know, only know online or really don't even want to know but are keeping around like a candles in case of a power outage. With all it's advantages and benefits, the internet has actually made us more distant from each other while connecting us socially across larger physical distances. The average person may now know hundreds of people and not know any of them personally since My Space allows only the illusion of familiarity. I may know your favorite artist, pictures of your family, fiancee and who your friends are, but not know if you are trustworthy, charismatic or have any sort of integrity. I won't learn anything about your ethics, or morality but I know you like shopping at Old Navy and work at the supermarket.

Something just seems wrong with that, doesn't it?

I Was Lied To As A Child...

When I was younger, I remember reading books and seeing movies that stated that by the year 2000, we'd be flying in George Jetson cars and robots would be living among us. Trips to the moon and other planets for vacation were to be common and were even going to colonize another world. Pictures of future clothing showed streamlined, plastic looking one piece suits. Movies like a "A Clockwork Orange" showed us a dark future with milk bars and futuristic cars. "Blade Runner" showed us genetically engineered "replicants" that humans would use on other planets and other movies taught us that we would have machines that made any meal we wanted for us. Money would be unnecessary since all purchases would be made in "credits." Your personal credit number would be obtained either from a chip type of card you carried on you or extracted by scanning the barcode and/or chip that had been implanted into every citizen.

Whoa! We are so far off. What happened? How could I have been so deceived?

Some of the technology is there. We have robots, they just cost a fortune. EZ Passes and Speed Passes allow us to pay for items with a wave of our chip encoded key chains at the gas station. Pets are "chipped" with a GPS device so we can find them if they wander. We may not have replicants, but artificial intelligence technology has advanced greatly and scientists have been cloning animals for years. The military has been using hover crafts for years, but we've never evolved to anti-gravity cars or skateboards.

As I watched a documentary about our planned trips to the moon and Mars in the next twenty years, I thought about all the other advances we had been promised and had not been granted. I guess the funding never happened or the general public lost it's romance with futuristic cars once it received portable phones that fit in their pockets without a battery the size of a brick. Has the internet, the ability to download movies and music, cell phones and having so much information at your immediate disposal made us focus on immediate gratification and made us forget the goals we used to dream about as a civilization?

Is there a new dream or have we just replaced it with a egocentric lifestyle and thrown the common goal out the window? Maybe it's just difficult for the average person to dream about living on Mars when our country is at war on several fronts, the economy is in turmoil, people are trying to keep their houses and our children are still scoring below average on school subjects when compared to several other countries. Besides, when you are living paycheck to paycheck, how can you even think of voting for politicians that want to fund space projects that will cost billions of dollars and have a direct impact on the life of you and your loved ones?

I don't know the answer, but I do think that we need to learn how to dream again.

Anyway, that's what I was thinking...

Over 21 & Under 70

I have a simple routine to psych myself up for a day of work. Once I get in the car, I look for a a good song and it usually puts me in a good mood for a day of work. I tend to do the same thing on the way home to decompress from a rough day. Today I got into my car to a great song. On the way to work, I must have heard at least 4 songs I knew and loved. Since my drive to work is only 15 minutes, that's a lot. When I pulled into the parking lot at work I wondered what station I had been listening to. It was great! I looked over at the radio to identify the source of my bliss.

It was the oldies station.

When did that happen? When did the great songs I grew up with and still hear in my local bars become "oldies?" A few weeks ago, I was at a bar (oddly enough) and a smoking hot woman came up to me and commented on the song that my friends and I were singing along with the juke box. She joined in, finished an entire verse and the chorus of the song and then told me how great that song was. This was one of those great moments you get in life where you make a connection with a total stranger over a song you feel passionate about. I was enjoying the moment all the way until she said "I love the 80's and all those oldies."

Someone pass me my walking cane please...

I know, I know. I need to be realistic. I'm hitting my mid 30s and these things happen. But isn't it odd that everyone prepares you for puberty, the college years, your first job, marriage and the golden age but neglects the time in between. I'm sorry, but I don't remember any movie (off the top of my head) about these years that doesn't revolve around divorce, baby mama drama or any Lifetime network subject. Where are the "coming of middle age" movies that don't have a protagonist with a thousand regrets or make it seem like a disease. Where are the movies of good friends, good conversation, good music and an overall good feeling. I'm not saying I'm happy go lucky everyday, but I'm definitely more than just content with the way life is. Maybe my friends and I are just an anomaly. The new step in evolution. Communal relationships without significant drama. Relationships that revolve around good times and plenty of laughter. Laughing at everything about life and ourselves - even those subjects which make us uncomfortable. Having people you can just sit in a room with and not say a word. I think I need to make a movie about that for the next group of thirty somethings (what are we, generation X?Y?2.0? Who knows?).

Until then, put some Journey on that juke box and get me a drink...

15 Minutes Of Fame

I'm single. I say that first because it usually brings this stereotype of an empty apartment, dust on the TV, an empty refrigerator and no groceries in the cabinets. Most meals come from take out or are eaten out and if I buy more than a pint of milk it curdles.

I guess I match the stereotype perfectly.

That being said, not in a million years would I invite a camera crew to come into my apartment and broadcast my life to a world audience on TV and maybe even the internet. Yesterday I watched a show on BBC called "How Clean Is Your House?" In case you haven't seen it, here's the summary:
Some nasty family (yep, they are RARELY single) calls a TV crew to come into their house and clean it up. As a result, the world gets to see that you piss and crap on your bathroom walls and have fungus growing in the corners of your kitchen. Who in their right mind would ever visit these people EVER AGAIN?
To me, this is worse than the "clutter hounds" who have their clutter purged and organized for them on TV . Worse than the cesspool of subjects that have made the "Jerry Springer Show" popular for so many years. More recently, contestants on the TV game show "The Moment of Truth" have been willing to air all their dirty laundry and risk all of their personal relationships (including marriage) for a chance at money. At least this motivation I can comprehend. I can see how the desire to have more money and better your life situation may be a seductive reward that some may think is worth risking relationships. Besides, if they love you they'll understand...right?
The others don't receive any monetary reward. They just get their 15 minutes of fame (22 minutes to be exact since the program runs a half hour). Is the need to make that mark on the world so great that people don't mind how they make it?
I'm almost offended at what a person is willing to do to have their thoughts known and their ideas heard.
And yet, I'm writing a blog. Has it been 15 minutes yet?