24 Hours In Life

Twenty-four hours ago I was in the Atlantic Ocean on a cruise ship. For a little over a week, I suspended the monotonous activities of my life and accepted that it was time to let someone else pilot the proverbial (and actual) ship. I made no decisions beyond pool, food or which lounge to sit in. I had never been on a cruise before and was pleasantly surprised. Here were my observations:

• Shortly after everyone boards, we are all forced to do an emergency drill, grab your life jacket and go to your muster station. For those that have never seen this, it looks like a herd of tourists being herded and lined up on a side deck under a life boat. What you do learn (but they don't announce) is that the last few rows of people showing up would probably drown since they took way too long to arrive to the deck and I doubt the boat would wait. (You need to speed it up gramps!)
• During the drill, the crew is clearly focused on getting you to your station, but I wonder how they would control the loose cannons that would just run towards the railing and take their chance with a dive...
• I don't see what the rush is to plan excursions. How much of any place can you see in a day? The days at port are really supposed to be the vacationing equivalent of an amuse bouche. Just enough to wet your appetite and leave you craving more. The problem with this is that it's a tease. The mental equivalent of masturbation without release. There is no possible way to feel satisfied when you only have hours to immerse yourself in a culture. This is why you pay a guide a ridiculous fee to show you a sample of foreign "life." I say "life" because this usually revolved around sites that the guide gets paid to take you to (tourist shops), so the only culture you are actually seeing is capitalism.

Bottom line is this: The ship is the vacation. The ship is your salvation. The ship is the reason you are there. Face it - there is no possible way you can feel stressed while looking over your balcony at the open ocean with a setting sun in the background. Perspective is important in life and to be at a hotel at sea and not see life, work and relationships in a different light would be insane. It is during your days at sea that you are able to completely detach from the world.


Oh yeah, one more observation. Ladies -just because you have a larger canvas to put tattoos on doesn't mean you need to fill all 400+ pounds of it.

Congress Needs A Paycut

I read that during the Constitutional Convention, Benjamin Franklin suggested that congressional members not accept a payment for their service. Unfortunately other members were able to have a payment attached to service. It wasn't until 1815 that this per diem became a straight salary. I googled it today and found out that the average Congressional member gets paid $169,300 yearly. Many times, members of Congress have voted to not give themselves a raise. But therein lies the problem. Can you vote yourself a raise? What other job do you know where the only gauge for your job performance is being voted back in when your term is over and you can campain for the next term?

I know politics is a dirty game. Each party vetos the other, no reforms are passed and the only people that suffer are the people who employ the representatives. The reform we need is SALARY reform. Why are we still paying members of Congress that don't show up to work? Their salaries should be in our hands. Didn't accomplish anything in a year? 25% pay cut. Don't show up to work? You get limited sick days like the rest of us, then you need to apply for disability - just like the rest of us. Not doing your job in the people's eyes? You get a write up for lack of productivity. Hard economic times? Huge national deficit? Sorry, no increases for you until you balance the budget. We simply can't afford it.

The people should decide your pay, your benefits and your basic livelihood. Prove yourselves and be rewarded.

TOO MUCH Customer Sevice

I was at a bar the other night with some friends. It was the holiday weekend, most of us had been working a lot and it was a good time to relax and catch up on life. We chose a slow, often empty, local hole in the wall that we used to frequent when we were younger. While the place is nothing special anymore and the bartender couldn't mix a drink if her life depended on it, the location offers us seats, a good jukebox and isn't far from home.

The cost of this Utopia is an inexperienced bartender who doesn't know the difference between building rapport and butting in on conversation. I can only compare her to the old woman in the airplane seat next to you who keeps asking you a question every time you put your ear plugs in to watch the movie or hear music.

For example, there were 4 of us at the bar when we arrived. After a little banter, the bartender asked if anyone wanted to play doubles in pool. Doubles. Hmm. 4 of us, one of her. 2 sets of 2 plus 1. Let me get this straight - we came to talk and drink in your bar and you suggest one of us sits of the activity at the bar so you can play pool? Go do your damn job and come back when the glasses are empty!

I've been in other locations and seen similar behavior. The waiter at the restaurant that can't read the body language of the arguing couple and interrupts them mid argument. Maybe service employees should be trained in body language.

I don't want to discourage the waitress who sits at the table of guys while she takes your order and builds a great relationship with her customer. That waitress keeps my glass full and keeps checking in regularly, but not intrusively. She will get a large tip. She deserves it.

Drinks anyone?

Questions?

Huh?

Maybe it's the lack of sleep tonight, but what type of "comments or questions" could you possibly have about a GIANT PAPER CLIP? It's a PAPER CLIP!

1. Is is larger than most clips ("giant")
2. Does it clip paper?
3. Can you unfold it and use it to reset all your catchy gadgets with pin sized reset buttons?

SAVE YOUR PHONE CALLS.

Four Day Work Week? How About Three?

The week leading into Labor Day weekend is really busy for me at work. As a result, I end up working extra hours and sometimes extra days. After several days of 10 hour shifts, I am reminded of the propositions for a 4 day work week earlier in the year. The propositions were actually thought out because of high gas prices, but I wonder why we don't do this as a rule of thumb for basic sanity. We always complain about quality of life. What better way to improve quality of life than to give your employees a third day off during the week?

There are two ways to do this - most businesses work the 40 hour week in 4 days (longer shifts) while others just try to be more productive in the 4 days that they work.

A few online businesses have tried this and enjoyed better employee morale and productivity. Most note that business essentials (such as customer service) are still taken care of on the off day and someone is on call for emergencies.

In June, Wayne County in N.C. closed it's HR and social services offices as well as some other government jobs one day a week. This was meant to save on gas spending. While some workers enjoyed the change, others worried about completing tasks in 4 days and about having their schedules changed.

Aaron Newton writes a post giving 16 reasons why we should be on a 4 day work week. He covers both the 40 hour and a 30-32 hour week idea. While his post was based on gas savings, he makes a good point for improved workplace productivity and personal employee savings (childcare, gas, etc.).

Responses to Newton's post also remind us that the average American spends 2 hours a day surfing the web and calling friends at work. In my line of work, I can point out all the miscellaneous gossiping and chatting that goes on incessantly if I don't consistently walk the area to assure everyone is being productive. Apparently the next generation of laborers can surf the web, IM, text, listen to music and talk on the phone simultaneously but are unable to speak while performing tasks they are being paid to do. The minute the conversation starts, the hands stop moving. Go figure!

Personally, I would love the idea of a shorter week with less hours. 8-9 hours I could do. I think productivity would increase and we would have more time to spend with friends and families. I think people would be less stressed.

Think about it - are we built to work the way we do? 40+ hours a week after commuting to work in crowded conditions or sitting in traffic for 5 days, twice a day. It doesn't end there. Some of us are then "on call" for emergencies when the business is closed (even though we don't own the business) and many times receive calls regarding the business while at home or on the way home. In essence our time off is conditional. The cost of not answering the phone on one of these calls is cleaning up a huge mess on the day you return to work.

The cell phone and mobile internet have made us a 24 hour worker - although not as driven. Compared to the Japanese worker, but we're "at work" more than we're supposed to and are still less productive.

I know times were hard, but let's go back to the days of getting up in the morning, clubbing an animal to death for food and dragging it back to the cave for a home cooked meal.

Then let's spend the rest of the day figuring out what that shiny thing in the sky is...

Wal*mart: Profiting On Your Poverty

Nowadays, customers love one-stop shopping. Who has time to visit the grocery store, the electronics store, the department store and the shoe store with the kids? Why not just go to one spot?

Times are tough. Walmart knows this. To capitalize on your lack of funds and your need to have some sort of quality of life, they have started advertising that they sell juicy steaks (why go to the supermarket or butcher?). You can afford a barbecue this summer with steaks from Walmart.

Their new slogan "Save Money. Live Better" says it all. With the American economy in the state it is in and people scraping together pennies to pay for food on their tables, Walmart has decided to take advantage of the current economy and let the American public know that they are the place to save money.

Walmart's latest commercial does the math and shows mom the $300+ she will be saving by not ordering a fresh pizza from the local pizzeria and instead buying packaged pizzas from Walmart.

Some will say that this is a good thing for the average consumer. An immediate relief from monetary woes. If you look at the big picture, though, Walmart is still Walmart. This is the same company that encourages it's employees to go on welfare and medicare since they can't pay for their families' well-being. Even though they employ such a huge number of employees, they still have issues with promoting women and their special task force will close down a location if the work "unionize is even whispered.

Can some of the propaganda about Walmart be exaggerated? Sure. But you can't ignore that Walmart is a small business killer. There is no possible way that mom and pop can compete with the purchasing power of Walmart. Prices can only be cut so much and soccer moms won't pay more for customer service if they could instead use that money to pay for gas. Let's face it. If Walmart could get a deal on gasoline, they would probably sell that also.

We need to realize that there is a price to pay for short time fixes. You may save money now and get the selection and value that Walmart offers. In the long run, however, there is a price. When you get bored of Walmart's selection and look for an independent business to buy an item it won't be there. Tony's pizzeria, Bob the Butcher's Shop, Sam's Records and the local hardware will all be closed and no one will be willing to risk opening another small business as long as Walmart is around.

Be careful what you wish for...

DVD Bonus Features zzzzzzzzzzzzz

Bonus Features. Everyone loves 'em. There's no feeling like paying 30 bucks for a DVD and feeling it's justified because you also get 3 dvds of bonus features. I loved watching X-Men with the option to re-insert the deleted scenes and directors like Lucas have perfected the re-release with new options (original VHS version, THX version, Special Edition with deleted scenes, DVD version, DVD version with interviews, etc.).

I loved checking our the Criterion Collection Robocop and seeing what the alternate ending to Clerks was, but lately most DVDs have the lamest "bonus features" I've ever seen. The worst is when one of the discs is a soundtrack or the same movie on two discs (one regular and one widescreen). Lord of the Rings came with 4 discs - 1 and 2 were the extended film version (totaly worth the money). Disc 3 were documenteries covering the "adaptation" of the book to film and 2 maps of Middle Earth (just in case you're enough of a nerd to track the story) and disc 4 had 7 documentaries covering filming, special effects and a gallery of photos.

Snore.

How much miscellaneous crap do you need? Kevin Smith is the worst at this. Seeing some of his deleted scenes for his movies is great. Hearing hours of his long, drawn out, monotonous commentary in his own voice (if you can keep awake) definitely isn't worth the price of the dvd .

Every bit of useless footage is now kept for dvd release. Bloopers - funny. Unrated versions - awesome! A 20 minute sequence of miscellaneous camera shots showing the slow movement of a vehicle or someone walking -not necessary.

The truth is that there is a reason why scenes get cut. Sometimes it's 'cause they suck.

Volcano Erupts. Thousands Dead. News At Eleven.

I was reading the news online today. I really don't know why I bother. I see why the networks pump us with stories about Britney, Paris and Amy Winehouse. The news is bleak. The world is dark. The news is depressing. A few of today's international headlines:

• US HIV rate 'higher than thought'
• Parents forget child at airport
• Congo groups 're-arming' in east
• India temple stampede 'kills 140
• Afghan bomb brings wedding carnage
• 11 Climbers Reported Dead on K2

It makes you wonder why anyone would want to bring a child into this crazy, messed up world. On a daily basis, the news implies that the world is coming to an end, WWIII is on the verge of starting, an asteroid is on it's way and a terrorist is going to blow you up on your way to work.

In spite of everything being stacked against us, humans instinctive feel the need to reproduce and populate the earth regardless of the odds of survival. I guess this is why it is burned into our basic human core and biological clocks. To assure the survival of the species when most logical thoughts lead you in the opposite direction.

I can only image past generations have sensed the same sense of futility. Cavemen would have had dangers in their everyday lives:

• Tyrannosaurus Rex eats family of four
• Pterodactyl attacks local watering hole. Five missing.
• Flooding drowns caves south of lake
• Asteroid crashes in west. Smoke everywhere.
• Ice melting. Water rising. Mass exile imminent.

Yet here we are, years later pondering the same crap as our predecessors. Our only advantage is we have reality TV to help us mindlessly veg out and forget about the human condition and the world around us. Some of us won't even go as far as the world around us - those will stay in their local towns and neighborhoods.

There really isn't an end to this post. Just stuff I was thinking about...

Why Oh Why Didn't You Buy The Venti Skinny Hazelnut Latte?

Oh joy of joys! Starbucks has ordered 600 stores closed and 12,000 employees laid off. I'm really not a coffee drinker, but I used to think McDonald's were placed too close together until Starbucks came along. The NYC midtown area alone has tons of them at what seems like a block apart - which is probably why they're losing 6 of them. Coincidentally, on May 17, 2008 a Starbucks employee on 200 Madison Ave started the wheels rolling with the National Labor Relations Board to unionize his Starbucks shop of 13 employees. I wonder if Starbucks is taking a page out of the Walmart playbook and closing this store to avoid dealing with what would be their first union store.

Don't get me wrong. I don't wish any business ill and I certainly don't wish anyone would lose their job. Especially in this economy. But what did they think would happen when they placed these locations 2 blocks apart?

In Galesburg Illinois, at least 2 petitions are being circulated to stop the local Starbucks from closing. You can read the article by clicking on the blog title link, but the basic premise is that their small, local Starbucks hasn't gotten an opportunity to show that it can succeed and the local patrons want the opportunity to prove it can be successful and that the neighborhood is behind it's favorite business.

Anyone see anything wrong with this? This is America. We have a basic, consumer mentality. The way I see it, the community of "loyal patrons" had all the time from store opening until the closing announcement was made to "show" how much they loved their Starbucks. They wouldn't even have had to write a petition. All they had to do was BUY MORE OVER-PRICED COFFEE on a REGULAR basis. Not once a year or only when you pulled an all-nighter. If they had done this, no one would have thought of closing the location. Face it. The number$ don't lie and no company wants to lose money.

The idea that these "loyal" customers are outraged about this closing is pure ignorance. They basically want to buy a cup of coffee once in a while and sit in an air conditioned location for hours. They want the convenience of having the place available in case they choose to use it. Sorry buddy, but you're the reason the coffee costs so much in the first place. Who do you think is paying the electric bill for the time you spend in the location on ONE cup of coffee?
Starbucks is a business, not a park. You don't want to spend a lot of money? But a cup of "gourmet" coffee at the local McDonald's and go sit at a park bench or on the lawn at Central Park. Just make sure you recycle that cup so you can say you're "going green."

On yeah, by the way -just a heads up people, the next business being milked by your non-paying "loyal" asses is the local bookstore so don't be surprised when they close down too.

Sham What?

I'm taking 2 second out of this day to rant about two annoying infomercial spokespersons: Billy Mays and "Vince" the Shamwow guy.
Are these two not the most annoying people you're ever seen on TV? Billy Mays peddles all those obnoxious (but probably useful) orange cleaning products. I get that everyone needs to make a living and he has probably profited well from these ventures. I think his signature loud voice wouldn't be as annoying if I didn't constantly wake up in front of the television at 4am with his loud voice trying to sell me orange junk. Now he's even peddling medical insurance. This is the equivalent of buying a car from the ice cream man. It just doesn't work.

More annoying is "Vince" the guy from Shamwow. When I googled his name I actually found message boards dedicated to their distaste for this, how did they put it? Oh yeah - "douchebag". Everything about this guy is annoying. His commercial (click the blog title to see the commercial), his voice, his attitude and his look (what's up with the mic headset).

Doesn't this guy look like the weasel from the Foghorn Leghorn cartoons?

Even worse is his little comment about how you need to call in the next 20 minutes for their "special deal" because "we can't do this all day..."

Isn't that what you DO? Peddle your wares? Offer deals to get people to purchase? Aren't you a salesman?

I think we need to declare a year long moratorium on infomercials until someone has something better to sell. Let them sell them on QVC or HSN in the interim.

And someone needs to smack Vince (he seems more like a "Lenny" or "Skippy") in the back of the head...

Melancholy Politics And The Status Quo

This is one of the few times you'll see me write about politics.

Here's some info most my friends don't know: I'm a registered Republican. Years have gone by and I've never switched parties because I saw it as unimportant since who really cares what you registered as as long as you vote on election day. I have had forms sitting on my desk before elections (including now) and somehow never get around to mailing the changes in. Why did I register Republican? The world was different. I was different. I had listened to the rhetoric thrown at me by people who I trusted and since there was a war going on in Kuwait at the time, I wanted to make sure that my graduation year and beyond went by without the dreaded draft (yeah, at 18, you always have that "what if" idea in your head) and a swift military action was my idea of an answer.

I've been fortunate the past few years, but many have had it rough and I'm not sure they could go through four more years of the same. The economy is rough. Gas prices are ridiculously high. Food costs more. Whether we are or aren't in a recession, no one wants to admit it. Yesterday our President was asked when the economy would turn around and I heard our Commander in Chief respond "I'm not an economist." I was interested in the Democratic head to head between Obama and Clinton because for a moment I thought maybe things would be different, but after the winner was chosen, we turned back to politics as usual. Maybe there's a little less crap and smack being thrown around but it is still obvious that we've returned to the status quo. The latest election news I've seen is about the off-color comments Jesse Jackson made about Obama and I think I heard McCain received his new AARP card this week.

Who cares? Maybe THIS is the reason why a vast majority of Americans are apathetic to the electoral process. Maybe no one cares because in the end, it's all the same, the face in charge is just different. No one expects changes overnight, but people expect an attempt at change. At least try! This Democratic Congress gave up trying to change policy after being fought at every turn. It's YOUR JOB to FIGHT! The people you represent demand it! If you can't fulfill the duties of your office then step down. Even better - take a pay cut or work for free. At least then we'll know you really want the position and are up to the task.

What's wrong with hope? What's wrong with hoping that 2 or 3 years down the line the world has a better global view on us and our global impact. I don't want it to be any less safe, I just want people to look at my country and not think that all of us are cowboys.

I feel disillusioned. The excitement I felt for what was to be a historic election is no longer there. Will I still vote? Absolutely. I'll go through the motions because deep down I still hope the system can correct itself. I hope all those things I read in textbooks in high school are true and that the people will force the change, but I've seen the people's choice been ignored before.
I hope there is more to this election than what I see now. I hope.

There's that word again...

Quiet Your Kids Or We'll Kick Them Off The Plane!

This is going to sound insensitive to you parents. A family was not allowed to take a connection flight because their 4 kids were "unruly" during their first flight. Apparently the kids were allowed to run around on the plane -mom accommodated them when they got restless and allowed that to happen. Two of the kids were special needs (autistic and CP).

I'm glad they were bumped from their connection. It makes me want to fly Southwest knowing that their "customer service" was prioritized by the needs of the many. I kind of wish the kids had all been equipped with that stun bracelet that Homeland Security wants us to wear. THAT would have calmed them down in no time!

I understand that parents with kids have a challenging time. But it's theirs. They own it. I shouldn't be inconvenienced because you decided that a village of strangers should rear your child so they can enjoy time off. Especially after you chose to hop them up on McDonalds and sweets before the flight. I can guarantee the brats would be tired and low energy if all they had eaten before the flight was carrot and celery sticks instead of a happy meal! Besides, why wasn't the aunt traveling with them assisting in herding them?

Personally, I dread a flight cross country when I see a loud little kid on board an aircraft. Those of us that don't enjoy flying, don't particularly like surprises. But that's just me.

You're Going To Get Shocked!

Once upon a time, our country used to run on the idea of pure capitalism. Let's face it -we consume more useless crap than any nation in the world because we have more disposable income than any other nation. For those of you that want to argue this point, see if the teenage kids in Serbia or Ethiopia are paying 300 USD to get the new Jordan Collezione sneaker on its release date and then we'll talk. It used to be that you could easily win an election with any platitude about the robust economy and our purchasing power. Since 9/11 our country feels like it's been run by something else - fear.

It seems we spent the years after 9/11 living in a haze like a kid who just got a wedgie and can't believe it happened to him. Living in NY, less than 1/2 an hour from Ground Zero I fully understand. Its felt like we have a big target painted on our backs and everyone walks around in a semi-conscious state. To date, I have yet to visit the construction site. It's just not something I like to remember.

It seems every week during the first few years, we received constant terror alerts. Some nationwide, but most only in NY. While the rest of the US changed their alert status to orange, NY was always in red. Some will even argue that the previous election was won on because of how they portrayed fear (if you remove the Florida ballot factor).

The past year, we have been led with the fear that we're running out of gas, when in reality there is plenty of gas to go around. If we could get OPEC to flood the market or stop these morons who predict oil futures from talking to anyone with purchasing power. They are creating the problem by predicting the problem.

Now, it seems we will soon be focused back on terror in the skies. I just read an article on Gadling (http://www.gadling.com/2008/07/07/update-dept-of-homeland-security-weighs-forcing-passengers-to/) highlighting a stun bracelet that the Department of Homeland Security is considering making us wear for air travel. Check the link out and click the my blog title to see the sales video attached to this product. Half way into the video, they actually had me believing it was a good idea to wear a bracelet. I felt safe and warm and fuzzy inside...

WTF? The basic concept is this:

1. Check in at airport counter
2. Receive bracelet with personal info linked to checked in bags- no bording pass needed
3. Big brother may now watch all your movements through the airport.
   

Yes, TSA and Homeland Security will now know that you visit the rest room 4 times before actually boarding the plane. All under the disguise of safety.

I don't know how I feel about this. While I like the idea of knowing that there is added protection, I don't like the idea of little miss Susie sunshine stewardess...I mean flight attendant...controlling the actual activation. What if she (or he) gets the wrong person? What if I swapped seats? I doubt the attendants are going to check the terrorist's ID to make sure they activate the correct bracelet. Or what if they simply activate a bunch of them and stun half the plane to control the threat. Then we all simply become collateral damage.

Besides, 200+ bracelets emitting an electric charge on a plane? I'm not even allowed to use my cell phone in flight and you want to bring mini stun guns on board? Didn't a small electrical spark bring down one of those TWA planes back in the day? ONE spark. Imagine several interfering with the wiring of the aircraft.

Feeling safe yet?

Online Funerals: "Bobby From Texas Sends His Condolences..."

As of Tuesday, April 1, 2008, pay-per-view funerals went live online in the UK. I had read this article a few months ago, but I re-read the BBC article today and I had one thought: Brilliant!
Who wants to go to funerals anyway? The only reason anyone shows up is so the family members still around don't smack talk you when you pull a no show, right? By paying for a live internet feed, you can at least pretend that you wanted to attend, but it just wasn't possible because of work or because of lack of funds.

OK, I get it. Your dear uncle Louie from London passed on and there is no way you can make the trip with the price of airfare being what it is. Doesn't this take away from the connection (real or pretend) that you're supposed to have with the deceased's family? Soon they're going to read your IMs during the service and express your text condolences to the mourners. Maybe they'll read your text messages aloud during the funeral. Or maybe watch cousin Morty's funeral at livevblog.com. Or will you just sign up and log in to watch the funeral while you fool aroud with your 23 year old administrative assistant?

Year after year, the internet has made social connectivity a casualty of technology. It is now possible to "keep in touch" with people you haven't really spoken to in over a year, simply by forwarding an email to them periodically. At the same time, you can break up with girlfriends, quit your job and slowly detach from actual people just by sitting in your house. How many kids forgo the awkwardness of making physical friends and spend hours daily making friends in chat rooms and on You Tube? How many kids' only outlet to "friends" is a daily video blog about the sandwich they ate at school and what little miss popular wore to 5th period?

The internet has connected us across great distances. You may now have a friend across the country or across the globe. It has also succeeded in separating us from human contact with the people down the block or even next door.

In either the movie Judge Dredd or Demolition Man (thanks to my friend for the correction - all those movies were alike), there is a scene where the main character is informed that reproduction now occurs without human, physical contact. Makes you wonder how far away from that we are...

Oreos Are Chocolate

Maybe it's me...no...yeah, maybe...or maybe it's MY generation looking back. Let me just get to the point....

Oreos are chocolate. The cookies are chocolate and dark. The cream is white. If you wish, you can order it in mint (are those still around?) or double stuff (giggity), but the idea is chocolate cookies and cream inside. This latest farce that Nabisco is passing off as an Oreo is NOT, I repeat NOT, an Oreo. It is some warped version of one. Some sort of mutated sunshine cookie with cream inside. Honestly, after having tried this abomination, I consider some of the no frills 2 for $1 sunshine cookies from the local bodega (grocery store for you non-New Yorkers) of better quality.

Next on the hit list is this idea of being a street tough guy and going for a "spa day." Sorry guys, the two things don't go together. I was flipping through the TV and MTV had the best dance crews or some crap like that. First, Mario Lopez? MTV picked SLATER from Saved By The Bell to give this show street cred? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Wasn't he one of the hosts of The View or something? (Yeah, I know that's all women, and yet he still belongs. See how clever I am?) Second, how can this tough ass group come out to show their crew's moves (translation = choreographed dance) and then in the interview show that they're a tough crew ...who sometimes needs a spa day.

Do I really need to continue this rant? How about one more...

"Over-matching" your outfit. Let me give you an example. If you walk out wearing your new red Air Jordan Retro XXXXVVIIII Limited Editions and you matched you shirt, pants and hat to the exact color on the shoes (basically if you look like a big Crayola crayon) - you're over-matched. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I don't understand, youth today, it's the style, blah, blah, blah. You're supposed to match colors, not pick one and run with it. Unless you're a ninja - and I've never seen a ninja in red and white Nikes.

That's all I have to say.

Thirty 5

It was a rough week. My dad had a medical procedure this week, work has been annoying and there's this "moment". This was the moment I had been dreading for the past few weeks. It shouldn't be significant, but mentally the numbers gather significance as time passes. As of 1:25 A.M. June 16th, I turned 35. Ouch! Just thinking about it hurts. For those of you that don't know me, the birthday blues has been a problem of mine during socially significant years 18,21,31 and now 35. I guess at each stage I just take a deeper look in the mirror.

I sure somewhere there's a guy who just turned 35 and is looking back and hating his life. That's not me. Are there things I'd like to change, sure. The point of life is to continuously try to improve your situation -whether it's professionally or socially. On the weekend of my birthday I just feel happy, loved and yes, a bit drunk. :) I look at my dad who just turned 75 and has no friends and barely any family. Weird for someone who had 12 other siblings. He's spent a large part of his life distrusting everyone he's met and is always thinking someone is out to get him.

On my weekend, I spent time with my close friends and family, talked or emailed those who couldn't be around, laughed at funny cards (both email & paper -even musical), ate a home cooked meal and consumed more whiskey, rum and Mike's Hard Lemonade than is probably recommended at my age! Basically I enjoyed every minute of it.

I wish I could list what I've learned thus far and all that crap, but what's the point? We all have to learn the lessons for ourselves. I will say that you should enjoy every change that was for the better and spend time getting to know yourself. At 18, I was quick to rage. I could feel my blood boil. At 35, I hate to admit that I'm more emotional and sometimes even seem to wear my heart on my sleeve. I used to laugh at one of my friends because he would get emotional at the end of many movies. I mean like Monsters and Shrek. You know what, I've realized that if you're at the point in life where you can't feel, or get emotional over something stupid or just have a good ol' Tony Soprano moment when you scan the room appreciating all of your friends and family, then you've missed part of the point of this whole experience.

The best advice I can give is my favorite quote from Wulf Zendik:

"The Moment is your big chance-grab it-it will not come again. The moment is unique, unlike any that preceded, unlike any that follows. Revel in its pleasures and peer deeply into its pain-underst​and the why of pain-it is an effect. Its cause is a lethargy in Living. The lethargy of waiting-wait​ing a moment more deserving of attention. That is Life passing you by while you wait...Whate​ver you do-do it totally-
Do it Now..."​

- Wulf Zendik

Are You A Pet Person?

I always wondered about "pet" people. I never had a dog or a cat. My mother is actually terrified of animals of all sizes and this meant I was only able to have odds and ends pets while growing up. I've had fish - all of which eventually got flushed, parakeets, turtles, and a rabbit (which ended up legs up in his cage). This is probably the reason I laugh when people ask me if I don't want to have children soon. I figure if I can't keep a rabbit alive, I shouldn't try to move up to a more complex model.

Yesterday I saw a commercial for an insurance company - Progressive. In the ad they advertised "pet injury coverage" with their car insurance coverage.

WTF?

I'm sure some of you are googling the Progressive web site now and saying how great it will be to have your pet covered in your insurance. Especially after dressing up little "Muffy" and "Scooter" in their fashionable designer outfits. I know this is a huge market for retailers. Even Toys R Us now has a pet toy and dress aisle.

I wonder how much you end up paying for this coverage? Last time I checked, pets are considered "property" in a court of law. So I hate to break this to you, but here's the quote directly from the Progressive site:

"It may seem insensitive to consider the four-legged members of your family as property, but insurance policies designate bodily injury coverage for humans only. All other damages in an accident — including your pet's injuries — are considered property damage."

That's right all you pet people, you cat and dog are property. I know you thought your insurance company was going to pay for your pet's broken legs and post traumatic stress syndrome but you are wrong. So I hope you kept your receipt when you bought Marmaduke.

It sounds cold, I know. I like dogs, but I'm not sure I could live with one at this time in my life. I'm definitely sure I wouldn't dress him up in a raincoat for his walk. Cats - don't even get me started. If I want to be looked down on when I come home, I'll get married!

It's brilliant, though. Most Americans never read the fine print anyway. Few will check the regulations for this coverage. Thousands will sign up just based on the TV ad.

If ignorance is bliss, I guess it's a win/win situation.

My Shortest Post Ever

It cost me $42.49 to fill up my little Corolla gas tank.

#@%$ #*$@! Damn you OPEC!

That's all I have to say.

The Worldwide "Hostage" Situation

The world is being held hostage. Not by some Islamic or bible-thumping, evangelical fundamentalists or by rogue military generals planning a coup d'etat to overthrow our current leaders. The entire world is being held captive by a small amount of fortunate people who control the flow of petroleum to the world's population.

In America, the price of gasoline has more than doubled in the past year to more than $4 a gallon. I read than in Europe, the price is now the equivalent of $7 or so due to higher taxes imposed on gas. Truckers on both continents are protesting that their livelihoods are at risk if the government doesn't intervene. Meanwhile, OPEC is laughing all the way to their Swiss banks.

Let's look at a few facts:

1. FACT - Venezuela isn't going to help us out with more petroleum unless we kiss up and probably even stop embargoes on their buddy Cuba
2. FACT - I don't think the Iranians are going to help any Western country
3. FACT - I think the jig is up on stealing Iraq's oil. Everyone is on to us.
4. FACT - The US won't release any significant amount of our reserves. This is probably a good idea considering the fact that we've pissed off the entire world and may need this fuel for future military use to protect ourselves.

I don't get it. For decades, the general world population has been aware that the world's oil flow is controlled by a few oil countries and several oil barons clever enough to get in bed with them. When I was in school and first learned about the existence of OPEC, I could not comprehend how the entire world could just accept that a small number of people control the world's petroleum supply. I get the idea of supply and demand but what if...

What if the product wasn't oil? What if it was water? Or air? What then? Would we simply accept the minority controlling the water or air intake of the majority? Would we just sit there and pay $7 for the equivalent of a gallon of air and stand by as the price continued rising? Would we drink water a drop at a time because our weekly paycheck couldn't afford a proper week's supply?

Maybe I've seen too many science fiction movies in my youth, but I still don't understand how we simply accept being controlled by the greedy oil mongers. This can't be fixed in a day as it isn't a situation that happened overnight. This is decades of control that has simply been accepted like some petroleum version of Stockholm Syndrome. For too long we have just accepted the status quo when it came to gas. You know that quote that says "the greatest trick the devil ever pulled is convincing man that he didn't exist?" This is OPEC's greatest trick. Convincing us for decades that there is tons of oil and they will keep us in good supply for years to come. Then setting prices higher and higher while limiting the amount released to the world market.

Is it just that we, as a population, are mindless automatons and accept whatever is put in front of us? If we couldn't buy a pizza, would we simply accept bread and not complain?

Maybe acceptance isn't always such a good thing...

Prince Charming Is Dead

I finally watched Knocked Up last night and thought it was a good movie. My reasons are probably different than you think. I liked the movie because no one was perfect. The main character is an overgrown kid who is just living a simple life. The chick that gets pregnant is frequently a judgmental character and the married couple that is related to her is all messed up.

Basically, sorry kids - THERE IS NO HERO!

More and more we watch movies and read books with imperfect heroes. Remakes of classic goody-goody heroes like Superman give him flaws and the older Batman gets, the more we see of his darker side. I thought Tim Burton had shown us a dark side of Bruce Wayne until I saw Christian Bale take on the part. We are constantly reminded in every aspect of the media that priests molest, fathers rape, teachers screw their students & children beat other children to a pulp. Everything in society points out the frail, imperfect nature of humanity and the duality of the human persona. There seems to be nothing uncommon about little Johnny "popping a cap in your ass" and running home to feed his aging grandma.

If this is the case, then why is everyday Jane always looking for Prince Charming?

There is a fairy tale that's been told longer than any fable by Aesop. It's called the story of the "perfect man." Regardless of all the media coverage and movies and documentation on the subject, women still search for perfection. Sorry ladies, keep looking.

I think it's time to accept that every human being is flawed and in life you just need to decide how much crap you can take. There is nothing wrong with a guy being chivalrous, or opening doors and pulling out chairs for you at the dinner table. However, accept that the person you're dating is not a "fix me upper." They are simply who they are and that is that. There are days when you'll have the door opened for you, and other days when we may be preoccupied and forget. Being single, I gave up looking for "Ms. Perfect" a long time ago. I realized (and was constantly reminded by my hitched friends) that life and relationships are about compromise. While I accept this premise, I refuse to accept compromising on who you are as a person. I've seen lots of ads for single "independent women" only to continue reading and find that independent means nothing more than having a job. These women are still looking for Prince Charming and will marry the closest person as a "compromise" in spite of the fact that the relationship will end in divorce in less than five years.

Ladies- the Prince Charming of the new millennium works long hours at a job he sometimes loves but otherwise hates. If he's not spending time with you today, it's because this fast paced life we all lead has him in need of some simple, silly male activity (like poker or fantasy baseball) that reinforces camaraderie and gives him a few hours to escape from life. You need to not take it so personally because life simply "gets in the way."

A friend of mine said something to me a few weeks ago that stuck in my head. He had re-joined the dating world and found it disappointing. He remarked how easy it world be if everyone just "put all their relationship shit on the table" and let the cards fall where they may. At least then there wouldn't be any awkward issues coming up later in the relationship.

Simplistic? Maybe. The idea that the minutia of relationships can be ironed out by being perfectly honest sounds naive, I know. But I think it depends on where you are in your life. If you can't be honest with yourself and what angers, bothers or pleases you, how can you be honest with anyone else? There is no point in me staying in a relationship when you are more concerned with how I make you feel and what I do for you than with just getting to really know me.

But hey, what do I know. I'm single. All I know is there is no Prince Charming. There is no perfect woman. There is no hero. And by the way, there is no Santa Claus either.

:)